All in the game

A wise man once said, "…She took almost everything from me… I could have been anyone you see – I wish it was anyone but me. Nothing but pills and ashes under my skin…". I'm sorry, I lied. The "wise man" is merely my ex-boyfriend, who was singing a popular Counting Crows' song while being a bit intoxicated. But I couldn't think of a single thinker who aptly spoke of the role of the Sri Lankan male in the harrowing custom of courting a woman. (ahem…Lady.)

Before we begin, I would like to say that this 100% cynicism-free appraisal is sponsored by years of experience of being harassed by dozens of lecherous men and is dedicated to all of you who belong in jail but are unfortunately still roaming the streets. I do declare that courtship is a difficult process – especially if you're a guy.

After all, you've got to be nice, buy presents, drive us back and forth and suffer the indignity of asking us dumb questions like "can I kiss you now?" And oh, the suffering you must endure when a woman insists on commitment instead of gratefully saying at the end of the deed, "Sir, I do congratulate you on your smooth operational skills. Off you go and I wish you all the best with your next conquest."

Obviously men are completely physiologically different to women. This was important in the olden days when man had to go hunting for animals and protect his woman and children from the predators of the jungle. Increased skill to lie and cheat, finely tuned spatial skills and an emotional capacity of a teaspoon had apparently helped our ancestors brave the jungle.

However, we're not in the jungle anymore and I don't think we can go back even if we wanted to, because the jungle doesn't really exist. Gentlemen, as the superior race, it would be better if you put away your primitive tools… The women of today are getting ripped off. Instead of enjoying romance, building trust, confidence and friendship as they progress along the process of dating, they are getting diverted into a quagmire of technicalities. These should be fun times, exciting times. However, they are not.

As worldly as our current system of dating is, it has only been around for less than a century and as free as it allows you to be, it's certainly not beautiful. If Willie Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet once more, Romeo would probably mutter a simple, "Oh dear" under his breath and walk away to find the next lucky gal willing to bear the heir to the Montague fortune. In the present climate of freedom, Heathcliff wouldn't disappear in the misty moors, Cleopatra would meet a happy death, drowning prettily in a bath of goat's milk and the Taj Mahal would never be built. So where in all your harrowing present-buying and "can-I-kiss-you's, have things gone wrong? Where does Romeo end and Don Juan begin?

Sadly, we still do not know. Does it get uncomplicated? Look at the brighter side. No more guilt trips or drama. No more arguments; no more need to accommodate pathological lies. But in reality, you are damaged. Not because of what he did, but because of what you allowed him to do.

As the story draws to a close, I can't help but think of the recent no-action I've received. But the absence of all the drama-queen moments I would have foolishly indulged in, has given me plenty of time to think. Not knowing what I wanted from what I needed, has given me masses of battle scars both on my body and my mind. Would a scar be worth it since it's the strongest part of your skin? Absolutely not. Only an ancient smooth-skinned Greek guy who lived in the time of the original Romeo might think otherwise.