The Fox writes

My Dear Satellite

How nice it is, my dear Satellite, to be able to congratulate you today, exactly four years to the day of assuming office. Watching from the World of Never Return, as I am, it is most gratifying for me to see you where you are today, continuing my own policies in a way that even I would be proud of.

Remember those good old days, when I was in retirement and you were in the Opposition. Then you were blaming the system I created for everything that went wrong. Like an angel of democracy, you promised to abolish that system when you came to office. But what did you do? You first gave a July 15 deadline and then conveniently forgot all about it!

What a good student of politics you have been. You remind me of my younger days; You know, if you continue to learn the tricks of the trade as fast as you are doing now, you could enjoy two full terms just like I did.

Take for instance, your latest gimmick. You have postponed provincial polls, despite promising solemnly that you would never ever do so. That makes even me blush right upto my big nose, Satellite.

Why, even I did that. Remember 1975, when you were still a young girl, your mother postponed elections. I made a big hue and cry and resigned my Colombo South seat and forced a by-election. Everyone thought I was a great democrat.

But in 1982, when I was in your chair I called a Referendum and postponed elections. I may have been legally right, but I was morally wrong. But, Satellite, I'm sure you now agree, who cares?

It is interesting to see your style of governance, Satellite. I see a resemblance to my own, there too.

Remember, when I was in the chair, there was Preme, Lalith and Gamini aspiring to be the next in line to the throne, though Preme was the official No 2? Do I see something of that sort among your ranks? Isn't the General, the Foreign Man and the Professor eyeing the No. 2 slot ?

Now, Satellite you must handle such situations with care. You know what I did. I encouraged each of them to build their own empire - the Udagamas, the Mahapola and the Mahaveli - and they were so busy fighting among themselves that none of them ever dared to challenge me. Divide and Rule, as the British said, is the best policy, Satellite!

Then, Satellite, you seem to have learnt my other tactic also very well - divide the Opposition a little, and then they commit suicide. I deprived your mother's civic rights using a commission and your party went to pieces. You are trying to deprive that poor chap Mendis of his civic rights and our party is going to pieces. You certainly learn fast, Satellite!

So, what can I say, expect best of luck, Satellite? I know you are not from my party, but I can't help but admire the way you have learnt the tricks of the trade. So happy anniversary.

Your's truly

From the Land of Never Return,

Twentieth Century Fox

P. S. - Satellite, there is however one thing on which you and I seem to differ. Even I had a soft spot for your little brother and tried to help him out at Kalaweva and even later. But you don't seem to think that way, do you? Do try to help him out, Satellite; for all his faults, he's a nice man....

Rajpal Abeynayake's Column

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