Opening the gift of memory

It’s the kaleidoscope of smiling faces – in Adelaide, Whyalla, Melbourne, Brisbane and Sydney – that fills my mind with delight as I adjust to life in Sri Lanka after four blissful months in a peaceful and pleasant land. The faces include those of family, of course, and of new friends, but also very specially of old friends, some of whom shared my schooldays in Colombo way back in time, and a few who were my contemporaries at the Lake House of D.R. Wijewardene’s golden era.

It seemed such a special bonus to be able to catch up with four old classmates at Ladies’ College, two of whom resided in Sydney and came to the 83rd birthday party organized for me by my son and daughter-in-law. My friendship with Dr. Gladys Vanniasingham (nee Sinnetamby), for instance, began in 1938 and has only grown deeper with the years. To be able to enjoy each other’s company in Sydney, brought us mutual joy.

Similarly, I was privileged to have Charmaine Solomon (nee Poulier) present, with her husband, Reuben, (who used to play the clarinet in the Galle Face Hotel band of long ago). Charmaine came to Lake House in 1949, fresh from school (HFC, Bambalapitiya), to assist me with the women’s pages of the Ceylon Daily News, (3 full pages a week then), as I was about to go on maternity leave. We have been friends ever since and the celebrity status she subsequently attained with the publication of her many cookbooks in Australia, hasn’t changed her one bit. Also present, was another special friend, Bernice Colombage, still beautiful at 87 years. Her husband, Percy, joined the Advertising Dept. of Lake House around 1950, retiring as Chief Advertising Manager a short time after the takeover of what was then a great institution by the Sirimavo Govt. in 1973. Percy passed away in Australia six years ago. Bernice graciously flew to Sydney from Melbourne to give me the pleasure of her company.

It was such a joy to spend a week in Melbourne with Spencer and Myrtle Toussaint who, like my husband and myself, met and fell in love at Lake House. They got married in June 1948 and hit the headlines while on their honeymoon, as a result of Myrtle’s winning the 2nd prize on a Galle Gymkhana race ticket. Wedding pictures were published in the newspapers, along with the story of their windfall.

More recently, Spencer was felicitated as the “oldest surviving rugger captain of Royal” at a lunch held by Old Royalists in Melbourne a few months ago. Spencer was also an impressive batsman at the annual Royal/Thomian encounters of his time, while his younger brother, Pat, played for STC! Spencer retired as Printing Manager of Lake House and Myrtle and he emigrated to Australia in 1971 with their two daughters.

They are now in their mid-80s and although age may have affected their physical vigour, it hasn’t diminished their belief in Open House hospitality that makes them urge any casual visitor to stay for a meal. Between Spencer’s banter and Myrtle’s loving attention to my comfort, I basked in the warmth of remembered friendship that went back a long way.

One of the advantages of growing old is that not only do your children’s friends show you much unexpected kindness, so do the children of old friends who have gone ahead.

I experienced this richly in Australia and felt more than ever that the Sri Lankan brand of eager hospitality is surely unique. Our dear friends Enid and Malcolm Abeyeratne have passed away, but they have a son and a daughter in Australia, both of whom came to see me with their spouses. Malcolm, it may be recalled, was one of those civil servants of the old school who genuinely served the public – he was Secretary to the Treasury when he retired.

Enid involved herself in community concerns wherever she was, and during their last years on Sri Lankan soil, she was the dedicated leader of the Kandy Branch of Sri Lanka Sumithrayo. Malcolm passed away in New Zealand and Enid, later, in Melbourne, Australia, where I last saw her in 1998 in the ‘Granny Flat’ she occupied, adjoining son Anil’s home. Anil and wife Chulie, came to the Toussaints to take me to their home to meet their grown-up children and then to a Vietnamese restaurant for dinner.

Another welcome visitor I had while in Melbourne was Dilkie Peiris, nee Wijesinghe, only daughter of the inimitable E.C.B. Wijesinghe and his wife Doreen, bringing to mind happy memories, not only of ECB on stage, but of evenings of good fellowship enjoyed in their home in Inner Flower Road. Then, the mother and sister of a close friend of one of my sons, living in Melbourne, insisted on taking me out for the day – this, despite my having met the older lady, Freda, just once in Sri Lanka, about 20 years ago or more, and not ever having met the daughter Kusum. The latter seemed to be an expert driver who knew her way about the city, for she kindly drove me all over, showing me places of interest. Then she took me to the Casino – a huge place which included a hotel and a fine restaurant as well.

