She was no ordinary person; she was just one of a kind. My mother bore five children and I being the youngest had the privilege of being with her the longest. Was it fun! Mum was a great sport and supported all my crazy thoughts and actions. She was someone who through her exemplary behaviour taught us the basic principles of life, in doing the right thing at the right time. I hope that I have followed somewhere closely in her footsteps.
She was the proudest, of her children’s achievements. Promotions, passing exams, excelling in school activities, doing well in sports, music, recognition in any way - she would scream the loudest at such events, when we walked up to collect our prizes or trophies!
Mum was ‘Grandma’, ‘Ummi’, or ‘Wappama’ to her nine grandchildren – all of who she had spells of interaction with during their early years and while growing up, since all of them now live overseas. She also had one great grandson- Sameed born to Salma, whom she never saw in real life, only in pictures. She had a special place in her heart though for Tahira, my daughter whom she would talk to almost every other week many months ago when she was able to when I made my usual call to her. All of us parents were put in our places when our kids were reprimanded, and it was she who got the loudest ‘cheer’ from the kids every time she was the peacemaker!
Mummy, or Thufa to the rest of the world was a human being who treated everyone alike. Her forte was in needlecraft, and fortunately, she has left some of her treasures with all of us. She enjoyed praying, singing, driving, taking part in motor rallies (it ran in the family) - she was game for anything. She did loads of social service especially during her years of being in the Inner Wheel Club, where she roped me into supporting her fund raisers when she was President. She was also a member of the Muslim Women’s Association, and the Housewives Association. I am sure she must have been in other organizations too, but I can’t quite remember the rest.
Mum travelled the world bold as brass but was happiest when she got back and quickly got back into her routine. She would make any length of journey enjoyable. She had her close batch of friends like aunty Birdie, the late aunty Sithy and aunty Rizzie, and aunty Fouz who were like gold to her. They would go to movies, they would visit each other, spend the day in each other’s homes, and it was always she who kept everyone entertained and at the same time gave solid advice when needed. When she moved in with me, in minutes she was friends with all the neighbours, and soon started teaching them to sew, knit and do patchwork! She just never sat still!
All of us siblings were amazed at how she picked up the pieces when dad left us, for until then, she was always his shadow supporting him all the way. She was the best daughter, sister, mother, sister–in law, grandmother, aunt and friend. She was the one who kept families together. She enjoyed dressing brides, sewing for them all at her own cost. She loved being with my dad’s relatives as much as she spent time with hers. Thufa was loved by all, because she gave without thinking and from the heart with zero hidden agendas.
However, the saddest part in her life was when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Until then, she had a slipped disc, a hysterectomy, and taught us all about the colds, coughs, and how to treat such illnesses. But she missed out on teaching us about this dreaded disease. She didn’t know. She loved going to doctors, as she had this flirtatious rapport with them. She also suffered from osteoporosis, and this disabled her more than the Alzheimer’s, the latter which she never realised she had. It was last year, when suddenly, everything about her started to collapse rapidly where she ended bedridden and totally helpless and at our mercy. Here was this one time strong independent woman now looking at us with such sadness in her eyes, it was hopeless. I didn’t realise that here too, she taught me another lesson, and that was to have an abundance of patience which all carers must have.
Mummy was so appreciative of anything I did for her and always had a sincere “thank you” which was never necessary anyway. She was a friend to all my friends too and had long chats when an opportunity arose. I can’t say how privileged I was to have been able to look after her right until God chose to take her away to a better place. All what I have said was evident, by the huge numbers of family members and friends who graced her final journey. They simply poured in in large numbers and from all walks of life. I was lucky in that I had my sister Fathima in Sri Lanka at the time of her demise which was a huge support in putting all the arrangements together. Recently, while mum’s younger sister Ayne, and a few of my cousins were having dinner, at home, all we could do was reminisce the past and in seconds we were in fits of laughter, because that’s what “Thufa” was all about. She brought life whenever she walked into a place. I don’t even want to think of what my neighbours must have thought that here after one day of grieving, everyone was shrieking with laughter.
My sister Munirah, brothers Nazrul, Arooz and Fatty – I am sure join me now as I pen these thoughts and could add chapters more on what she did for all of us, through difficult times or otherwise. She was indeed the greatest mother.
She is remembered as being vibrant and with a warm personality, unrivalled dress sense and stature. She was my biggest fan, as she was so very proud of me. All I can say now is that “Mum, you were the best. Thank you for being who you were to all of us.” We had the greatest relationship ever! In conclusion, I would like to thank those who sent me so many beautiful text messages, called from all over the world, for those who were with us on her final day, and suddenly I asked myself, “Ma, could I have done more for you?”
Yasmin Cader |
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