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The wax nativity of our time
TIMES POSTCARD
By Rajpal Abeynayake
Somebody pushed over the David Beckham and Posh Spice waxworks at Madam Tussaud’s in London when these waxworks were launched, depicting the biblical Joseph and the Virgin Mary. The curator of the waxwork museum was outraged. She said, “they were both pushed over but the baby Jesus was safe.’’

If of course it was the baby Jesus that was indeed damaged and not Posh Spice or Beckham, then the curator was planning to be triumphant. They have found this text among her press releases which was to be used in the eventuality that only the baby Jesus was mangled. The press release was to read: “The baby Jesus was damaged in an attack today--- but we are proud to proclaim that the main attack aimed at Posh spice and David Beckam was thwarted.’’ At which point she was to smile triumphantly and say “this shows that the most devilish and vile plans to damage the spirit of this holy season cannot be thwarted.’’ Her staff was to then to sound a softly uttered “Amen.’’

But now it is learnt by this columnist that the real outrage in Britain is that Posh Spice had been portrayed as the virgin in this waxwork. Biblical renderings apart, the vast majority of Beckam fans -- which means almost everybody in England except a few diehard cricket fans in Central London -- feel that this waxwork is totally repugnant. It portrays Posh as a virgin. By implication therefore it portrays their man, Bechkam, as being, well, you know, incapable. In need of Viagra and what not. This to the vast majority of the British population is worse, much worse, than blasphemy of course. It is the end of the world.

After all is said and done nobody could have had much against the Tussaud’s in Britain for depicting Beckam and Spice in a nativity scene, say the Tussaud’s people. In the end the waxworks are sort of replacing the fantasy with the reality. The reality in Britain -- and in Sri Lanka --- is that Christmas is a bright means of making you part with most of your hard earned bucks, year-end bonus and all.

In this pursuit, Tussaud’s was only recognising that Beckham had more power at Christmas than Baby Jesus --- incidentally, that is why He is endorsing Adidas today and not John the Baptist….(The Tussaud’s motto is sort of like “do not forget the true meaning of Christmas – the birth of Santa.’’)

They are also extending a hand of solidarity to the Buddhists worldwide. How do the Buddhists come into this issue, one may as well ask? Well, maybe the Tussaud’s people thought, after having the Buddha on slippers and on bikini bottoms, this is the least they can do for feelings of hurt Buddhists all over the globe A sort of “after all we are all in his together no?’’ sentiment.

To this end Madam Tussaud’s next work will have to be S.B. Disanaayke nailed to the cross. Tussaud’s will want to give this nativity spirit over to some of the developing countries for even-handedness. Secretly sympathising with S. B. below the cross and depicting Mary Magdalene in this sculpture will be -- surprise choice - - a chap by the name of Mangala Samaraweera.

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