LIFE STYLE

Love in the samefeild

US President Bill Clinton's marriage to Hillary Rodham seems to have stood the test of time (provided it's not too early to predict!) So has Hollywood heartthrob Tom Cruise's to Nicole Kidman, though the lovebirds have apparently enjoyed a relatively peaceful and steady relationship compared to the Clintons' union which has weathered many a crisis, most recently the celebrated Lewinsky affaire.

They have something else in common. In both marriages the husband and wife are in the same profession. Has it helped Hillary to deal with the scandal which almost rocked their marriage or Tommy to come to terms with the fact that hundreds of thousands of men dream of his wife?

Western society, of course, has its reputation for whirlwind romances, marriages, and breakups. We in this part of the world are considered more reserved and conventional. How do Sri Lankan husbands and wives, employed in the same field of work, cope with the pressures of family life? Does their shared profession make life easier or tougher?

It was while they were studying for a course in hairdressing that Thilaque and Raleena first met. They've now been married for the past eight years. "This is not a nine-to-five job. We leave home early in the morning at around 7.30 and when we get back it's about 8, 9 at night. It's a lot of hard work and sacrifice. Ours is not a job really. It's more a personalised service. And being in the same line of work definitely helps," says Thilaque. "Yeah, it helps us understand the difficulties and problems at work and sort them out together, to find comfort and strength in each other at times of need, and plan our work ahead," Raleena chips in.

"You also learn to share your responsibilities. I mean like when one of us falls sick or cannot go to work due to some other commitment, the other person is always there to take care of the business. For us work always comes first. It's also easy when it comes to making plans for going out as both of us leave for work and come home at the same time."

Nihal and Kusuma Pieris are lawyers in their early 60s. After a long courtship during their years at Law College, they got married 32 years ago and are proud parents of a son who's also a lawyer. "Being in private practice helped us find time for our son. We were always there when he needed us. And the fact that both my wife and I were in the same profession was a great help. That's the only way we could have done it," Mr. Pieris smiles. Even though they do not talk shop at home as a principle, they do seek each other's help and advice in solving problems. "The ability to understand the other person, to relate to him or her, and being there for each other are the greatest assets in our marriage," he says.

Sarath and Indra Yatawara fell in love when they were teaching in the same school in Yakkala. This was in the mid 1970s. They've been married for the past 22 years with two children.

"Of course we have our problems and disagreements at times. But then both of us being teachers, we understand each other better. It definitely helps coping with the pressure of our job. Yes, we do discuss our problems at school and try to work things out together. This is not always successful. But it does ease the tension and takes a load off your mind."

And they consider themselves luckier than most other parents in that they can devote more time for their children. "It's important that you listen to them and try to understand their point of view. The same goes for your partner." Mr. Yatawara attributes their happy marriage to the ability to respect each other's opinions.

It was after they realized that 90% of the talking they did at home was about nothing but work that Mithu and Pradeep decided to put a stop to it. Now it has boiled down to interesting anecdotes at the workplace. Funny considering the fact that it was the very thing that brought them together four years ago in India while working for two advertising agencies.

Now Pradeep has moved to Ceylon Tobacco Company as a Brand Manager while Mithu continues in the advertising field. At least once a month she has to work during the weekend. "While I'm away Pradeep takes care of everything- cooking, washing, cleaning." Not much of a problem since they don't have kids. But sometimes they do find it difficult to go out because Mithu's job demands a lot of time and energy. Nonetheless they see to it that work never takes priority over their family life.

"I never want to become a doctor," Chandani and Chanaka Karunaratne's seven-year-old daughter once complained, apparently annoyed at the fact that both her father and mother are extremely busy people. Chanaka is the Senior Registrar at the Colombo National Hospital while Chandani works at the OPD.

"For the past nine years that we've been married we've never been able to go on a vacation. As Chanaka has to be on call I have to look into everything. I'm the cook, the driver...sometimes it's just too much. But what to do? That's life," says Chandani who manages to come home early as she's doing the 10-4 shift.

Chanaka, having studied hard for five years for his PhD, plans to go abroad for further studies. He's grateful to his wife for having sacrificed so much for him. "If she too had taken to higher studies, she could have ended up a consultant. But somebody had to take care of the kids and she was willing to make the sacrifice."

As Chanaka says marrying someone from the same profession has its advantages and disadvantages. It does not necessarily guarantee a blissful family life. No two individuals are 100% identical in their ideas and opinions. And there's no foolproof single recipe for a successful marriage.

Life has its ups and downs. Even though it is said that marriages are made in heaven, it's each other's commitment, the sense of responsibility, mutual understanding, and the capacity for give-and-take that makes it work.

TRAVEL

Going Dutch

When most people think of Amsterdam, unfortunately the first things that flash into their heads are freely available drugs and the infamous Red Light district. Admittedly, a seedy reputation to have, and one that this charming city surely does not deserve. Founded on a dam on the river Amstel in the thirteenth century, the city went on to become the hub during the busy days of the seventeenth century when the Dutch were expanding their trading empire and doing interesting things like invading us.

Modern Amsterdam is filled with exciting contemporary architecture that somehow manages to blend harmoniously with the older houses. It is a city with a youthful approach to life, always alive and ready to try out new ideas and experiences. It also helps that many Dutch people speak perfect English and are usually friendly and willing to help people who are as clueless as I am.

