My dear David Miliband,

I thought I must write to you after I heard the numerous noises you were making about what is going on in Sri Lanka at present.

David, we have heard you say on many occasions that you are ‘appalled’ at what has been happening here. We also know that you desperately wanted our government to call a ceasefire in the North, just as we were poised to end a quarter century of terrorism.

Why, you even came here and tried to meddle with what we were doing by attempting to tell us what to do and what not to do. You also claimed we were using heavy weapons when we said we were not.
Now, if what we hear is correct, you got a tongue lashing from the big bosses and told in no uncertain terms that you shouldn’t be throwing your weight around as if we were still a British colony!

Pardon me, David, but why is it that you just can’t mind your own business? After all, your Labour government in Britain is on its last legs and we hear Prime Minister Gordon Brown is facing the sack from his electorate shortly. So, it is not as if you don’t have enough troubles of your own, is it?

Then, we hear of another scandal in your country, David and that apparently involves you too, among the many politicians who have been implicated. Now is it true, David, that you used 30,000 pounds of government money to repair your home? Well, that is what the newspapers in your country say and you haven’t yet said anything to the contrary, have you?

Well, it is not that our politicians are lily white-they too indulge in a little bit of corruption every now and then to make ends meet and keep the home fires burning, but when you Britishers are caught doing this kind of thing, it looks kind of stupid, don’t you think?

After all, what right has a man-who steals 30,000 pounds from his own country- to lecture other countries about how they should be treating their citizens, David? How would you feel if Karuna dropped by the Foreign Office on a visit to London and started lecturing you on the prison conditions in the UK?

Then, David, why is it that you pick on little Sri Lanka to be so solicitous about? If you haven’t been deaf and blind over the past week and watched even a little bit of television or glanced at the newspaper headlines you would have heard how the Americans bombed Afghanistan-not their own country, mind you- and how over a hundred and twenty civilians died in the incident.

Come on David, show us that you are a real man and you really mean what you say when you state that these deaths of civilians cause you so much distress. So, go ahead, pop into White House and give Barack Obama a piece of your mind, will you?

Or, better still, go to the United Nations Security Council and call for an official discussion on the matter if you are indeed ‘concerned about the plight of civilians. Then, while you are having your frequent discussions with Hillary Clinton on the Sri Lankan issue, why don’t you ask her why the Americans suddenly thought it fit to bomb and kill a hundred civilians? Oh, I am sure she will give you a ready explanation for that!!

Or, David, if you are so worried about what is happening in little Sri Lanka, don’t you think it would be better if you just call Prabhakaran, offer him asylum in UK and give him Northern Ireland as his separate state? After all, if you haven’t realised it already, what you are doing now amounts to that, almost!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS-David, we have seen you hobnobbing quite a bit with Hillary,the woman who doesn’t want the IMF to give us a loan. Now we know that her husband Bill and our own Satellite are good friends. Could it be that Satellite has put her up to it, to try and cross swords with Mahinda maama? Find that out for us will you, old chap?