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• Will he, won't he?
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The strongest bond on earth

My darling daughter,

Your gift and wishes brought tears to my old eyes-tears of happiness that you had remembered me on Mother's Day. I thought daughter, reading the card you had sent that there could be no greater joy a woman can experience than that of motherhood. No career, however wonderful it be, no financial success or public acclaim cam compare with the happiness a woman feels when she hold in her arms her child, sees its delicate form and wonders at the miracle of birth. Various ideas are advocated today that belittle the unique role of motherhood. Sometimes I wish we women think a bit more of this role of ours, after all we are responsible in moulding the characters of our children, influencing their thoughts and providing them the foundation whereby the can face the future confidently. What a great and unique responsibility is ours and yet how negligent we sometimes are, and how keen we sometimes appear to be to abrogate that role of ours, as if it were demeaning to be just a mother!

When I am alone and feel the sadness of age and pain, daughter it is the memories of your childhood ears that bring me happiness, I remember so clearly what you said and did, and then it is as if distance does not matter, you are with me. As o read somewhere 'the relationship of mother and child remains indelible and indestructible-the strongest bond on earth'. It is indeed so, and as I hear again in my memories your laugher, your incessant chatter, your successes and failures my day is not lonely anymore.

I wish, daughter, that you in your young world exposed to all the ideas that a jaded world tries to persuade you with, will not get caught up in the momentary glitter and glamour of a career and feel that to be a mother is something mundane and lowly, for believe me, nothing can compare to the happiness of being a mother, caring for one's children, hearing their laughter, and wiping their tears.

Ammi

Sue's Story (Part 7) By M.T.L. Ebell

Will he, won't he?

It was two that afternoon when I woke. I was in my bathrobe but still had on one high-heeled shoe. Groaning, I took it off. The lump of clothes on Rouanne's bed stirred and she emerged. "Oh! I feel ... so... so... great!" she sat up. "It was lovely yesterday, wasn't it?" I couldn't believe she could wake so quickly. Then I remembered my news. "Yes it was," I said, "and guess what? Mike asked me on a date today. He said he has something important to tell me."

"Yes, I know. He's asked most of us to meet him at the pub tonight." She stopped.

"Us?" I said surprised. "I thought he only asked me. I didn't ask him anything yesterday Rouanne. I thought he was finally going to ask me."

Rouanne came over to my bed. "He said he had something to tell us. I hoped it would be about you. Isn't it? I stared at her. "No, Not as far as I know. We didn't discuss anything. Oh, Rouanne, I felt sure that at last he was going to ask me."

"Well," Rouanne said, "May be he's going to do something totally out of character and propose to you in public, but," she hugged me, "it may be something quite different. You must be ready for that."

Oh, God, I caaaaaan't" I wailed. "What if it's someone else? Oh, Rouanne, what shall I do?"

"Be brave," Rouanne said, "Be patient".

I was going to snap that it was easy for her to say when I remembered. I owned up about me eavesdropping. Rouanne turned pink. I told her I was so happy for her and that I didn't know how she could have waited all this time and didn't I say that they were meant for each other?

Rouanne laughed, "No, you did not," she said. "However, we have to worry more about you now." I agreed, sighing, that she and Manny might set an example in being patient but I for one saw no merit in it whatsoever. I didn't have the benefit of any Eastern philosophy to help me. I asked her what she though Mike was going to say and she could only shrug adding that she had noticed a big change in him since her return from Sri Lanka." He seemed happier and stronger. I though the trip to Wales might have changed him."

"Don't talk to me about Wales!" I snapped. Honestly of not for Alan I would have died of boredom. The high point of everyone's visit seemed to be learning how to say the word 'Wales' in Welsh, "Cymru" and that was it!"

A few hours later, we were ready to go to the pub. I agonised over what I was wearing, a blue clingy sort of dress, and low heeled shoes. Rouanne was in jeans and a dark green pullover. I hadn't given up hope that Mike's announcement had something to do with me and I didn't want to look too casual. A big group had gathered, including the Dean and Mrs. Dean. I felt squirmy and excited. Would Mike sit next to me?

Mike sat between Sid and Manny. He patted Manny on the back and said that Manny also had something to say. This turned out to be that Manny had now taught us everything he could, which he felt was relevant and would now take a two week break until our exams, were over. He wished us all the best. Everybody in our class shouted. Except Rouanne. She looked relieved. We appealed to the Dean, "You're on your own now," he said mildly. Manny added that he would like to give us al dinner on the last day of the examinations. He promised to be back by then. We cheered us a little.

Mike cleared his throat. I felt nervous. He made a little speech about knowing how exasperating he may have been during this term because he had been continually grappling with a personal decision. The trip to Wales and the solitude (solitude?) had helped him to reach a decision. He was going to become a priest. He'd been up for an interview and felt reasonably hopeful that he would be allowed to join.

I became aware that Rouanne was clasping my hand. I was oblivious to most other things. I'm sure everybody kept jumping up and hugging Mike and one another. Everything was going up an down. The others seemed to think it was a good thing. What about me? Oh, what about me? Could he be so blind not to know that I would die without him? Yes, I would die without him.

The next fortnight passed in a blur. I refused to discuss Mike, or myself, with Rouanne. I kept telling her I'd got things under control. I wanted to study now. The least I could do was to pass well. I felt a bit resentful of her, to be honest. She made no effort and she had Manny and Sid eating out of her hand. She didn't seem to miss him at all. I did. May be I would have talked to him.

Anyway, I had decided what to do and that was not to make a fool of myself. So I didn't show that I was slowly dying inside.

I couldn't tell you what the examinations were like. All I knew was I went to the Hall each day if I had a paper and I answered it. I am now writing my last answer in my paper. There is still another half hour to go but I rush. I give it in and go to my room. I wet three towels and arrange one at bottom of the door and two at the windows. I open the Gas. I do not write a note. I think that's silly. It didn't mater to anybody else, did it? It was my life. I can still breathe comfortably. What a long time this room is taking of fill with the gas. I must think of other things. Of Mike. A Priest! I remember Sid... but I don't want to. Only Mike. I remember Wales. And Alan, how kind he'd been to me... that didn't matter either. Stop thinking of them! I scold myself. Just think of Mike.

The air smells bitter now like stale-cola. I get on to Rouanne's bed. It's closer to the stove. I hope this finishes before Rouanne gets back. I feel sleepy.

I think I'm dreaming. I keep seeing Mike's face as he made his announcement. He looks so happy. Manny next to him. Manny and his invitation to dinner. When was it to be?... Tonight...... well too bad, I would not be there. Silly, they won't have... a dinner if I'm dead!

I remember the dance and Manny again. What did he say?.... We'll invite them all to dinner and then we'll tell them.... Tell them what?.... oh, about being married. Oh, what a pity they won't be able to ....

Something is making me cough, it is not easy to think. I don't want to spoil anything for Rouanne. She was .... is.... my best friend.

This was to be a big day.... I must get up.... I must turn off the gas...... I must stretch out my hand .... I cannot stretch out my hand... I must turn off the gas.... I cannot ...... (To be concluded next week)

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