Central Amsterdam is quite small but filled with interesting sights to see. Amongst the many attractions the city has to offer is the Anne Frank House, the war-time hiding place of a young Jewish girl and her family and friends, who were evading the Nazis. After spending two years escaping discovery, they were captured and were taken to the concentration camps , which only Anne Frank's father survived. The diaries of the young girl detailing their life in hiding were the only thing that remained in the house, and since they were published in 1947, they have gone on to sell 13 million copies. The house remains exactly as the Frank family left it, right down to the movie star pin-ups in Anne's bedroom and the marks on the walls detailing the heights of the children. Other rooms in the house detail the rise of Nazism and the atrocities committed, while also being a grim reminder that the spectre of fascism is rising again across Europe.

Amsterdam is also home to many good art museums, including one dedicated to the work of the Netherlands' most famously insane painter Vincent Van Gogh, he of the severed ear and 'Sunflowers' fame. For those of you who like modern art, the Stedelijk has a major collection from the 18th century onwards , featuring the work of Picasso, Matisse, Mondrian and Chagall amongst others, as well as Impressionists like Manet and Monet, and newer painters like Mark Rothko and Ellsworth Kelly - enough to make any modern art lover salivate.

For those with a more classical bent, the Rijksmuseum has a fabulous collection featuring works by other great Dutch 17th century painters like Vermeer and Rembrandt, whose famous 'The Nightwatch' adorns their walls. It also contains fine collections of Asian art and displays on Dutch history.

Amsterdam has superb public transport facilities, with an efficient and logical tram service that can whip you around the city without leaving a serious dent in your wallet. Buy a 'strippenkart' from any tobacconist, post office or railway service and stamp it yourself - no hectoring conductors shortchanging you here.

Amsterdam is also very bike-friendly , so the adventurous amongst you might chose to rent one and explore the city that way. It certainly makes a big difference to the pollution levels in the city. But be warned if you are a pedestrian - you not only have to cope with cars and buses, but tram lanes and cycle lanes as well. This means that if you do not want to be decapitated, you have to keep a very alert eye all around you when you are crossing.

But in a city cobwebbed with canals, undoubtedly the best way to see the sights of the city is by boat. Tours last ninety minutes and give you a spectacular introduction to old and new Amsterdam. If you're feeling particularly romantic, then maybe you might want to try taking your partner on a candlelit cruise in the evening, complete with dinner, flowers and music. However, the energetic amongst you might want to rent a pedalo or peddle boat, and you can happily wander around the canals at your own pace.

The tours meander around the beautiful tree-lined waterways, giving you a close-up glimpse of life on board the city's 3000-plus houseboats - a great way to live if you don't get seasick. Unusual sights abound from one man bands on tiny rowboats to grand pianos being hoisted into the top floors of houses via cunning block and tackle devices. During the strictly controlled development of the city, even the wealthiest citizens had to conform to stringent design specifications which meant that individualism in residences was limited to things like the ornate gables that decorate each building. Bizarrely, property taxes were also levied according to the width of the house - hence the prevalence of tall, narrow buildings

With the wind in your hair, and the sun on your back it is a truly civilised way to get to know a city.

When I do get around to visiting the Red Light district, it all seems a bit surreal, like Disneyland with fishnet stockings. Families with children eating lollipops wander down the cobbled streets, while the prostitutes either strut and preen in their underwear behind high windows or sit there languidly smoking bored cigarettes. There are apparently over 5000 women who ply their trade in the area, and they have their own union, the De Rode Draad which represents them. There isn't a hint of seediness around the place.

Across the street from a sultry Latina pouting in a scarlet corset, a mother plays with her kids on her doorstep ; there are of course groups of men who stop to gawk, and occasionally one brave one will pluck up the courage to wave. But none of them dare to take pictures of the girls; in this strange moral universe, that is just not on.

It is also a tad difficult for me to come to terms with the smell of ganja in the air , while policemen ride by on their bikes completely unconcerned. Large window displays proudly boast about the quality and potency of their weed, while offering the budding cannabis horticulturalist every conceivable piece of paraphernalia needed to start their own little cash crop - from gardening books to high intensity lamps to speed up the process.

The famous coffeeshops are filled with the cloyingly sweet smell of every type of hash and grass - they even have brand names , for Pete's sake: Columbian Red, Moroccan Gold, etc.

For slightly more conservative pleasures, connoisseurs of beer might want to make a pilgrimage to the Heineken Brewery. While no longer functioning, it does offer tours of the whole brewing process, which are apparently topped off by free snacks and beer for the parched.

There is so much more to talk about Amsterdam - the many restaurants and cafes serving delicious food from dreamy cakes and pastries to spicy Indonesian and Surinamese dishes ; the friendliest and coziest bars I have ever encountered in the world, where to strike up a conversation is to learn something new in a delightful way; clubs which play an exciting range of music from hip-hop to house to stuff you just can't put a name to ; the verdant Vondelpark south of the Leiseplein, ideal for lazing around on a hot summer afternoon; having a coffee in the orangery of the Hortus Botanicus, a botanical garden with over 6000 species - truly an oasis in the city. But space does not permit me to cover them all.

One thing's for sure though - I'm going back for another visit.

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