3rd December 2000

Little arithmetic can do wonders

I thought of writing to you after a long time, Satellite because there are so many complaints these days against your government but you seem to be absent from the public eye ever since you moved house and went off to that 'mandiraya'in Fort.

Of course Satellite, the biggest complaint is about rising prices. Just when everyone thought they were safe from any more price hikes because there would be no budget this year, you have announced price increases in diesel, kerosene and gas. We do know it's not at all your fault, Satellite, because world market prices are increasing and what else can you do?

After this, bus operators are clamouring for an increase in bus fares and I'm afraid that will be the first thing that poor chap Dinesh will have to authorise as a minister. And now, on top of all that, we have been told that bread will cost a rupee more- again because world market prices of wheat flour have gone up and what else can you do except pass the buck?

You know, one reason I want to write to you is to tell you that there is something you can indeed do- at least about bread. Someone once calculated that your extra-large cabinet of forty-four ministers would cost the country some 3000 million rupees a year. Now, Satellite, all you need to do is a little arithmetic to arrive at the solution.

Sri Lanka, they say has a population of 19 million people or about five million families. So, if you ask your cabinet to work for free- and I'm sure those patriotic people would do that, though I'm not sure about one man, Rauf- you save 3000 million rupees a year to be given to five million families: about 600 rupees per family every year.

Now, Satellite all you have to do is to give that money to each family. Even if each family eats one and a half loaves of bread everyday throughout the year at the new price, a little multiplication will tell you that it will cost only about five and hundred and fifty rupees extra and the six hundred rupees you give them from the ministers' wages will be more than enough to cover that!

Then, Satellite, talking about ministers we find young Mangala making waves wherever he goes. You gave him urban development just to keep him quiet and look at what he does- he breaks up all the shops in the pavement in Fowzie's electorate! The shops are illegal and all that but Satellite don't allow these folks to get to know that you are building a brand new place for yourself and another mansion for Mallo the Speaker both by the Diyawanna while Mangala is busy, running around with his bulldozers! Not good for 'es waha', you know!

Then, Satellite, we were also told on Thursday that the General and the Professor were sworn in as deputies for Defence and Finance respectively. Of course that raises the question as to what took you so long if you were going to dish out the same old appointments? Or is it that you searched in vain among the brilliant politicians who you are surrounded with for a replacement but at last came to the conclusion that the known you-know- who is better then the unknown? Of course, if you had only asked me I would have advised you to switch the deputies- the General for Finance and the Professor for Defence- and then either wouldn't then know what he is doing and you could be in total control!

Anyway, Satellite, you will now have to prepare some answer to Velu because he says he is so keen to talk to you, even unconditionally. Those other things he wants- like withdrawing troops and stopping operations- are apparently not conditions, or so he says. So, be careful Satellite, because the chap reminds me of an old nursery rhyme: 'come in to my parlour, said the spider to the fly!'.

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha.

PS- Seeing that picture of you with the good old 'maha rejina' reminded me how well-preserved she is for her seventy plus years, not to mention you too for your fifty plus. So, what did the Queen tell you Satellite? "If they don't have bread, let them eat cake." ?

The Jungle Telegraph

Editorial/ Opinion Contents