United Nations and getting a leg-up in the lecture circuit
Forget it. United Nations is for uniting nations. It is about unity between the nations, not unity within one nation. It is about bringing Kim Jong Il and George Bush together -- or bringing Vajpayee and Musharaff together. It is not about bringing Kumaratunga and Wickremesinghe together. That's strictly an internal affair - something exceedingly sweet, and a little private too. Like having His and Hers monogrammed towels at Temple Trees and President's House.

Strictly on aesthetic terms they will settle for Kuamaratunga. That's a highly politically incorrect thing to say -- but then, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Or girl. Sri Lanka is at least the most gender correct nation. Kofi Annan be damned. Sri Lanka -- the land of the first woman Prime Minister -- will get a special UN commendation for political correctness.

Our boys and girls both address the UN forum. Before any umbrage is taken against me for making light of the nation's leaders and referring to them as if they were juveniles - tell them both to let go of that microphone. Come inside and play now, its getting dark you two.

This is also the first acknowledgement after the Americans that the UN is becoming important. No, the United Nations is not an irrelevant club which was set-up before nations got civilized and declared war on terror.

It is an important place where Heads of State and Prime Ministers from the same country want to put their heads together. It is called cohabitation in New York. Says my old friend, this whole UN brouhaha has shades of an old Charles Boyer film. The defining line in that movie they say was: "Heidi, will you come with me to the Casbah?" (The impish Mervyn de Silva corrupted it in one if his tongue in cheek reviews to say - "vareng api Kesbewata yamuda?'') So, what will Ranil say: "Chandrika, will you come with me to the UN?''

Next year we might have our own Secretary General there also. If Tyronne Fernando gets there, there is bound to be no Sri Lankan cohabitation problem within the UN as he will do all the talking. As these things are said in Sri Lanka ''actually'' this is all a Sri Lankan trick to get their man elected to the UN hot seat next year. Ask Chandrika Kumaratunga. Any publicity is good publicity. Actually.

Anyway, this is unkind what they say about Tyronne Fernando. They say he is not quite the Foreign Minister and that somebody else is doubling for that job -- while he has set his sights on the UN seat. That's all tosh. He is the ultimate Foreign Minister. He is so foreign that he is foreign to the Foreign Ministry. So stop bad mouthing him will you, you guys who get lippy about everything?

A lot of water has gone under the bridge since Chandrika Kumaratunga first addressed the UN sessions and spoke to Bill Clinton in the General Assembly foyer. Both were newly arrived then and youthfully glamorous. Now, Clinton has finished his two terms, and Kumaratunga is going down that road very soon.

They all have their entrances and their exits -- but Clinton doesn't have the fighting spirit. He went meekly, and now he goes on the lecture circuit for money. That's called living off the fat of the land -- not done, like some feudal layabouts. Much rather do the real thing and address the UN even if you have to pay them for it….

Besides, in this country everybody is running. Tyrone is running. Chandrika is running. Ranil is running. So don't expect any withdrawal symptoms from anyone just yet. Retarded growth my foot? This nation is getting nowhere very fast…

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