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Modern
ways to leave your lover
The Hello,
I must be going way
Mr. Sensitivity Phil Collins faxed his wife of 10 years, Jill,
to inform her he was giving her the boot and that he was faxing
because he needed to save his voice for a show. "You're slowly
making me hate you," wrote the balding balladeer, adding: "I
don't know if I'm good at relationships". Or music for that
matter.
The "I'll
do anything, just let me go" way
Noel Gallagher confessed to lying in his divorce petition so
he could be rid of Meg Mathews. He admitted to adultery just to
speed up proceedings. "I was faithful," he said. "I
left because I could no longer tolerate her behaviour".
The good,
the bad and the ugly way
Clint Eastwood ended his relationship with Sondra Locke in
true Dirty Harry style. In 1989, Eastwood's lawyers wrote to Locke
while she was away filming, saying the locks had been changed on
the house they'd shared for 11 years and that her possessions would
be placed in storage. Multi-million dollar lawsuits followed, but
Clint had got his way.
The chat
show way
When Minnie Driver settled down to watch boyfriend Matt Damon
on Oprah, she must have felt a warm glow as he spoke at length about
his love for a beautiful young actress. Trouble was, he was talking
about Winona Ryder. Ouch.
The chicken's
way
With a chin like a builder's and no neck, you'd think the women
would be the ones binning Will Carling. But in 1998, he decided
to dump Ali Cockayne - the mother of his 11-month-old son - by writing
a press release littered with clichés about this "sad
and painful time" and leaving it on his computer screen for
Ali to stumble across. Classy guy.
The kids'
way
Before she was Mrs. Evans, Billie Piper dated Ritchie Neville,
the strangely tanned one from Five. When the pop duo's young love
burned out, thrifty Ms. Piper ended it all with a text message.
Short and sweet.
The "you're
scaring me" way
When Robbie Williams and Geri Halliwell got it on in 2000 they
seemed like the dream showbiz couple, but soon Geri's behaviour
became a nightmare. "She turned into a demonic little girl
playing with dolls and a tea set," Robbie said after chucking
her. "She was genuinely scaring me."
The "now
you see me..." way
Julia Roberts did her trademark vanishing act and sacked Ben
Bratt just days after calling him the love of her life. But then,
the Pretty Woman had done exactly the same to Kiefer Sutherland
and Lyle Lovett.
The "happy
holidays" way
Ever the ginger gent, former Foreign Secretary Robin Cook chose
the perfect time to tell wife Margaret he was leaving her for his
PA... when the two of them were at the airport en route to a foreign
holiday.
The luvvie
way
She was the rising star... and he wasn't. But while Kate Winslet's
method of worming out of her marriage to Jim Threapleton was mean
in the extreme, it was nevertheless successful. First, the Titanic
star asked Jim for a trial separation, which he agreed to, presumably
because at least it offered some hope of a reconciliation. Then,
as soon as they'd parted, Kate's lawyers served poor Jim with divorce
papers. She's now an item with luvvie Sam Mendes.
The tabloid
way
Just because you've done your bit for charity, you're not excluded
from heartache.
As Sir Bob
Geldof discovered one dark morning when he opened the tabloids and
saw wife Paula Yates draped all over Michael Hutchence. Unsurprisingly,
they split soon after.
The swap
shop way
When Darren Day chucked Anna Friel, he trawled out the usual
"it's not you, it's me" nonsense... then went straight
to the press to tell them of his engagement to Tracy Shaw. Smooth.
The egg
in yer face way
When Kimberly
Mathers - Mrs. Eminem - grew tired of hubby's antics, she let him
know it was over in trashy fashion. Her method? Kiss a random guy
outside a club in full view of the other half, until he loses it,
pistol whips the other bloke and gets arrested.
The "didn't
I mention the open relationship?" way
Liz Hurley and millionaire Steve Bing seemed like the real
deal - especially when she said she was expecting his baby. But
as his ardour cooled, he began insisting they were never in an "exclusive
relationship" and demanded that Hurley prove the baby was his.
No wonder he's been called Bing Laden.
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