Missing you

By M.T.L. Ebell

Well! To think I had been look ing forward to going to Wales! What a holiday! No, it did not rain. We had sunshine, beautiful scenery, fields of daffodils and the gently winding Severn, but were we happy? We were not. Taking it from the top, Mike was very moody. I can't find another word for it. He spent most of the fourteen days deep in thought. Certainly, he wasn't thinking of me, as each time I spoke to him he would say, "Huh?" and look at me as if seeing me for the first time.

Manny was gloomy too. As sort of head of expedition he could not be as much a wet blanket as Mike, but he did seem sort of absent-minded most of the time. I think Hillary has given up on him. She was being very pally with Sid. Both Sid and Manny missed Rouanne I suppose. Well, I missed her too, but I wasn't going round with a long face because of that! Alison and her friend, Vijay and Alan tried to keep the group alive. I'm really beginning to appreciate Alan. He has a sense of humour and at least he would pass the time of day with me.

We tried to get in touch with the College from time to time and found it quite difficult. I suppose Rouanne was wise not to come. We were all keen to find out if she had any news from home but could not.

Finally, we decided to all leave when Manny did and went back to Lanchester a day early. Unfortunately, it was not early enough. Mrs. Dean met us with the news that Rouanne's Dad had become so ill that he had sent for her and she had gone home. That had been five days ago. Two days after that she had 'phoned to say that he had died. She had wanted us all to know and was not very sure of when she would get back.

Things didn't get much better over the next few days. We were a bit lethargic after the trip and couldn't get back into the spirit of our studies. Manny came back from the US and was brought up todate on the news. He was very upset about Rouanne and her Dad and her having gone to Sri Lanka with all that turmoil there. I heard Sid and him discussing 'unofficial curfews,' and 'tyre pyres' and it all sounded too depressing for words.

We were sitting by the water, recovering from a marathon session of afternoon lectures. Manny had a pile of letters with him and as we talked he caught up with his mail. Anna joined us. Her hand had healed very well over the past fortnight and the daily dressings had stopped. She came bearing a basket of Easter eggs for us. Under the eggs, were some oily, round brown cakes. "For Sid and Manny," she said. "I know it's just past your New Year. I thought you'd like them. I was not sure how they would turn out so I kept it a secret."

"Kangs!" said Manny and Sid. They pounced on Anna and hugged her. They pounced on the cakes and offering them around introduced us to another of their traditional sweetmeats, "Ka-vums". I found them a little too oily for my taste. I'm sure they're really fattening. "Do these little oily cakes have another name?" I asked. "Yes," said Sid, grinning,"Oil Cakes!"

Manny had dropped his mail in his greed and I gathered up the letters. He had opened all except one. This I noticed was an air letter from Sri Lanka. It had been re-directed from America. Funny, that would have been the one I opened first. Soon after, we dispersed, Manny with his letter still unread. The oily cakes had cheered us up a bit but Manny still looked grave. I dropped in on him that evening with Hillary but as a visit it didn't get off the ground. Manny was preoccupied and always on the 'phone. Overseas calls too, I could hear the beeps. Maybe his work with his publisher was still unfinished.

A few days later, Rouanne rang. She was lucky she caught me Sid. Alan, Hillary and I were going out for drinks. She was coming back in a few days, she said. There was nothing more to do there. She sounded very down and I felt desperately sorry for her.

"It can't be too soon. For us I mean," I said adding that Sid and Manny were very concerned about her.

"Tell them I'm fine." She said, sounding weary. "Tell them all. I'll be there before you know it.''

Three days later, she came back. It was a hot afternoon. Manny was trying to get us to think about: Keynesian Theory; its relevance or the lack thereof. I was trying to stay awake. Mike had gone home for a week! Most uncharacteristic of him. I worried that he would not return before our May Dance. I was on the Entertainment Committee and was finding it very strenuous without Rouanne to help me out. I had decided that I would speak to Mike on that day. I didn't care that our Exams would be a few weeks away. I wasn't going to put it off. His absence showed me I really missed him. I had to speak.

Then, one way or another I would know. Actually if it was the "Other" I couldn't think what I would do. Anyway, I would know. If he returned in time.

I was stifling a yawn when the door opened and Rouanne walked in. She was carrying a bag and seemed to be straight from the Airport. We all jumped to our feet but Manny reached her first. He hugged her and she seemed to fit right into his arms. There was nothing lover-like though, in his embrace. He just held her like my brother would me, in these circumstances. "Kiss her, you fool," I urged him in my mind. But he didn't. I suppose the time was not right. He looked really upset for her and I'm sure we all did.

That was the end of Keynes for the day. We rushed round getting her some food and a hot drink and then I bore her off to our room and saw her into bed. That evening I turned into a bouncer refusing admission to Sid, Manny, and rest of the student body who kept turning up wanting to speak to her. She was resting and slept through till morning.

