All roads lead to the East, blue skies and sunshine!

By Rypvanwinkle

My Dear Voter in the Eastern Province,

I thought I must write to you because almost everyone in the country has been talking about you for the past several weeks. It is as if the election that you had yesterday was the most important political event this country ever witnessed since gaining idependence!

Voter, I know that many very important people have also been visiting you these past few weeks, some of them promising you schools, hospitals, highways and many other facilities. Others would have told you how you have been ‘liberated’ from the clutches of the Tiger.

Then there would have been the opposition types telling you how important it was for you to go and vote early. After all, we are such a democratic country that if you don’t go to the polling booth and vote, somebody else will do it for you!

I know all this must have been quite an experience for you, Voter. If you are overwhelmed by all the attention that has been paid to you in the recent past, I just want to reassure you that most of these visits by prominent personalities and the promises they make will come to an end now. In fact, don’t expect to see any of these important people until the next election!

Voter, I won’t blame you if you had a hard time deciding whom to vote for. You have a man who has given up his Tiger stripes on one side and on the other side you have a man who has given up his Cabinet portfolio. I envy you, Voter, because when we have our provincial elections here all we get to choose from are defeated candidates who couldn’t get into Parliament…

But of course, your choice would have been made easier by the many incentives you had on offer to vote. Why, if you had the slightest hesitation to vote or if you were just a little bit uncertain who you should vote for, there were people roaming the streets with guns to protect you-and also gently advise you on what you should be doing…

All this makes me feel just a little jealous about you, Voter, and I feel maybe we should also dissolve our own provincial councils and have fresh elections. I could just imagine how our roads, schools and hospitals will be developed overnight and we would be provided with everything that we ask for-even if it is only for a short period of time…

Why, we could even have important people visiting us and other important people demanding helicopters to visit us and then making a song and dance when a helicopter is not provided! We could even have a few bombs exploding every now and then but that would seem to be a small price to pay for ‘democracy’ and being ‘liberated’. And who knows, maybe we could even have Parliament prorogued again!

Now that all these exciting events have come to an end I just want to remind you that you will have to forget the elections and return to the business of getting on with your life- buying your rice, coconuts, gas, petrol and everything else that seem to become more expensive by the day. It is a pity they don’t have different prices for different provinces because then, I am sure Bandula would have given you massive discounts!

Anyway, Voter, once the elections are done and dusted just spare a thought for the rathu sahodarayas, will you? They are the ones who went before the courts and separated you from the North and got this election for you. Now it seems that they will soon be in courts once again-this time, fighting among themselves and we may even see their two factions separating from each other!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS-Voter, I just heard that the chap known to everyone as Karuna has been released in England. Who knows, he may even pay you a visit, if he manages to get hold of another diplomatic passport courtesy of you-know-who!