27th February 2000

"Not out" in paradise isle

I thought I really must write to you after all these recent happenings in the Board that administers our favourite game. These events I thought, were more exciting than any of those one day internationals we recently played in Pakistan!

Anyway, I think Satellite should take part of the blame for all this because it was on her suggestion that you appointed this banker as an interim man. And we all thought he would be just a glorified "yes man" only to discover that he had both a backbone and a conscience. And it wasn't a surprise that you, didn't see eye to eye with him!

But Seeni Bola, I do sympathize with you. There you are, hitting all round the wicket like Jayasuriya in devastating form declaring that if you want you can even burn newspaper offices if you feel like it. It's just that you are benevolent enough to spare them out of mercy that flows so generously from your heart!

Then you call the banker and dictate terms to him, he doesn't agree and he resigns. You then bowl a real fast one and even appoint a successor, your own secretary! You call the media and then tell them that the bankers are promoting some people over others for the top job in the Board and that you, as the all powerful, omnipotent minister would have none of it!

And then what happens, Seeni Bola? Satellite calls you and asks you 'Monawada Seeni Bola oyaa me karanne?' She no balls you and queries the legality of your action like Darrel Hair did to Murali and orders you to apologize to the banker and take him back! And you, poor chap, you are stumped so cleverly that you have to and say "yes Ma'am".

It does seem so unfair Seeni Bola that the minister can't control the subjects under his purview and that the lady has to interfere in everything but under this 'bahubootha viyavasthaawa' that seems to be the trend, isn't it?

Anyway, the moral of the story, poor little Seeni Bola, is that you shouldn't interfere with elections to the Cricket Board even if you may possibly interfere with others elections! (No, I'm not saying you did that, just a little comparison, you know!). After all last year an actor and an uncle ran you out and this year a banker has made you look like a Silly Mid-off who has just dropped an easy catch!

Despite all that Seeni Bola, you must count yourself lucky. If, what recently happened occurred in any other country you would have had to resign by now. But then, that's why they call this Paradise Island, isn't it? And besides, if you were to resign who would be there to help Satellite by organizing the Samurdhi Niyaamakas for the next election?

Anyway, do accept our deepest sympathies for the plight you are in. But we know that you will emerge from all this relatively unharmed. After all, you have done better (or is it worse?) things and have been declared 'Not Out',thanks to the third umpire! Don't we all remember how you tried to bowl a maiden over and Susan ran all the way to America, breaking several records on the way?

Maybe you should visit the malayalam guru in India and get some advice about the 'apala kaaley' like you did for Satellite before the elections. Think about it, will you?

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS- You know, Seeni Bola, I think all these problems are because we attach too much importance to cricket and consider it to be our national game just because we became world champions four years ago.

How about banning cricket and declaring, Chak Gudu, Eta Bola or even Elle as our national sport?

The Jungle Telegraph

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