• Chastity or casual sex?
• Sumathy's struggle to turn woman victim into victor
• Traditional life buried under development - Book Review
• Great and gentle souls -  A Taste of Sinhala (24) 
• 'Jubal' remembered with 'Madhura Javanika' - Kala CorKorner by Dee Cee
• Glories of Egypt's past
• Artist with a social mission
• Eco tourism and cultural survival of money 
• The Amazonian river monster
• A spectacle that cannot be described
• Headmaster takes up task of reforming society - Down Memory Lane
• Enchanting sounds and sights that linger
• With love, from Sri Lanka
• Healing hands for torture victims
• Letters to the editor

Chastity or casual sex?

By Chamintha Thilakarathna

At the FPA, she insisted on finding out if her little girl Neesha had injured her hymen and possibly lost her virginity. Despite a doctor's assurances, Ranjani was determined to get written certification that 'the accident did not rupture her hymen. She remains a virgin', to be produced on Neesha's wedding day.

To many this may sound like an incident taken from an ancient book, with virginity a medieval concept. But it is not so. 

Today just like years ago, many people strongly believe in chastity and virginity.

However while debates continue on the validity and fairness of traditional virginity tests, young people seem to have let down their hair. Believe it or not, a considerable number in the 15-29 age group are sexually active.

For Saumi (19) from Wattala, her first sexual experience was an attempt to prove her love and purity to her six-month boyfriend, on his request. Ever since, Saumi has engaged in pre-marital sex and not kept track of the number.

"When he left me one month after our first involvement, on the grounds that I was no longer pure, I realised my mistake. By that time, it was too late," she said with regret. 

According to FPA's Chief Medical Officer Sriyani Basnayake, this is the commonest reason young people give for engaging in pre-marital sex (PMS). 

"The girls who come to meet me say that the boy pressures them into having sex by saying that 'if she loves him she would' but what I tell them is that 'if he loved her, he wouldn't'," Dr. Basnayake said.

For Amal (25) on the threshold of marriage, the experience came in a different manner. "I met a woman, while travelling in a bus, from classes as a student. Her story was that her husband was no longer interested in her so she had to find other means of fulfilling her desires." The sense of curiosity, experimentation and desire, he says, led him to take that chance three years ago.

These are not isolated incidents. Numerous teenagers face these situations day-in-day-out. On the other hand, there are others who engage in casual sex as a trend, fashion or even habit.

Some teenagers say they have found themselves in situations where they are left with no option. "After clubbing and dancing into the early hours, everyone gets into pairs and vanishes, even if it is someone whom you've met for the first time," said Gayani (21). They feel they need to conform to it if they want to belong to that society. 

Whatever the reason, the fact is that young single adults and teenagers engage in casual sex and statistics tell a story that none wants to believe. Since 1986, there has been a 10% increase in the number of young adults who approve of pre-marital sex, a survey conducted by the FPA has found.

Officials believe that the number of single adults who engage in PMS is proportionate to the number who approve of it.

In a similar survey conducted recently, a total of 10% of the cross-section interviewed by the FPA approved of PMS even if the couples were not in love. In other words, 10% approved of casual sex with no strings attached. Urban males approved of casual sex under any circumstance.

A total of 47% men and women approved of sexual relations if the couples were in love. Similarly, 44% approved of PMS for engaged couples.

In our society, especially in rural areas, a couple whose marriage has been registered, are usually not allowed to go out alone, unchaperoned. They are not supposed to have sexual intercourse until the wedding ceremony has taken place, for customs connected with proving the bride's virginity have to be kept at that time. 

Yet, surprisingly, nearly 70% of the men and 41% of the women condoned PMS for registered couples not living together, despite the serious consequences of failing the so- called 'virginity test'.

According to a survey, 41.6% of a sample of unmarried couples said 'yes' and another 33% refused to answer the question whether they have had sexual contact with the opposite sex. When asked if they have had sexual intercourse with the opposite sex 18% said 'yes' and 1.3% refused to answer. 

"One fourth of the urban sample (42.6% of men and 6.3% of women) gave a history of pre-marital sex as compared to 16% of the rural group (28.5% of men and 3.9% of women)," Dr. Basanayake said.

Another 14.1% admitted to having homosexual experiences with a further 2.5% refraining from answering.

In Dr. Basnayake's 26 years of experience as a counsellor, she is certain that the only direction the numbers seem to be going is upwards. "There is no difference whether we are talking of rural or urban groups, the increase is still proportionately the same," she said.

Often, the question of virginity arises only at the point of marriage, especially for young people. 

The reasons cited for this phenomenon are that morals and values have changed over the years. "Young adults both male and female have a lot of freedom nowadays. However, they don't seem to have the education to look after themselves. Finally when it comes to marriage, men usually have double standards. They only look for virgins. In fact, many couples arrive at the FPA to verify the 'virginity factor' before marriage," she says.

Despite all this, 98% of adults and teenagers in the age group 16-30 whom The Sunday Times spoke to approved of pre-marital sex on mutual consent. 

"I don't see why people make such a big issue of it. There is nothing wrong in engaging in PMS. Besides, nowadays the hymen can be surgically re-fixed. This dismisses the accuracy and validity of traditional virginity tests anyway," says 24-year-old Tania who got married recently. 

Some argue that PMS has always existed, only that it has become a more debated issue getting more prominence than it deserves.

Others feel that sexual intercourse is a biological need similar to hunger and thirst and therefore, satisfying this need should not be restricted by a social concept called 'marriage'.

"What matters is trust. Just because one engages in PMS does not mean anything. After all, 80% of boys indulge in PMS. Then why restrict girls?" asked 30-year-old Saman from Kandy.

Sanjeewa (29) says he does not approve of PMS because it is not worth taking the risk of pregnancy. "I think one should wait till marriage. To lose one's virginity before you get married is against norms," he said. 

"If both parties agree then I don't see anything wrong in PMS. It is their choice," Mario (19) said.

Seventeen-year-old Aneeshka said that although dignity and self respect were important, depending on the nature of the relationship, if a couple could handle it in a mature fashion others should not make a fuss about it.

Despite such alarming findings, societal views on the importance of bleeding on the wedding night to prove a woman's virginity have not changed. In fact, the expectations and misunderstandings remain as in the past few decades.

"It is unbelievable how many men in Colombo, known as the fast-pace capital, insist on marrying virgins. Sometimes, couples arrive directly from their honeymoon when they are not pleased," Dr. Basnayake said. 

These single adults are not satisfactorily equipped with a knowledge of contraceptives and sexually transmitted diseases, she pointed out.

The misconceptions have led to psychological trauma and injustice. According to FPA officials, not all virgins bleed on the wedding night. An average of 22-25% of women don't bleed when they have sexual intercourse for the first time. This is not an indication of a woman's purity or non-purity. In some cases, while a virgin may not bleed, a non-virgin may. 

"It all depends on each individual's physiology and lifestyle. Psychological conditions also have an effect," she said.

However, these views are not accepted by parents. Many parents feel that for a boy or girl, 'virginity' is a must. 

Priyanthi who has three adult daughters feels that being a virgin till marriage is important under any circumstances. 

"It maybe the 21st century but I would still look for virgins for my two sons," said Vinitha (45) from Colombo. This was the general view of all parents who spoke to The Sunday Times. 

The conflict is obvious. While parents are great believers in virginity single adults feel otherwise. Facts reveal that PMS among those between 16-30 is on the rise, but young adults see no reason to fear the escalating statistics. (Names have been changed to protect identities)

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