5th Column

Satellite surveying the ground situation
My Dear Satellite,
I thought I must write to you when I heard you had issued a statement saying you will hold presidential elections at the proper time. This was, of course, after your now legendary remarks at Hambantota, where you said there was no need for elections for five more years!

Not that we ever doubted your commitment to democracy, Satellite. Who could forget that you once gazetted a referendum and then called it off at the eleventh hour? And you promised the rathu sahodarayas that you will abolish the executive presidency in six months and it has been a very long six months indeed. And who else but you could have dissolved the Green government before you could say 'S.B.'!

But you must admit, Satellite, that all this fuss about the tsunami is wrecking your plans to stay on. With so many people affected, no one even talks about elections and you have even had to share the same platform with the Green Man and be polite to him too!

We know you had this grand plan to amend the constitution and stay on as Pee Em instead of passing the reins to Mahinda but all that has now got to be put on hold because of some disaster that had to strike at the most crucial hour.

But being the clever politician that you are, Satellite, we are sure you will work out a way out of this mess and stay on. Some people even say that the remarks at Hambantota were just a way of testing the public mood and it seems that the people at large want a presidential election, tsunami or not!

What is interesting though, Satellite is that tsunami also gives a jolly good excuse to cover lapses and with foreign aid pouring in like a tidal wave, you've got a very good chance of looking good at the end of your term of office.

For instance, have you heard of anyone complain about the cost of living since December 26? Has anyone dared to talk about S.B.'s release? And even Velu has all but forgotten his demand for a self-governing authority for the time being, hasn't he?

So, everyone seems happy in this post-tsunami phase - everyone except the rathu sahodarayas. Satellite, I really think you should buy over a few green chaps and get rid of these Lalkanthas and Weerawansas who think they are god's gift to politics. Once bought over, the Greens are so docile and easy to work with, unlike these revolutionary ruffians; just look at Sarath and Rohitha!

But I am sure you plan to win over not only quite a few greens but a few others as well. But just make sure that Thonda gets what he wants, or else your majority might suddenly disappear and you may be left fighting for survival once again. But you being the great charmer that you are, we are sure you can ride this storm and come out on top!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS- Everyone seems to have missed the fact you promised to hold elections 'on the due date'. Once you threatened not to hold elections for another five years, they seem quite content to have the elections in 2006, forgetting that they are in fact due in 2005! You get full marks for that trick, Satellite!

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