Can I hear howls of protest?
By Kumudini Hettiarachchi
The other day I went to an interesting talk
by Sathya Saran, the progressive editor of “Femina,” — the women’s magazine
Sri Lankans are very familiar with — at the plush Indian Cultural Centre.
As anyone would guess, quite rightly these days, the topic was none
other than women.
“Women in changing India,” was Ms. Saran’s discourse. As the rain beat
down outside, a packed hall listened to what Indian women have achieved
and are still achieving. She drew examples of women from Indian mythology,
ancient India, the independence struggle and the present day, to stress
the point that women have been the agents of change.
According to Ms. Saran they have been a quiet and gentle influence.
She cited the example of two women, a mother and a wife, having to share
a single man - this brought out how women could fit into a complex situation
very well in their non-pervasive way. “Women have that quality in them
for subtle change,” she claimed.
In her eyes the greatness of women in her country lay in the fact that
centuries of foreign invaders had not resulted in the women losing their
Indianness. They had retained that - they took the good and threw out the
bad. She compared foreign influences to an orange: the Indian woman squeezed
out the juice, the best part and threw out the rind and the mush.
The Indian woman was now at the crossroads. But, Ms. Saran explains
that it is not from any western influence, though the country is flooded
with western things and goodies and well-packaged finished products, but
from the fact that the Indian woman has found her independence. She is
now fighting for her rightful place in the home, because most men, who
have been the holders of power, don’t understand that sharing doesn’t mean
sacrifice. Giving the woman her rightfulplace would only mean sharing,
this in turn will help growth.
Ms. Saran also spoke of the progress of feminism. But having lived in
Bombay, India I wonder how many women’s lives, this feminism we are shouting
about, has really touched.
What numbers was she talking about, a few hundred, a few thousand or
a few million?
The feminists may shout from the rooftops about women’s rights, but
these are just abstract issues to the common woman, struggling to find
a square meal for her family, facing the trouble and turmoil of living
in an extended family with the mother-in-law and sisters-in-law daily and
balancing a career and the home.
The counter argument would be quick in coming: We must start somewhere
and make progress, a step at a time.
As Ms. Saran conceded during the discussion, after the talk,education,
not only in the formal sense, seems to be the key, in India, in Sri Lanka
or any other Asian, African or for that matter western country which seeks
change in the role its women play.
Why do I say education? Before demanding equality from men - who some
of us portray as ogres - or running parallel to such demands should be
an awareness among women like us that sometimes the oppressors of women
are not only men, but women themselves. What about girl-child killings,
bride-burnings or sati (jumping into the husband’s funeral pyre) in India?
In most cases the girl-child’s mother herself aids and abets in her murder.
Who instigates bride-burning? In a majority of cases it is the mother-in-law
herself. In sati too the female relatives expect and demand it of the bereaved
widow.
For us in Sri Lanka, we don’t have to look towards India for guidance
or example. That is also somewhat like aping the west or aping our nearest
neighbour and big sister.
What do we see? Women, mostly educated ones at that, beating, harassing,
torturing the domestic help we demeaningly call “servants,” most of whom
are girls or women. In our workplaces, we criticise, condemn, put-down
and gossip about our female colleagues. If another woman is more efficient
than we are we tend to envy her, not to praise her, and concoct various
malicious stories on how she gets her promotions. How many of us try to
pull down a woman who is making vast strides in her career. We, ourselves
must examine our consciences and be true to ourselves.
Board a bus and if two women are seated, but there is room for a third,
they will look at you, sit more comfortably and look out of the window
pretending not to see you. What does it cost to give a little room to another
tired woman to sit?
Then there are the hundreds of non-governmental organisations (NGOs),
some good, some bad, which have sprung up to work for gender equality because
that’s where the money is. That’s also in vogue these days. Do most of
them really have the interests of the downtrodden women in their hearts?
Do they genuinely address the needs of women who don’t have equal rights,
equal pay etc? I wonder.
Women’s issues are exploited by many. I don’t condemn all NGOs - some
of them are doing good work. But many others don’t. This seems like another
form of prostitution. At least most streetwalkers sell their bodies to
feed their children, but these NGOs exploit the urban woman and the rural
woman in their own way - to get money, to get publicity, to get scholarships,
to get free foreign trips for the numerous conferences being held on women.
But as I keep repeating some NGOs are doing tremendous work in uplifting
the rural woman, in educating her on her rights.
Not only NGOs, some women themselves in their own silent way help many
others, they feel sympathetic towards others. That’s the crux of the issue.
And we must act as catalysts of change, slowly and gradually-with the
people closest to us. Our children, both girls and boys, should be taught
how not to be victimisers. If we teach them not only by advice but also
by our example to treat the maid as an equal, give her the same food that
we eat, then we have achieved a little bit. In school, to treat their classmates
as they would like to be treated, then we have achieved a bit more.
How can we preach to our children, to society and to the world about
equal rights, if we ourselves do not practise them.
May be my view of feminism itself is radical. I believe that we should
start small, with our circle of family and friends in treating everyone,
not only girls or women, but also boys and men as equals.
Another thing we seem to forget in our crusade is that we should treat
men as allies, not enemies. They are not an alien breed. They are our fathers,
brothers, husbands and sons. We cannot win in our struggle for emancipation
without them.
We women also scream our heads off about being exploited in advertisements.
Yes, it does happen. Ads on coffee show a woman caressing a man’s chest
- I don’t see the link between having a cup of coffee and the masculine
chest.
The most ridiculous connections are also portrayed with regard to women’s
sexuality. Remember the recent controversy about the light bulb and the
woman. We shout, women are being exploited, their bodies are being exploited.
But why don’t women themselves stop appearing in such ads. If there is
mass resistance or a boycott, then the ad men will have to rethink their
strategy. At the same time, if beautiful women are ready to sell their
sexuality, then the blame lies squarely on us as well. Can I hear howls
of protest?
Whatever the feminists may say, I maintain that we need to turn the
searchlight inward. Let us change our attitude towards other women, then
the men will get the message loud and clear. Otherwise, we are just hypocrites
mouthing futile platitudes to gain some personal advantage, without any
intention of helping our less fortunate sisters.
|
