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A little question of age

By Laila Nasry and Ruhanie Perera 

However how many of us have given thought to age and where that fits into the criterion we require from our lifelong partner. Has it always got to be that the guy should be older and the girl a perfect four to five years younger. Is it that society has set standards which we must comply with even if it's against our will, or can it be possible in this changing day and age for conventionality to be outweighed by compatibility and - for people to have their way?

"Age doesn't really matter to me," says Nalaka. "As long as she is fun to be with and doesn't drive me nuts it's o.k." Tradition has no place when it comes to relationships and he is totally unaffected about what people would have to say if he was to go out with an older person. "People talk anyway when you start going out with someone be it older or younger so there is no difference and no stopping them." Nalaka doesn't see problems emerging just because of age. "That's all nonsense. If problems do crop up those are ones that are common to all relationships. It's when you are younger that you think 'geez she's older to me', but as you grow older little things like that cease to matter" 

On the other hand Tamara needs someone who is two or three years older than her, believing that guys mature at a slower pace and it is someone older who will be able to keep up to her wavelength. Though she personally prefers someone older she feels it depends on the individual. "Sometimes you meet someone who seems like Mr. Right but find out later that he is younger, then the age factor becomes irrelevant because he is no less a Mr. Right." However Tamara reiterates that it's not often that you meet those closest to ones age who are mature, stable and sure of life, "unless they've been in circumstances that demanded they be a man at an early age. Otherwise it's a case of being saddled with an immature adult."

"Whoever I go out with has to be older than me," says a determined Ishani. She feels that her partner should be at least two years older than her. Her reasoning being that, "guys take longer to mature than girls". 

"Older guys have passed that stage of indecision and are more settled. They know what they want and that has a bearing on their attitude to life." To her, the age factor is closely linked with the maturity of the guy. "I think it's important that a girl needs someone she can look up to and respect - and that's definitely an older guy." 

According to 19-year-old Thushan, "age matters more to a girl than it does to a guy. Girls tend to want someone older, but guys don't really care much as long as the age gap isn't too big either way."

According to him there are quite a few guys who like to go out with older women. To them it's sort of a challenge.

Thushan would rather go out with someone younger. "I think the traditional ideology that works within many of us has go a lot to do with that decision." 

"The concept of the guy being older, I think springs from a 'male domination' complex. If a guy is older he is therefore more mature and more in control. Unlike in a situation where the girl is the experienced one, that's likely to bring on an inferiority complex in a guy!" 

However this may not always be the case. "When it comes to bed age is of no importance whatsoever," says Maria whose husband is two years younger. For Maria and Gihan the age old adage that age is no barrier rings true. A two year gap has posed absolutely no problems. "Leave alone affecting us it doesn't even register," she says with a laugh. 

Having grown up together they both share mutual friends and common interests. In their relationship, compatibility is the key and there's no room for age related problems. In most instances people don't even know that there is such an age gap between them until they reveal their ages. It holds no relevance at all and they have no problem telling others their ages. "Maybe it's because Gihan is taller, mature and very serious. On the other hand it could even be that it's not a gap after all," says Maria. 

Sometimes big age gaps can bring on quite a few gasps. 25-year-old Chanaka is almost 8 years older than his girlfriend. How did his peers react to the situation? "I was labelled a 'cradle snatcher' at first, but everyone got used to the idea after some time." He says that the age factor comes into play depending on the situation. "Sometimes we are totally oblivious to the age gap and at other times it is painfully obvious."

"We are perfectly compatible in every way possible, sharing similar ideas and values. More importantly she is a person I can laugh with and she gives me space when I need to breathe."

Of course there are the trying times. Because they come from totally different worlds; she being still in school and he having ventured into the 'real' world'. "She goes for all her school functions and much as I would like to be there, I can't. And when I go out clubbing she can't make it because she has a long time more to go for all that."

Yet Chanaka is optimistic. - "Love was never something that was all easy. And this is just a little thing that we have to work out. Actually it might work itself out as time goes on. We understand each other and try to adjust accordingly. Knowing that we can't change the other person has helped our relationship to grow. We just take things one step at a time, one day at a time."

So it all boils down to 'what's in a number?' Be it a yawning gap of ten years and more or a difference of a few months either way, one thing's for sure. What adds up to real happiness doesn't seem to come from age.

Names have been changed

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