To live together or not to?

By Ruhanie Perera and Laila Nasry

Living together...hmm... outrageous or practical? The concept maybe new to most of us, but it's here all right and it seems here to stay. To some it makes sense that two people who love each other should be together, with or without the "piece of paper". To others the "piece of paper" is the foundation of the most sacred bond ever. To them to live together means to be married and is the ultimate point in a relationship. To live together or not to - that is the question. Here are the opinions of some young adults...

Tanya, (26):

If I was to live together I'll have to wait till my mom dies! I don't think our people are open enough to accept it. It's just not done. Parents would flip and you can imagine how tongues would wag. Living together would best suit those who have been studying or living abroad, because over there it's more or less the norm.

The best thing about living together is that you get to know the guy better -both physically and emotionally. You can find out whether he snores at night! Marriage is a bigger commitment, but living together is less of a hassle. There is less family involvement and if you want to go your separate ways you don't have to hire lawyers.

But living together has its negative aspects, like there is a certain amount of commitment and thus you can't see any other person. Most parents would probably disown you and people would brand you as "fast". Perhaps other guys would think twice about going out with you too. Over here I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, because our guys are the type who brag. If the relationship ends they will be talking about how they "had" the girl, etc. Yet, I think it's important to get to know the guy intimately, especially when you love him.

Natasha Perera, (24):

I think living together is just perfect. There are no commitments involved. Men like it because generally they aren't that committed. I feel the plus point is that romance will live on. Once married the romance dies down. Believe me I know - I have three sisters who are married.

The worst thing though is that he can do anything he wants because there is no strong commitment and he can leave you at any time. But I recommend living together, unreservedly. Nine out of ten marriages these days seem to be on the rocks. So I feel this would be an ideal way to get to know the person before marriage. However I wouldn't do it, not here in Sri Lanka, considering our culture and our people's ability to gossip.

Sue de Silva, (25):

I think living together depends on the individual. In western countries it would be fine but not here. Though it's the 21st century our people have not accepted it as yet. Since you are not committed legally while living together, if you find if you're incompatible then you can sort things out easily.

However in our country it is sort of an embarrassment. People will look down on you so I don't think I would do it. Not just because people would gossip but because I believe in marriage first. Marriage is not such a hassle so why not settle down. However, I believe it's up to the individual.

Dinal, (26):

I am not against the concept of living together, but I'm not really for it either. Living together does have its plus points. After all you don't really know your partner until you 'test the product'.. Living together gives you the opportunity to get to know the real person and that brings about a greater degree of understanding. That way couples won't have to get divorced because one partner didn't like the way the other partner squeezed the toothpaste out of the tube. (That's a true story.)

However in the context of our culture and our society living together is looked upon as the wrong thing to do. Your religion, the church tells you certain things and they are deep rooted within you and you learn that it's just not the done thing. As for the bad side - if it doesn't work out there is a lot of emotional strain (especially because when you live together you are involved physically). So when things don't work out it can be hard - especially for the girl. Also there is the added burden of social pressure. I personally wouldn't get into that situation and I wouldn't recommend it for anyone unless (depending on the person and the situation) it would benefit him/her.

Pradeep, (26):

I think living together is an excellent concept. I wouldn't mind doing it myself, but our society doesn't exactly approve, does it? And my parents would kill me. Not to mention the fact that all my relations would have a field day.

What's special about living with a person is the fact that you get to know them - from the things they eat, to their moods and even if they snore or not and I think knowing all those little things is what makes the difference. It could actually make a difference in the amount of divorce cases we have. I have some friends who do live together - but the funny thing is that they screwed up their lives before becoming immune to what people think. Still when my parents talk about them they tend to think on the lines of - "what is this, why won't they get married." That's just the way our society thinks. So even though I think living together is an acceptable way of life, I wouldn't do it or recommend it to anyone because of the way our society views it.

Imran, (23):

Living together is a pretty O.K concept. But it doesn't work here. If you take our culture, traditions and values into consideration, it's just not right. Although cohabitation is an accepted concept abroad, in a country that accepts the concept of "getting married and settling down" you could say this goes against the grain.

I personally think the concept is O.K to a certain extent . Mostly because you get to know a person and you get used to sharing everything - be it expenses or troubles- with someone else. I know all that's a part of marriage, but in a marriage when something goes wrong you end up divorced. I would consider living with someone - my dad would freak out but my mum would be cool about it.

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