How young should you be...?

By Wathsala Mendis

" If you kiss somebody, do you get babies?"

This is just one of the many questions that young people put across during a series of seminars on 'Children and AIDS' conducted by the PEACE Campaign in 10 schools in the Western Province. The appalling ignorance among not only school children but also out-of-school youth about basic human anatomy and physiology is not surprising in a society which promotes a culture of silence when it comes to human sexuality.

Adolescence is the transitory period from childhood to adulthood in terms of sexual and emotional development. It's a turning point in a child's life where so many things happen to him/her all at once. Therefore, it's only natural that he/she has plenty of questions to ask about his/her changing body and feelings. And, yes, it's definitely a time for answers.

This is where parents and teachers should come in. But, since both are uncomfortable with the topic, they tend to gloss over it rather than to confront it head-on. The result could be disastrous. Their natural curiosity leads young people to seek information from television, videos, or tabloids which often casts a lurid light on sex. Or else, they turn to their peers. Unfortunately, what they learn is often distorted or inaccurate.

Dr. Sriani Basnayake, Medical Director, Family Planning Association of Sri Lanka, says many of the problems and anxieties young people face could be avoided if they were provided with basic and accurate knowledge about their sexuality. She, with 25 years of experience with the FPA, comes into daily contact with at least three or four couples whose marriages are on the rocks due to the issue of virginity.

Hundreds of thousands of brides in our country still have to go through the so-called 'virginity test' on their wedding day - an unfair and unscientific practice which is associated with passivity and ignorance about sexual matters. As Ms. Maureen Seneviratne, Chairperson, PEACE, aptly put it, "It's residue from the Stone Age."

All virgins will not bleed at first intercourse due to structural variations of the hymen (a mucous membrane partly covering the orifice of the vagina). A girl may have been born without it, have had a very lax hymen, or it may have got broken accidentally during vigorous exercise. Hence the need to do away with the primitive custom of producing a blood-stained white cloth as proof of a bride's virginity which, in fact, is a marginalization of the feminine gender.

Young girls should be taught about getting their period and about sanitary protection.

Similarly, a boy should be taught how he matures physically and mentally since puberty is not just a ' girl thing.'

The rapid growth spurt and the many psychological changes that occur during puberty may well leave boys and girls feeling confused and insecure. This is the time they feel the need and desire to communicate with a trusted adult. It's important that they learn that many of the things they might worry about are normal and just a part of growing up. Therefore, access to accurate sexual health information should be readily available.

Girls and boys will understand each other better if they learn about each other's changes. Effective communication is the key to teaching them to have a healthy and responsible attitude towards sexuality and love. Love is not just physical. It also involves caring for the other person and respecting the other person's body. Driving this point home is essential since the way in which young people accept sexuality will directly influence their sexual decision making.

Aneek, a 21-year-old youth from Nugegoda, voiced the opinion of many a youngster when he said reproductive health should be an integral part of the school curriculum and should be presented in the right manner at the right time. Today, there's an urgent need for this especially since, as he says, "young people talk more about sex than they do about love."

R.I.T. Alles, Principal, Gateway International School, agrees that instead of keeping mum about it, "we should take the bull by the horns." He related his experience during a visit to China where this subject is introduced from Year 7 onwards. It forms a part of science education and is presented in such a manner that children learn to accept it as something normal and natural.

Parents should develop a good relationship with their children so that they feel free to come and talk to them about any problem they have. "I feel that a family that not only prays together but also eats and talks together, stays together," he quipped.

Today, we can no longer turn a blind eye to the dangers children are exposed to. Therefore, it's important that the child pick the right person to seek information. Parents and teachers have a responsibility to teach children about the marvels and intricacies of the human body and how it functions. Sex is something sacred, a sanctity. Isn't it a miracle how two people come together and bring forth a new life? This is how young people should be taught to look at it," Mr. Alles said.

Since there is a considerable gap between "sexual awakening" and getting married, teenagers must learn the proper control of their new found sexual impulses and desires. During puberty they develop an adult body-both inside and out-which means they are physically able to become a parent. But they are not yet ready for the responsibility of marriage and parenthood.

It's a well-known fact that a good number of young people engage in intercourse while still in their teens. This includes all kinds of youth, be they from city, suburban, town, or rural areas. Still others use injectable drugs and many share needles. With the looming presence of AIDS and the rising rates of other sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea and syphilis, such risky behaviour could mean a matter of life and death.

"We have an obligation to teach our children about human sexuality, AIDS, STDs and their implications, and the need to practice safe sex," says Peter Gittins, Head of the Overseas Children's School. Not admitting to the problem and sweeping things under the carpet is not the solution, because ill-informed people may make the wrong decisions. He adds that "schools can play a vital role in the personal development of students by providing them with sex education." Teachers should be working closely with parents who, in turn, should be proactive by being aware of the numerous dangers and health hazards children are exposed to and being more open about the subject.

Talking to young people about sex, AIDS, or STDs is not at all easy. But what parents and teachers should realize is that when you talk to your children about human sexuality, sexual health, and other related issues, you're showing them that you CARE.

Too often young people accuse adults of not talking and not listening to them and too often they are right. Sex is a tense topic. So talking about it may be difficult at first; both you and your children may feel a little uncomfortable. But you have an obligation to give them a basic knowledge and understanding of sexuality which is an integral part of each person. Remember, it's always better to be safe than to be sorry.

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