I put my scruples aside and joined my two friends in playing the machines which Kusum kept plying with coins, and felt quite pleased when I won ten dollars after a lot of effort and many coins! We had an appetising buffet lunch and sat talking before Kusum drove me to her home via the scenic Yarra river drive. I learned that Kusum’s husband is a G.P., Dr. Nihal Heenitigala. I sat with Kusum and her mum, Freda, in a pleasant family room that looked out on an attractive garden and swimming pool and we talked some more over coffee and cake. It was 6 p.m. when they kindly dropped me back at the Toussaints, leaving me to reflect on the extraordinary kindness of Sri Lankans abroad.

A highlight of my stay in Melbourne was attendance at a Hindu wedding. Again, I had never met the bridegroom’s parents who sent me the invitation, but they had been in Fiji at the same time as my eldest son and family, and Mrs. S. used to send me occasional e-mails to Colombo because she had read some of my newspaper articles. What touched me was an unexpected call from her to inquire whether her husband and she could drop in to see me at the Toussaints on the Thursday night, two days before her son’s wedding. If that wasn’t an uniquely Sri Lankan touch, I don’t know what is!

Back in Sydney, as I sat to a lavish dinner in the home of Muslim friends of my son in Whyalla - Jawar & Sherene, - I reflected privately on the diverse elements of Sri Lankan society which added so richly to my Australian experience. Out there, they were just lovely people, friends who exuded goodwill and were not categorized by their race or ethnicity This was further driven home when I had a call from Siri Ranawake, whose acquaintance I fleetingly made nearly 40 years ago, when her eldest son and my youngest one became firm friends at Royal Primary School during the memorable years when H.D. Sugathapala was Principal. The Ranawakes moved to Kandy and their son Mithila transferred to Trinity College, but the two boys kept up their friendship.

In the early 70s, the whole Ranawake family emigrated to Australia and I scarcely gave them a thought until, in 2006, Ranil received a copy of a novel entitled “Time & Chance” by Mithila’s mum, set in Sri Lanka and Australia, and published in Canberra. I enjoyed the book and since there was an e-mail address, wrote a line to tell Siri Ranawake I liked her story. We subsequently exchanged a few e-mails.

When she heard, via my son Ranil, that I would be in Sydney, she called me and insisted that I must come to lunch with them. So it came about that Mithila whom I’d never have recognized in the street, came to pick me up one day and hugged and kissed me as if I were his grandma. My d-i-l and I had an unforgettable time in Mithila’s home where the senior Ranawakes and all their extended family (there were 2 younger sons whom I had not met before), were gathered. Although the Ranawakes were what might be called a Sinhala Buddhist family, only the daughter is married to a Sri Lankan. I met a happy blend of Sinhalese, Australian and Chinese and maybe half-Japanese in that home where they were all comfortable with one another, untouched by racial stereotypes.

The long Easter weekend in March saw me in Brisbane with dear friends whose friendship has never wavered despite their bitter experiences in July 1983. Tissa Jehoratnam was Exchange Controller when the riots that destroyed his family’s home broke out. They spent some time in a refugee camp and later went to Brisbane, sponsored by Tissa’s b-i-l, Gnana Ponniah who got the whole Ponniah clan across and tragically, was drowned in the sea at Mount Lavinia on a subsequent visit to Colombo.

The former popular eye-surgeon of Rosmead Place, Dr. Sam Thambar, and his wife Vathana (nee Ponniah), and Sobhana Ponniah, together with Thasan and Rohini Ponniah & family, are also happily settled in Brisbane, as are the Selvanayagams from Batticaloa - Chandra, wife of late Leslie and sister to Tissa, and her two daughters Varuni and Renuka and families. Varuni is married to her girlhood sweetheart from Batticaloa, Anthony Reza Razik, and Renuka to a very likeable Aussie named Chris Russel.

That weekend was full to overflowing in catching up with all these loved people including Tissa’s married children and all the fast-growing, Australia-born members of the third generation. Again, it was an unforgettable time, to be hoarded like gold in my memory bank.

The point of this exercise in opening the gift of memory, is to reveal anew our common humanity that makes nonsense of man-made labels and barriers.

When my friend is hurt, I see only a fellow human being in pain and I run to her aid, as she would for me. Race and religion, mother-tongue, skin-colour and customs, matter far less than the fact that we are all equally members of the one human family that embraces all peoples everywhere.