Better post your satellite far away from the island of crossovers

By Rypvanwinkle

My Dear Satellite,

I thought I must write to you because everyone seems to be expecting you to make a comeback to the country after attending to family matters in London. But you being you, we know you will not return in a hurry and will keep everyone waiting...

As you know, Satellite, the political landscape has changed quite a bit since you left us -perhaps a year too early – when the Courts decided that you had overstayed your welcome. I will not blame you if you walk into Parliament these days and mistake the government for the opposition and the opposition for the government.

Why, you will find Karu and his other horu sitting on the government side and your erstwhile friend Mangala sitting on the opposition side. Then there are those who themselves don't know which side they are on such as Thonda and Rauf. If you are in doubt, just spot Ranil: wherever he is, that is where the opposition is!

Anyway Satellite, we are all intrigued by what Mangala is doing. There he was, less than two years ago, selling Mahinda maama to the people proclaiming him to be the man who will vanquish the Tigers and become another Dutugemunu. And poor Ranil was supposed to be the chap who was doing an ali-koti deal and selling the country to Prabhakaran.

And now, or so Mangala wants us to believe, the real deal with the koti was done by someone else, just so the northerners would not go to vote and Mahinda maama would be elected. I am not sure whether that is true or not, but Mahinda maama did get elected and Mangala now wants us to forgive him for that!

So, Satellite, we are now being told that there will be a grand alliance against Mahinda maama. Now, Satellite, you know a thing or two about alliances, having being instrumental in forming first the United Socialist Alliance, then the Bahujana Nidahas Peramuna and more recently the Peoples Alliance and the United Peoples Freedom Alliance. And the only thing common to all these alliances – apart from you – is that they all end in disaster.

That is why we must be excused if we are all a bit pessimistic about Mangala's prospects but to give him credit where it is due, Mangala appears to be the only man with a backbone in the hundred-plus cabinet that we have today.

But, Satellite, your good friends the rathu sahodarayas are telling Mangala that he should have nothing to do with the Greens and even among the Greens, your other good friend Seeni Bola doesn't like his thunder being stolen by Mangala. So, it wouldn't be an easy task for Mangala to get this broad alliance up and running, let alone topple Mahinda maama from his pedestal.

And then, when he says that he is laying out the red carpet to welcome you, Satellite, it puzzles all of us because if there is anything in common between the Greens, the rathu sahodarayas and Seeni Bola it is their dislike towards you. So, how he could form an alliance between them with you at the top is a little baffling, to put it mildly.

And let's face it Satellite, people will not be very kind to you too because of what was done - or rather, not done – during your term of office. So, with regard to your return, maybe it would be better never than late, after all! Think about it, will you?
Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS – And now we hear that chap Clinton has offered you a job and a good one at that. If I were you, I'd take it up even though recent history tells us that each leader was worse than his or her predecessor - with the possible exception of Dearly Beloved. The way things are turning out, that might quite hold true in the near future as well...