5th Column

Nightclub brawl: surely not Mervyn but his look-alike
My Dear Mervyn,
I thought I must write to you when I heard that there has been an incident at a nightclub in Colombo where it was alleged that you went there with some thugs and created havoc-all because your son was allegedly refused entry on the previous day.

Initially I thought this must be some kind of genetic trait that sons of all politicians, be they blue or green, have. If I remember correctly, the General's son had a fight at a club during the previous regime and then Mahinda W's and Seeni Bola's sons went on the rampage when the greens were in office. And just when we thought it was safe to go to a club again, you turn up!

But then, Mervyn, you have protested your innocence and said that you were never there and that you were in the Ministry all day that day and that made me think really hard because it becomes an even more serious matter.

It is quite possible that there is some person who looks just like you who goes about doing these things, just so that you become unpopular and maybe he is hired by the greens or even the reds who are surely envious of your rising popularity…

After all, who would have expected Satellite to give you the job of a deputy minister when you were so soundly beaten at the last election just over seven months ago and you managed to creep into Parliament only because of the National List?

And that reminds me of something else too- all those posters in and around Colombo hailing you as a 'kata ethi puthek'. I am sure there were more than two thousand posters even though you got only about two thousand 'manaapes' at the polls. And that makes me think whether this person who looks like you went about putting up these posters just to ridicule you and make you look like a man who was insanely blowing his own trumpet.

And Mervyn, did you know that from time to time we hear a very stupid remark attributed to you? It is quite possible that your look-a-like utters these statements, so that you would appear rather dim-witted in the eyes of the public. These are the dirty tricks of modern day politics, you know!

But Mervyn, what interested me most was your statement that you were in your ministry all day, that day. I think we do not sufficiently appreciate what sacrifices you ministers make. After all, if you were at work at the Ministry at that time of the night-and this probably happens every day- you deserve special recognition. And who knows, looking at what you have achieved recently as a Deputy Minister in such a short time Satellite may even reward you with a Cabinet portfolio in the near future!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha.
PS- I think you should try and catch this Mervyn look-alike who goes about wrecking nightclubs and that is not to apprehend him and put him behind bars either. I think Satellite would dearly like to send him to JVP headquarters to see what he can do there…

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