Kenny's World

Platonic or not?

Could it be Platonic?... Do you think? A lit tle too pla tonic? Yes I really do think Plato was out of his little Greek mind when he came up with his idea of the platonic relationship. It might have worked for him in ancient Greece where everyone was gay (I say, "Let's just be friends" to guys all the time too), but how on earth do you get it to work with a girl?

You see, what Plato called platonic relationships are quite different from your everyday "let's just be friends" friendships. They are those friendships that come close to being more than friendships, but manage not to cross that line. But these days, if you go through anyone's checklist of what they are looking for in a significant other (boyfriend/girlfriend), "Someone who can be my best friend" figures pretty high on the list. So the thing is, although there is a line, there is also a good reason to cross it.

Though platonic relationships are a wonderful concept, they're not so easy to put into practice. I think Billy Crystal was absolutely right in the movie 'When Harry met Sally' when he said, "Boys and girls can never just be friends because the sex part always gets in the way". That sounds cruder perhaps than I mean to be, but it brings out the essence of my problem with Plato and his concepts.

Most girls feel that they're entitled to have friendships with guys without the guys taking it any other way. Sure, girls should have that right. But the problem is that most guys don't read minds too well. Guys, well most anyway, figure things out on two levels — according to instinct, and according to what they've figured out since they were little kids. Unfortunately though, neither of these methods helps when it comes to figuring out girls or platonic relationships.

Instinct doesn't help at all. Actually, it is the more misleading of the two. Women are notoriously subtle, so instinct picks up on the slightest signals they send out. It watches for the tell-tale signs — Licking lips, coy smiles, tossing hair... But the whole point of female subtlety is that you're never sure if they're sending out messages or not. Because they do all of these in ordinary life as well. Of course, since they are aware of these signals, women are careful about using them in public. But they're not so self-conscious when they're among friends, especially friends they think they have a really good platonic thing going with. So around these poor guys women lick their lips, smile coyly and toss their hair all the time. What do you want them to think?

So instinct does more harm than good. But what about experience? Surely any right thinking guy should be able to tell a provocative lip-lick from a "just for the heck of it" lip-lick. Maybe you can. But at nineteen, I've been alive way too short a time to figure out what women's lips are saying when they talk, let alone what their lips are saying when they're not saying a word.

Since I don't believe in platonic relationships, I have my own way of rationalising the close friendships I have with girls. I see them as "honorary guys" rather than as girls. I know that sounds silly, but it works for me. You see, in my definition a 'girl' is someone I could probably be attracted to. I wouldn't want to be attracted to a friend, so making her an honorary guy solves the problem. But that doesn't always work either. While she's quite happy thinking we have a really good platonic relationship going, I'm at home trying desperately to picture her as a guy. (If I say that this is easier to do with some girls than with others, what are my chances of getting away with that?)

Platonic relationships would work if there was no chance that you could be attracted to a friend. But obviously there's no way anyone can guarantee that. I know people who've made it personal policy not to fall for friends because they feel that doing that could ruin a perfectly good friendship. While they're on the lookout for complete strangers, others feel that being friends with your significant other is the most important thing, and that it is worth the risk. I think they both have a point, which makes it even more confusing.

Of all the things we could have borrowed from the magnificent Greek civilization, why did we have to borrow the platonic relationship? Weren't teenage relationships complicated enough before?... But as long as we are looking to the past in search of the perfect relationship, couldn't we give the cave man thing another try?

'I'm your girl next-door'

Jitesh Pillai talks to Aishwarya Rai

Models like other mi- norities should be seen, not heard. Until she happened. Voila Aishwarya Rai. No need to hash out a chronology on her. She who first blipped across our consciousness first in those va-voom commercials. And then there was Miss India. Then Miss World. And finally the movies.

Okay so Mani Ratnam's Iruvar and Rahul Rawail's Aur Pyar Ho Gaya, didn't set the screen aflutter, but a start was truly born. Her million bucks looks, her ability to boogey to the beats were applauded. Yet it was harped that she had miles to go as an actress. Aishwarya aka Ash turns to me, the arm on her hand to emphasise her point and says, "I think I was appreciated both in Iruvar and Aur Pyar Ho Gaya. It's just that no one was willing to think of me as a newcomer. The press especially began comparing me with actresses who were around for 10 years. That was unfair."

She segues into a more serious mode and says, "It's only fair that I should be compared to the other newcomers around. Just because I'm a known face, it doesn't mean that I have that much more experience when it comes to acting. I'm learning with every passing day."

