Everybody plays the fool

"When shall we meet again, in thunder, lightning or in rain?" Well, in rain anyway, because I have noticed that's when you run into your most hated male mistakes. Always when it's raining – he suddenly turns up with a brand-new shiny blonde on his arm, whose hair seems to just repel water.

It's that time of the year again – and I ran into one of my mistakes, who was minus the expected blonde (who I'm sure was looking for rain-repellant hair products in the next aisle) and despite being soaked to the bone, looked all tousle-haired, male and yum.

Players! They're everywhere. Not the acclaimed cricket or basketball kind-but, the conniving, sleazy good-for-nothing-ers, who turn up during the rainy season like unwanted spore-bearing, fruity bits of fungi on your otherwise unmarred heart.

Distinguished characteristic(s): Impatience, Independent. "I never call a girl back after I'm done with her," says an experienced Ferrari, elaborating that the moment the girl becomes too "clingy," it is over for him. At this point, the Ferrari will orchestrate a breakup, turning the tables so that the object in question will dump him. Later, he can confide in another kitten with those big puppy eyes, that the previous girl was ever so mean.

Physical pleasure is the ultimate driving force for these gentlemen, but of course, it is also the chase. Pursuing a kitten is a big thrill for the Ferrari, who will drop her like a hot potato if she returns the favour. After all, if there is no excitement (i.e. chasing) left after, the 'act' gets a bit tedious or loses its novelty, and a Ferrari will do what he does best…Zoom away.

Distinguished characteristic(s): Exuding mixed signals, silver-tongue. Always a true gentleman to the bone, the (*) is a girl's best friend (better than diamonds!) – waiting to pounce at the very moment she lets her guard down. This is a more devious type of player – discreet, calculating and elusive. The frustrating thing is that you normally can't pin anything down on the Aston Martins – because they're best known for covering their every track.

I had an Aston Martin once – over two months; he put his plan of courtship into action. Took him two months because, I was involved in a relationship. Since the Aston Martin was my best friend, I listened to him – and then being the incredibly sweet natured person that I am, I ended up yelling at my boyfriend.

Was I in for a shocking revelation? Yep. After all, when a man offers consolation over one too many coffees and is getting nothing in return – he seems a little too good to be true, doesn't he? Well, in my experience he was. He turned out to be an Aston Martin who was aiming at the all too predictable objective, ensuring his prey (that being myself) was free land for him to roam around on.

Wondering why there was no mention of that witch of an ex-girlfriend in an article in which she obviously belonged? Let me say that girls probably play in the sunshine. Now I've never run into an ex-girlfriend of mine at a local grocery store, so I cannot give you a cute anecdote about dropping a handful of rain-repelling hair products that I would have only purchased to feel better.

However, I do know a friend who after finding out that his girlfriend did the unspeakable, crazily aimed his mom's car into a rather sizable shrub – unintentionally of course. I can't tell you who he wished would strike the girls pretty head.However, lets talk about..

Distinguished characteristics: Too-long eyelashes, pointed red tongue. Fire-engine red Mazda Miata. The beginning of the end of man. At first sight, a Miata will bat her eyelashes, lick her lips and give you what she knows you want. After keeping you awake (surely, with no help of Red Bull) and alive for weeks on end, she will let you have the privilege of service (without benefits) for as long as she is able.

The Mazda Miata thrives on the weak ones – the clingier, the better. She loves commitment. On your part that is. She herself is needy sometimes – but the Miatas that show this attribute are few and amateurish. And she solemnly swears, she does like you – it's just that the Miata's are here with a mission – to find, use and discard.

Distinguished characteristics:Independence, Impatience. A Beetle will have her man after dinner, as a side dish next to a movie and hot cocoa – if she finishes that last travel book she was reading.

She wants no commitment thankyouverymuch, she's talented in her own right and doesn't want her peace of mind disturbed by anyone – dog or man. Harmless obviously, unless you mistake her for the wife-who-knits-at-home, the Beetle only demands your company and physical pleasure.

Unless you cling or possess, she will hang around, but will zoom away at the sight of commitment much like her male counterpart - the Ferrari – yet, for completely different reasons. Boys and girls – try to avoid too much rain and sun. Until next time….