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• 

REJECTED

How would you feel?

By Ruhanie Perera and Laila Nasry

Everybody hates being rejected, be it at school, by your peers, at a job interview or even in a relationship. And nobody wants to talk about it. They are our little 'failures'. How do we take it when people tell us to get lost? - in a very nice way of course. Laughing about it does wonders...

Minoli (20) (name changed):

I think the worst experience of rejection is when you trust someone totally and then find out that the person has been backstabbing you. Especially since they use the stuff you told them in confidence against you. That's enough to put me off totally. I think you can forgive that sort of thing with time, but I don't think you can ever forget.

When I meet a guy I know whether he is my type or not. I don't want to hurt a person, but when I know he's not my type I'm very careful about the signals I send out. I think your body language says a lot about you, that's why I wouldn't do anything to encourage that person.

There have been guys who have persisted, even though I didn't encourage them. Then I just don't acknowledge the stuff they do. If it gets really bad I just tell them about the "other" person I'm seeing. It may be rude, but it just has got to be done.

Nilakshi (20) (name changed):

The day I had the worst 'rejection' was when I flunked both my piano and violin exams the same year. I felt like the biggest failure ever. I don't think I ever got over it 'cos it was two years ago and I haven't touched either instrument yet. I haven't even collected my result sheet yet. I used to be a great music fan - well not anymore.

As far as a relationship is concerned, if I had to tell a guy to buzz off I'd tell him that we just don't suit each other - that we are not compatible.

Initially most 'right' people are 'right' - 'cos they go all out to make a good impression. But after some time you figure out he is not 'right' anymore. For example if I thought that my guy acted as if I was there to please him and I get the message he wants me to do his bidding - I'll reject him.

I've rejected guys and felt bad about it. But I knew (especially in one particular case) that I'd have lost the friendship - so I had to reject the guy's advances. I didn't like what I had to do, but I did it to save something more precious. I'm comforted with the fact that my reasons were right.

Tashini (22)

I've experienced rejection, I've heard that famous line "maybe next time" in the field of music, when I've been denied performances unfairly due to internal politics. However, it doesn't take me long to get over it. I don't believe in wallowing in self-pity, instead I try to do something about it.

If I reject a guy it would be on my instincts. Of course, I wouldn't say it directly to his face but break it to him in a way where both his pride and his feelings won't be hurt. But if I'm involved with someone, then I would tell him directly, giving the obvious reason. I'd feel sorry for the person, I wouldn't want him to go through emotional turbulence. But when it comes to me I wouldn't feel bad unless it was a mistake.

Anita (22)

The worst would be if my friends rejected me. It's not like having a crush on somebody and being rejected. When you offer someone friendship you offer them yourself and being rejected then is awful. However, I think it's easier to cope with rejection when you know that there are people who would never reject you - like God. I'm not an extremely religious person but the thought helps.

My best line when rejecting someone is that "my father has a double barrel gun and he will come after you so back off", but the worst thing is that most don't buy it. So I've opted to paint my very lenient parents as extremely strict to curb those callers I don't want to talk to.

If I reject a guy it would be on the grounds of meanness, insensivity, back-stabbing ...oh, even body odour! ( On the last one I woudn't have to reject him because I won't get close to him in the first place.) I'd definitely feel bad about rejecting someone, it's never nice to be in that position.

Lakshan Mandawala (20)

I don't take time to get over rejection, I believe in countering it. I was relatively young when I started work and it was on those grounds that I was denied a transfer from the promotions division to the marketing field. But I didn't take 'no' for an answer, I pushed my way through and I got it in the end.

If it's rejection in an emotional sense then I think it would take around a year for me to get over it. However, it hasn't happened to me, because I'm the kind of proud person who doesn't approach someone unless I really like that person and know that the feeling is mutual.

Guys don't talk about rejection. Because they don't want to show what they really are, or what they are feeling.

Samuel (22)

"These things are meant to be," is a rejection line that you are supposed to bear with and be patient. But I'm a Christian and with God in my heart I get over it soon. It was this fact that helped me when I was told that I couldn't do marine engineering because I was overage.

In relationships, things are a little different because guys don't like to talk about it. I think it's because they are more sensitive than girls and need to keep up that macho image.

Anjula (22) (name changed)

I don't think that I've had a bad 'rejection' experience. I mean I've never felt as if the world were about to end - well not yet anyway. Different people deal with rejection in different ways. Just like gathering up one's courage to ask a girl out, it depends on the person. For me it would take about a couple of days to a week.

I think guys find it harder to talk about rejection than girls. I don't think we express ourselves well anyway. Talking about rejection would mean admitting that you haven't 'made it' - then we either express ourselves very badly or don't express ourselves at all. Some of us try to see the funny side, because adding a little humour never hurts.

If I had to turn a girl down I would tell her that I don't think it will work out, hoping she would understand that some things were just not meant to be. I think girls beat around the bush more - they sort of use euphemisms and never get to the point.

Rajive (name changed):

I've never been rejected - well I've not had a really bad experience. Most of the stuff I can handle. And I don't think it takes too long to get over rejection. But that all depends on the person. If you are one of those sensitive people, you would probably take ages. But if you are a person who takes things in your stride (like me), it doesn't take too long.

I don't think there's a lot of guts involved when you want to ask a girl out. If you want to ask a girl out you go ahead and do it. If the girl isn't interested she'll tell you so. If I wanted to turn a girl down, I'd just tell her that. Of course, if it's someone I do care about I'd let her down gently, 'cos I wouldn't want to lose her friendship.

Guys don't talk about rejection, they laugh about it. Unlike girls who mope around, we see the funny side of it. Okay maybe we don't 'deal' with it, but we certainly have a lot of fun.

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