What
if the world stopped turning.....
By Norm(an) de Plume
Don't you ever get the feeling that we take things for granted
now and then? Some things in life have become so common that
we usually expect them to happen each time, every day. But what
if they suddenly changed, or didn't happen at all? Perhaps the
world will come to a standstill, who knows? Just to be on the
safe side, so that we can be prepared for any eventuality, let's
try and theorize what might happen.
Obviously,
since we can't think of all the situations, let's just take
the more mind-boggling ones. But don't worry, I don't think
that any of these are too likely to happen.
01. WHAT
IF an episode of a local teledrama was made without a crying
scene in it? Can you just imagine the catastrophe this would
cause? They'll probably have to come up with a whole new name
for such an episode, since crying at least twice is essential
to a teledrama as we have come to understand it. It would
also mean that actors will have to take acting courses all
over again, since I am sure they had spent most of their energy
previously on crying techniques. E.g. - the 'hysterical' cry,
the 'silent sob', the 'abusive-threatening-self pitying' wail,
the funeral wail, the s/he broke up with me/I don't want to
live anymore' thingy etc.
02. WHAT
IF the men in foreign 'Soap Operas' aired on local TV lose
the desire to sleep with every female character or vice versa?
Most of these (or at least the few episodes I have watched
during particularly self-destructive stages of my life) seem
to revolve around the son finding a girlfriend, the girlfriend
falling for the father and getting married to him, and then
finding out that she really likes the son (a.k.a. the former
boyfriend) or is it his brother....etc. (But you must admit,
it certainly manages to hold the attention of the audience.
After all, it takes a bit of energy just to remember the relationships
e.g. X is Y's ex-girlfriend/ex-step mom/ present sister-in-law
and so on.)
03. WHAT
IF aliens decided to abduct a non-American for a change? Obviously,
the 'little green men' have not heard of equality, or they
are only having their experiments on the population of Northern
America, but either way, they seem to be obsessed with abducting
Americans. What if they abducted, say a Sri Lankan instead?
No doubt their whole understanding of the human populace would
change. Take for example, if they took one of our local authorities
and dissected him, their utter bewilderment to find out that
the brain cavity is empty?
04. WHAT
IF people in Sri Lanka actually started wearing clothes more
suited to our climate? You know what I mean; less black, less
ski-caps, less heavy jackets and so on. Where will the poor
Americans send their discarded fashions? They'll probably
end up sending most of their products to countries where the
temperature actually does fall below 20 degrees. So sad.
05. WHAT
IF all of a sudden you could completely understand the opposite
sex? Come on, be serious.
Comments?
Write into norman_deplume@hotmail.com
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