5th Column

Dear Voter, you have a heavy cross to bear
My Dear Voter,
I thought I must write to you as you prepare for what everyone calls a very crucial election although I do feel sorry for you as you have been put through this ordeal not once or twice but thrice in the past five years.

By now, you would have been bombarded with messages from our very able, honest and patriotic politicians who have guided our country to this present state of affairs and I wouldn't blame you if you felt you had a difficult choice on your hands. After all, it is because our country is in such good hands that we are faced with this situation today!

I know many people don't like the idea of such frequent elections and some even blame Satellite for calling for polls. But I think we ought to look at the positive aspects of this exercise.

Firstly, we have the Reds who were at our doorstep delivering 'chits' and ordering us to switch off lights after dark and killed anyone who dared defy them now back again at our doorstep, only this time around they are asking for our manaape! If that is not progress, dear voter, what is?

Of course, there is this little question as to whether the Reds ordered the killing of Vijaya and Satellite herself doesn't seem to be bothered by that, so why should we? And now we are being told that it is the Greens who did it and at this rate I am not surprised if they tell us next that the Greens bombed the Dalada Maligawa or that President Premadasa committed suicide just to become popular!

Then, my dear voter, on the other side of the Mahaveli we have Tigers who not so long ago were training to become suicide bombers now queuing up for nominations for the Sri Lankan parliament. Someone tells me that amounts to giving up their claim for a separate state but even if it is not, they are now falling over each other to assure us that they will not violate the ceasefire although they can't guarantee a ceasefire between Prabha and Karuna now!

So, dear voter, spare a thought for these poor politicians. They spend all their hard-earned millions on campaigns and hope to be elected for six years, so that they can recover their 'investment' through the various means available to them. And before they could say 'contract' or 'commission,' their Parliament is dissolved and they have to go through it all over again…

That is the reason, dear voter, that you should now think long and hard before marking that all-important cross on the ballot paper. The time has now come to offer our long suffering politicians some job security. So whoever you vote for, make sure they last for six years and that should make your task easy-all you have to do is to ask yourself whether you prefer to have six more years of Satellite in charge with the Reds clinging to her saree pota or whether you want the Greens to take full control...

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS- And don't forget that whatever choice you make, Satellite will be there for another year at least. For the lady knows that too much democracy, like a little learning, can be a dangerous thing!

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