Right at this moment the Tamil version of her film Jeans, directed by Shankar has been well-received in Chennai. Ash sallies, "After Iruvar and Jeans, I can understand quite a bit of Tamil. (Laughs) These days I dream in Tamil, you know. Whilst shooting for Jeans, I made sure that I not only understood my own dialogue but also familiarised myself with what my other co-stars were saying. That helped me to get a grip on the scenes in Jeans better, especially in the comedy and emotional scenes."

About Iruvar and the Mani Ratnam experience, Ash says, "Mani Ratnam was my guru for all practical purposes. He'd constantly talk to me about, enabling me to get a grip on the nuances of the double role that I was playing."

"I went to Madras to meet Mani for the film. He just chatted with me and within an hour he said, I was on. I thought there would be a screen test. But there was none of that. Though Iruvar's story went through a lot of changes, it's film I'll always be proud of. I think what went against the film is that audiences drew too many parallels between the characters on screen and real life personalities like Jayalalitha and the late MGR."

Did Aishwarya sign any contract with Mani Ratnam or Rahul Rawail stating that their films would be her launch pads? "Neither of them asked me to sign any contract with them. Mani made it very clear to me that he wasn't launching me. In that sense, I didn't have any real launch pad where a film revolved around me. Iruvar had six other important characters besides me."

She adds, "Mani told me that he was considered the slowest filmmaker in the south but he was sure he'd complete the film before the Mumbai directors. Sure enough, he did."

She laughs full-throatedly, "Even today, when he's here he jibes me and asks me if I've joined the gang and signed 24 films. I protest that 24's my age and that I've only six films on hand.

She explains patiently. "There are only 365 days in a year and there's only this much work that I can do. I'm thoroughly grateful to filmmakers like Sooraj Barjatya who have evinced a desire to work with me. And I'm also thankful to all the directors who want to work with me again. But it's humanly impossible to do all the dream projects. I'm sure there always be another time."

She fastens the brightest beam of her attention on me and remembers the time when she had to let go of prestigious projects like Dharmesh Darshan's Raja Hindustani. Aishwarya sighs aloud. "You win some, you lose some. I was getting the best banners even before Miss India happened. But I look at the positive side. May be if I had done them, there would have never have been Miss India or Miss World. In the past, whenever I'd pass by the poster of a film that I'd refused, I'd go, 'Hey! that could have been my face on the poster."

We're on the sets of Rishi Kapoor's Aa Ab Laut Chalen. I notice most men being reduced to mush interacting with her. She seems aware of her power and her role in the fantasy life of the public. But she also sees the absurdity of it all. Does she see herself as sexy? "Nooooo." She squeals in embarrassment. But as an afterthought she adds, "Am I sexy? It's okay by me if it helps to sell more tickets at the box-office."

Aishwarya admits that the three years in the show glow world have definitely taken their toll on her. In a glacier voice, she mumbles, "I don't feel corrupted or anything like that. But yes, I've become more aware. It's like the gradual wearing away of one's innocence. Like in all other professions, it's the survival of the fittest. When I came here, I thought I only had to act. But now I realise that I have to be smart too."

She fills the musty studio air with her yeah-yeah yammer. She also learns to field grapevine gossip and tabloid infamy dextrously. "Ever since I've joined the movies, I've been at the receiving end. Earlier the press and a lot of individuals had formed an opininon that I was a cold and conniving person even without meeting me. Then they attacked my working style. The funniest reaction was when I couldn't do Sooraj's (Barjatya) film. A section of the press insisted that I had become too big for my boots and had even quoted a ridiculous price to the director.

"I know for a fact that other heroines would shortchange their other films and then bend backwards to accommodate such a prestigious project. But most people couldn't appreciate the fact that here was a herione who was trying to add a semblance of professionalism to her work ethic. Even if it meant giving up important films."

On a more philosophical note, Ash muses, "It's okay. I'll live and learn. Even in the modelling world there were many who couldn't digest the fact that I was doing well on my own terms. Similarly in the film industry, if I make some heroines insecure and they react violently, I'm not to be blamed for it. (Laughs) I've been a sitting target for very many but I don't react, I just act.

We wobble on about sundry other topics. I ask her to describe herself in a single sentence. She sips slowly on her revivifying glass of tea. And then she replies: "I'm just an average woman with average concerns. Hey! know something? I'm your girl next door." A shoal of autograph hunters descend upon the studio, vying for her attention telling her how beautiful she is.... and blah, blah, blah. But Ash carries herself lightly, as if she didn't know about it, or at any rate didn't take herself too seriously.

Now how many girls-next-door can do that?

Full of natural goodness, the earth colours range from dark chocolate to cream. Honey-beige and tan come in between. Look at the wide scope of timber colours: red browns include mahogany and rosewood, yellow browns echo pine and maple; green browns resemble walnut. Made paler, brown becomes a neutral beige, while russet and tan remind us of brown's proximity to orange.

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