On fire...

The well-known theatre company Stagefright&Panic Inc. came under severe criticism for their planned production of Uh-Merry-Kar! A compleat unabrijed account of the histry of the greatest nation on Urrth!

In a statement issued to the press, the American School for the Study of Historical Occurrences Leading to Edification, which is the premier institute for the sanctification and glorification of historical events, said that Stagefright&Panic Inc. were a bunch of very naughty fellows. This is a transcript of the full press statement:

“We, the American School for the Study of Historical Occurrences Leading to Edification (A.S.S.H.O.L.E.) have reliably learned from reliable sources that the notorious theatre company calling themselves Stagefright&Panic Inc. are planning to stage a play. We would like to make a clarion call to all right-thinking citizens of the world to boycott this event, since we do not appreciate anyone laughing at us! Further, we are made to understand that the members of the cast are not scholars of American histry, and that there are many factual errors in the play, which are causing much heartache and heartburn.

The fact that George Washington had a group of Minute Men under his command is not something to be made fun of, and we certainly see nothing funny about the Bill of Rights. The Stagefright&Panic cast also alludes that the founding fathers of the American Nation also came up with a companion piece to the Bill of Rights called the Bill of Wrongs! We would like to request the cast of Uh-Merry-Kar to produce this document, since we seem to have lost our copy of that particular document. We would remind the cast M/s Anuruddha (a.k.a. fat mama), Michael (a.k.a. Mikey) and Feroze (a.k.a. Nana) that American histry is not something to be laughed at.

Our agents have been tailing these actors for some time, and our sophisticated electronic surveillance systems have enabled us to glean lots of information about these notorious so-called thespians, which we will share with you for easy identification. The three of them constantly hang around the Mobitel Building, were seen visiting the Alankara showroom and the EW-Information Systems office. They wear Adidas sneakers, Levis jeans and drink copious amounts of Red Bull. Only last week they were spotted near the offices of The Sunday Times and the Daily Mirror, and we have also seen them hovering around the YES FM and Channel ONE MTV station.

We have also noticed many spelling errors in the title of the play, which would give all educated theatre audiences an idea of the quality of the production! We would like to educate everyone as to the correct spelling that should have been used. Amerrycar, a compleet unnabridged account of the heestory of the greatest nation on Urth! As you can see, Stagefright&Panic certainly do not know their spelling. We appeal to all right-thinking, theatre loving, educated people of Sri Lanka to join hands with us and boycott this play! Please, please take us seriously. If this play happens, and if any of you go to see this, we will be very, very upset. You have to decide now whether you are with us, or whether you are with them! You can’t be with both. Say no and help preserve the dignity of a nation! We care!”

Await Uh-Merry-Kar! A compleat unabrijed account of the histry of the greatest nation on Urrth! presented by Stagefright&Panic Inc. at the Lionel Wendt Theatre, Colombo from June 22 – 26. The production is directed by Feroze Kamardeen, and produced by Sirraj Abdul Hameed. Visit www.stagelightandmagic.com.


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