Creating more space and love in our lives

The Four Heavenly Abodes – loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity are practices taught by the Buddha in the Pali canon. As one repeats three sentences connected to each quality, one develops concentration and thus tranquility. By visualising oneself and other people in the light of the different qualities, one begins to open one's heart and to feel more acceptance and love for all of life.

A basic formula to repeat is as follows:
May I/You be happy
May I/You be at peace
May I/You be free from suffering
Loving-kindness is benevolence, wishing happiness for self and others. It requires us to connect with ourselves and others. Love is the outward movement from the heart that impels us to break out of narrow self-centredness and open up to the whole world. When we repeat the sentences, we are redirecting our intention, thoughts and feelings toward openness and kindness.

Compassion means having empathy with our own suffering and the suffering of others. We acknowledge that suffering exists, is painful, and can lead to great isolation. Nobody can truly feel the pain of somebody else, but we can try to empathise - to stop and listen to other people's problems, be with their suffering, break through their isolation.

Sympathetic joy is the ability to rejoice at the happiness of others. Instead of assuming that happiness is limited and that another's share of it will take away from our own, we realise that rejoicing with other people adds to our happiness. There is no limit to love, to happiness. Rejoicing with others liberates us from small-mindedness and resentment. Also, by rejoicing in our own happiness, we acknowledge the good things in our life and develop gratitude.

Equanimity is essential to balance the first three qualities so that we are not overwhelmed by love, compassion, or joy. We experience these feelings, but we do not grasp at them, we do not overreact. Like a mirror, we reflect what is present, but when that is gone, we also let go. We realise that we cannot live people's lives for them. We want to help, we feel for them, but we cannot change them – only they can do that. But we can still love them, feel for them and rejoice with them with a calm and clear mind, with equanimity.

When we are practising the Four Heavenly Abodes, we are not trying to become perfect; rather, we are trying to create more space and love in our life. When the meditation ends, a taste will remain that flavours our life with a calm and deeply felt joy.