Just hope and luck by the looks of it

My Dear Mahinda maama,

I thought I must write to you because I am sure you still find the time to read newspapers, even though the country is virtually at war, because you seem to find the time to attend to very important events such as felicitating actors and handing over appointments to doctors!

I am not sure whether you are aware of it, Mahinda maama, but petrol prices have been increased yet again. I don't think it is Fowzie's fault though you would have to ask whether that Bharatha Lakshman is responsible for it. But I am certain you are not responsible for such unkind decisions and you are powerless to do that anyway, because you couldn't even stop the petrol strike for quite a few days!

You must know by now, Mahinda maama, that when you have the top job in the country it doesn't really matter whether you are responsible for such things or not because people also blame you for everything! But they don't give you credit, for instance, when they start seeing 'budu ras' in every street corner, do they?

Of course, then there is the war that we all have to worry about. There will be those who say that you are responsible for that too and then there will be those who say there would have been no war had Uncle Ranil been at the top. Whatever the reason, what really matters is that you promised us a 'gauravaneeya saamayak' but that seems to be nowhere in sight now!

Correct me if I am wrong, but it just seems as if we are managing the war quite like they manage the daily pola at Hambantota- just check what is on offer on any given day and then make some choices about what you want to do! And with all due respect to your illustrious siblings, it doesn't appear quite right when Gotabhaya malli and Basil malli seem to be taking all the important decisions…

Then, Mahinda maama, we hear that you will strike a deal with the Somawansas and the Weerawansas. I hope you will be careful about what subjects you allocate to them and how you handle them. You cannot surely forget how they crept into Satellite's Cabinet and then began to behave as if Satellite had crept into their Cabinet!

But the one thing that you never fail to do is to swear in a Green MP, almost one every day, as surely as you must be having kola kenda and kurakkan for breakfast each morning.

I must admit I'm more than a little puzzled by that, Mahinda maama, because the people who are joining you are either unheard of backbenchers or no-good wrong-doers whom the Greens will be glad to get rid of. But who knows, you may be saving the best for the last and we might even find Uncle Ranil being sworn before you as the Deputy Minister of Procrastination!

Of course, amidst all this, it is nice to see that you are able to grin from ear to ear whenever you pose for the cameras. At least then we know that somebody is happy in this country of ours!

So, Mahinda maama, all we can hope is that you have the luck to carry on the job you undertook, at least for the next six years. And, by the looks of the first nine months, you will certainly need all the luck you can get!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS- And now we hear that good old Satellite is about to return from England. Now the news that your old boss is returning from Old Blighty is worse than the war, petrol price hikes, strikes and everything else put together, so we hope we will still be able to see your million rupee smile after she returns to Paradise!