My Dear Mahinda maama,

I thought I must write to you even if you are extremely busy these days meeting those Milibands, Kouchners and Holmeses who are queuing up to meet you and lecture you on how to protect civilians.
Of course there was a time when we worried that you had given in to the pressures that you were being subjected to because you announced that no ‘heavy weapons’ and ‘air strikes’ would be used. But now we are told that Velu will be hunted to the end, despite these restraints and I guess that should satisfy most people.

Now, Mahinda maama, I am told that just this week the Americans bombed some targets in Afghanistan and over a hundred civilians were killed. Now, why don’t you send a special envoy there, just to see how those people are being treated? And I am sure Boggles wouldn’t mind the trip either, even if it is to Afghanistan!

Why, you could even call for Uncle Sam to declare a ceasefire in Afghanistan-even if they know Osama Bin Laden is hiding somewhere there in a two kilometre strip of land. Oh, I am sure they wouldn’t bomb the place, even if they know that!

And the next time that busybody Hillary calls you and asks you about what we are doing in the North and demands a ceasefire there, you should ask her to declare a ceasefire in Afghanistan first! And when those Milibands and Kouchners want to come to Sri Lanka to see what is going on in Mullaitivu, ask them to stopover in Kabul first!

But despite all these people interfering with your affairs, I know you must be a satisfied man these days, Mahinda Maama. After all, you are winning election after election and the number of kilometres the Tigers control continues to shrink, just like the percentage of votes polled by the UNP, so why should you complain?

The Greens are of course unhappy, and who could blame them? But they leave us confused because on the one hand they say that they fully support the war and demand to know why heavy weapons are not being used. But then their leader says that you shouldn’t be doing anything that would annoy ‘friendly’ countries such as the United States and Britain!

But of course, you shouldn’t be too complacent, Mahinda maama. Even you couldn’t win the electorates in Colombo and that is something to think about, isn’t it? And then, when one of your silly ministers goes around saying that thirty percent of voters in the Western province eat grass and that the percentage is more in Colombo,that hardly helps, does it?

Also, now that you seem to have that bogus ‘doctor’ Dutugemunu under control-at least for the time being-we hear of that red sidekick of yours assaulting media people. Now, Mahinda maama, we all know elections are around the corner and it is not a wise strategy to annoy the media either-and you should tell your red sidekick to confine himself to shouting slogans against western imperialists...

Of course there are people who think that elections are not around the corner. Or else, why on earth would that man Bandula who reduced the price of gas just before the Western provincial council election, increase it immediately after the election was held? And he will keep a straight face and tell us it is due to market forces! He is hard to beat for his sense of timing isn’t he?

Anyway, Mahinda maama, we must wish you best of luck in your search for the elusive Velu. I suppose, if you do catch him, we can expect an election sooner rather than later, can’t we?

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS-The next question is which election you would hold first, isn’t it? Although general elections are due first, many are saying that you would prefer the ‘other’ election first. Now, is that true, Mahinda maama?