The Fifth Column

8th February 1998


Excerpts from the Royal Diary...

February 03 - Going to Ceylon for the first time. I’m told Uncle Louis liked the place a lot but I’m sure it has changed a lot now. They’ve changed all the plans since that bomb went off in Kandy. Refused a bullet proof vest but asked them to reduce the number of functions I have to attend, so I’ll be more comfortable.

The Airport ceremony was not bad though. They’ve appointed a young fellow - Mangala Someone-or-the-other; they all have such long names - as Minister-in-Attendance. The fellow enjoys every minute of it, it seems, and is all over me, attending to every need, who said the sun has set on the Empire, after all?

February 04 - The big day for the natives. Celebrations will be low key, our man in Colombo, David, warned me, but what an anti-climax it turned out to be.

Before setting out, went before a mirror and practised how to say “Chand-drika Koo-mara-tunge”, without pausing at the wrong places. It would have been more easier to say “Ban-dara-naike” but David tells me she prefers the former, so I had to practise both, because they said I would be meeting the Old Lady too.

The ceremonies were a disaster, I had nothing to do but sit, smile and wait, and wait and wait in the hot sun with only a pair of dark glasses to protect me. Tried to engage Ms. B in some sort of conversation, but she would have none of it and looked the other way - probably because the poor soul was too weak, anyway.

David told me later, Chandrika took a lot of flak from the natives for speaking in English but that she had done that for my sake. Poor girl, if only she knew what I was doing behind those dark glasses....

Not that the whole affair was dull, though. There was this Police Chief fellow suddenly fainting and falling like a pile of bricks. Not that I blame him, I might have fainted too, had I been standing for that long. But this natives, unkind fellows that they are, circulating a story that he fainted because he wore boots that were too tight, cutting off the blood flowing to his brains.

February 05 - A relatively lighter day. A performance by the Orchestra and a visit to the British Council. At the British Council I did say that some natives speak better English than I do, but I hope that Sports Minister chap wont think I was referring to him...

February 06 - Left at noon and heard later they had exploded a bomb in Colombo, hours after I left. I guess they could have done it even when I was there, but they just waited till I left.


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