The Fifth Column

27th September 1998

A Presidential affair

When Bill Clinton heard that Satellite was in New York attending the UN General Assembly he immediately sent word saying he wanted to meet her. This is what the conversation was like, when they met:

"Hello, Bill, sorry I kept you waiting....'' "Don't worry, Satellite, what's a couple of hours for me. It's so nice of you to agree to meet me....''

"But that's nothing for the publicity I can get in return, Bill....''

"No, Satellite I thought you might be reluctant to meet me after all those Monica stories.....''

"No, Bill, not at all. After all, this is New York, not the Oval Office in Washington.....''

"So you might have guessed why I wanted to meet you....''

"Why, Bill, do you want to help us to defeat the Tigers....?"

"Good Lord, No, not at all. I don't know about any Tigers at all....''

"Then, do you want us to have Provincial Council elections, Bill?"

"No, Satellite, you've got this all wrong, I just want some advice about this Monica affair.....''

''Go ahead, Bill, I'll be glad to help if there's anything I can do...."

"How do I handle this, Satellite? That fellow Starr is making life so difficult for me....''

"Tell me, Bill, has this Starr fellow got any neighbours" Neighbours? Well, er..... yes, he must be having neighbours wherever he is living. But what has that got to do with this Monica affair?"

"Why, Bill, can't you get any of those neighbours to complain to the FBI saying that Starr assaulted them?"

"But, Satellite, Starr is a legal officer. He doesn't go around punching his neighbours any more than I do....''

"I know, Bill, I know that....''

"Then, what do you propose to do?"

"Well, after the neighbours complain, you can get the FBI to arrest Starr.....''

"Arrest Starr? My God, Satellite, if I do that, that will be worse than the Monica affair, I'm sure to be impeached....''

"What nonsense, Bill. Take my word....''

"What do you mean by that?"

"You can even transfer the FBI fellow who arrests Starr....''

"Gosh, Satellite, you do think of everything, don't you.....''

"Yes, we do. It's our job really, Bill....''

"But if I am still impeached....?''

"I'm afraid Bill, I can't answer that one, but I can find someone who will get you out of that mess....''

"From where is that?"

"He's not in our camp. He used to speak those days but these days he's nearly retired. I'll ask him to call you....''

"Please do," Bill Clinton said, gratefully.

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