Two million rupee citizen

Those who have been regaled by that wonderfully humorous television series "Yes Minister" and "Yes Prime Minister" know that even politicians who consider themselves particularly erudite or deviously clever can become like putty in the hands of officials who have meticulously cultivated the gentle art of misleading both the political establishment and the public.

Even ministers of days gone by such as the redoubtable Felix Dias Bandaranaike who sometimes ran four ministries from two offices were not entirely immune from official cunning or official laxity and occasional indifference.

It often happens when politicians, especially ministers, take on too much work or leave too much in the hands of officials sincerely believing that delegating work is an intrinsic task of ministerial office. They often lose sight of what is actually happening on the ground, as military correspondents never tire of saying.

Having suffered from bureaucratic tortuousness and particularly nasty pieces of red herring in the last 10 years in Hong Kong and having experienced it earlier at home, I suppose something of it sticks on to you. 

All this in the way of an introduction to what happened to a Sri Lankan doctor from England who was in Colombo on holiday with his family a couple of months ago. The good ole doc still has a yearning for his homeland and would like to be a citizen of his land of birth once more, even if doctors are given something of a run around by politicians these days. This doc wanted to apply for dual citizenship for his family of four including two children.

Having somehow survived the heat and Colombo's snarling traffic, the chap who wanted to return to his heritage headed off in the right direction-that is the Citizenship Division- which I believe comes under the Immigration Department.

Having served in Sri Lanka he knew from personal experience that getting things done in the country required the right contacts. 

In the days I used to work for the media in Colombo one needed to know the right people. My more cynical colleagues whose cynicism increased in the same proportion as the inebriating brew they imbibed , added another factor.

That, it was said with some relish, was how much one had in the pocket. In one word, cash or moola or dinero or a fistful of dollars-take your pick. 

Anyway, there was this doctor all armed with the relevant and apparently some irrelevant documents which traced his family tree back to a primeval forest, setting out to have his name and memory restored among the 19 million citizenry, give or take a couple of million who have disappeared or taken wing or boat.

Poor chap was obviously not ready for the shock for when it came he nearly had to treat himself, I'm told. Since I've not identified the doctor, let's not identify the official who administered the shock therapy. 

Let's not even mention the sex of the official. In these days of equal opportunity even to make an ass of oneself, even a passing gender reference might be misconstrued as sexual discrimination.

Having presented the documents and dealt with the rest of the bureaucratic gobbledegook the visiting doctor thought that dual citizenship was in his pocket. But imagine his surprise when he realised that the official was more interested in seeing how much he had in his pocket than putting anything into it.

The doctor was apparently told that he would have to show he had assets totalling at least 2 1/2 million rupees. Now nobody had obviously told him about what appeared to be a new requirement.

In the days when dual citizenship was introduced, I remember a couple had to pay Rs 125,000. I know some, also resident in England, who paid that amount and later were granted Sri Lankan nationality once again. If one added another Rs100,000 per child it still would not amount to the 2 1/2 million the doctor thought he had been asked to cough up.

Anyway something didn't seem right. So I asked Dr. Lal Jayawardena, our High Commissioner to the court of St. James. He being new to office here wasn't quite sure what the score was. But his then deputy Chitrangani Wagiswara, who is now back in the Foreign Ministry in Colombo after her stint here was certain that there had been no change in the earlier conditions when a couple needed to pay only Rs 125,000 as I had remembered.

Something was obviously wrong somewhere. If the conditions for dual citizenship have been changed, one would expect Sri Lanka's missions abroad to be duly informed. After all even a bureaucratic mind should be able to grasp the simple fact that it is persons of Sri Lankan origin living abroad who would want to apply for dual citizenship, not those at home.

Have the requirements been revised upwards and the missions kept in the dark about it? Or could it be that the official, used to talking in terms of millions of rupees instead of thousands these days, simply made a natural enough error?

With Sri Lankans paying this levy and that tax, no wonder you have to be a millionaire to exist. Come November they will probably be called upon to pay more as the professori who does the mathematics in Colombo looks for new ways to fill his coffers.

One thing the British taught us was how to squeeze the last cent out from under the pillow with an array of taxes. Those living here realise that the old masters haven't lost anything of their touch.

So far I haven't been taxed for sneezing but it won't be long before they send me to a doctor under the National Health System and squeeze a little over five sterling pounds for the kindness.

I've learnt a thing or two about taxes since coming here. So if I might pass on an idea-just an idea mind you- to my Thomian colleague, why doesn't he legislate that every Sri Lankan of voting age (or even below it) should attend parliament at least twice a month? Then tax those not attending.

The problem of course, is that our people are ever ready for a good laugh. They would all apply for that peculiar Sri Lankan form of leave-short leave- and pour into parliament like the hordes of Genghis Khan. Il Doctore who looks after the national purse might not fill his coffers but the citizenry will have a rollicking time. The ancient Romans were provided with panem et circensis. The bread might be rather expensive to give away. But circuses-well that's a thought worth pursuing.

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