My Dear former President Gayoom,

I thought I must write to you because I was shocked to hear that you had been defeated in the presidential elections in the Maldives after thirty long years. I know that is a long time because we generally get rid of our presidents at the end of twelve years but even then, I didn’t believe I would ever be referring to you as ‘former’ President!

But, Gayoom, I was told that you lost in the first ever multi-party elections in your country. Now, I daresay that was a mistake. If you had been winning election after election, I cannot understand why you had to allow changes to the Constitution that could only cause you trouble. You know, we on this side of the Indian Ocean would have never allowed that to happen!

Now, they tell me that you lost because you were dictatorial and because you favoured your family members for key appointments. Well, that is what presidents are for, we always thought! I would even argue that you haven’t done enough for your family and that is why you lost. For instance, do you have a brother as the defence secretary, a brother as a minister and a brother as an MP? If not, how dare they accuse you of favouring your family!

It is also a pity that the Maldives is quite a peaceful country and an expensive tourist destination. Instead, if it was a hotbed of terrorism for instance, you could have always waged a war and become a hero. Now, that is one strategy that would guarantee your popularity, no matter what else happens to minor issues like the economy and democracy!

Gayoom, you may have missed a trick when you found yourself slipping in the popularity ratings. Why, you could have easily picked a fight with India and then appear to stand alone and fight against the Big Brother and instantly, you would have been hailed as a national hero who stood up against the mighty neighbour-and winning the elections thereafter would have been a cakewalk...

And, why on earth did you allow free and fair elections, Gayoom? Yours is a country of so many little islands and all you had to do was to hold elections region by region and that alone would have guaranteed your victory! For instance, you could have held elections to the eastern islands first, the north central islands next and so on...

Then I am sure you permitted the radio stations and television networks to broadcast freely about the elections, Gayoom. Now that is a fatal mistake. Even we have realised that now as our own elections are nearing, we are making sure that television networks have to get their licences renewed every year by the government. What better way to ensure that everybody falls in line, Gayoom, and had you only asked us, we would have told you about this trick...

Surely, Gayoom, didn’t you at least try to reduce the price of gas closer to elections? When you approve of such a move, voters tend to forget all the hardships imposed on them all those years and begin to think that the government is in fact concerned about their welfare. Of course, you shouldn’t lower the price of petrol because that will reduce the earnings of the state coffers but unfortunately, you seem to have missed that trick too!

Well, I suppose it is a little too late for all this advice now because you have lost the election. But, being only 69 years of age, I believe you will have to think of where you would have to spend your retirement. And, after being in power for thirty years I am sure there could be many skeletons in the closet, so take good heed of at least this piece of advice: go anywhere but don’t stay in the Maldives; you wouldn’t want to be hauled up before the courts, be disgraced and ordered to pay fines, would you?

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS-If only you had told our friends in the North, they would have sent two ‘kurumbetti’ planes during the counting of votes, you could have switched off the power supply, stuffed the ballot boxes and still been the President. But then, you have missed that trick too!