Talking peace only after the ban goes

My Dear Velu,

I thought of writing to you because these days everyone seems to be writing to you even though you don't seem to be bothered about replying all this mail that you are receiving.

Anyway, Velu, congratulations on being able to convince all concerned yet again that you are interested in peace talks. Why, they have now been bitten three times and they are yet not shy!

Even then, Velu, I was surprised to hear that you may even be interested in a ceasefire for one year. That seems a long period by your standards, isn't it? What you usually do is call off the talks on some excuse or other after a few months isn't it? So, why this long term talks now, Velu?

Of course, even though we have agreed to talk to you virtually on your terms, others have been more cautious. That is why India says it will have nothing to do with it than issuing an occasional statement saying it supported "a fair and peaceful solution". After all, you had their Prime Minister killed because he forced you to sign the Accord, remember?

Velu, whatever your intentions, don't let those poor Norwegians down. They don't seem to have anything else to do, so they want to negotiate in our problems. All well and good, of course, but Solheim and company don't look like Nobel prize winning material, do they? Besides, if you take them for a ride again, it would look bad on their CVs, wouldn't it?

Then Velu, what is this story we hear that you want your ban lifted if you were to really talk peace? Gosh, that poor fellow Kadi bent over backwards trying to convince England and America that you were terrorists and now you want all that undone? But who knows, they might even do that just so that they can get you for the talks, pose with you for the cameras and maybe even get your autograph!

But you must be careful in what you do, Velu. The word terrorist is a bad word now after what that fellow Bin Laden did. You will have to get your occupation in your passport changed because they no longer accept the word Freedom Fighter and Uncle Sam will crush anything which is called a terrorist. So, don't send planes crashing in to the Janadhipathi Mandiraya or even Temple Trees for that matter!

But I'm sure you realize that you don't need to resort to such tactics now. There are no road blocks and your 'boys' are free to come and plan all their attacks on Colombo. We are almost sure that they are doing so, but then, road blocks and check points are more of a nuisance than an occasional bomb blast, isn't it?

But Velu, think again before dealing with the Green Man. He has seen it all over the last twenty five years and many believe that he has something up his sleeve. Keep that in mind, will you?

Yours truly, Punchi Putha

PS-There is a joke (yes, only a joke!) that they might even give you Eelam. If that happens, it will be a real anti-climax, won't it? After all, you will be equivalent to a good-for-nothing Chief Minister and no one will talk about you anymore!