The handing out of the UPFA goodies is almost over now. National List slots and Cabinet posts have been assigned to some and not assigned to others, while still others will live in eternal hope. And the squabbling has begun.
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| The new Cabinet posing for a photograph after being sworn-in |
Mrs. Anumaana’s neighbour, Mrs. Aandupaksa, gave her the full low-down on the prize list that was announced after the swearing-in of MPs in Parliament. (The swearing that went on OUTSIDE Parliament was also graphically described, but failed to meet the test of “all that’s fit to print,” and therefore regretfully had to be omitted.)
There were many prizes and surprises. And as Mrs. Anumaana soon realized, the surprise for some was that they did not get any prizes. Hence the squabbling, she figured. Here’s a sampling of how it went:
Prize for the Most Deserving MP – Mervyn Silva
Prize for the MP Most Indispensable to the UPFA government – Ranil Wickremesinghe
Prize for Exemplary Behaviour – (a tie) Mahindananda Aluthgamage & Susantha
Punchinilame. (Honourable Mention – Nishantha Muthuhettigama)
Prize for being a Good Boy – Douglas Devananda
Prize for being a Bad Boy – Ranjith Maddumabandara
Prize for Doing Nothing Much but being a Useful Mascot – Vinayagamoorthy Muralitharan
Prize for Repeatedly Defying the Moderator’s cue to Stop Talking on “Satana” TV programme –
Pavithra Wanniarachchi
Prize for Piety – D.M. Jayaratne
Prize for Best Actress – Malini Fonseka
Prize for Best Supporting Actor – Jeevan Kumaratunga
Prize for Best Stuntman – Mohamed Musammil
Prize for Best Hairstyle – Wimal Weerawansa
As for the newly appointed Cabinet, Mrs Anumaana ponders whether it will turn out to be like the cabinet in her sitting room. It does not lean to left or right, and it is not collapsible. It has no “defective” parts or tendencies. And it is DEFINITELY not expandable. But with the Parliamentary cabinet there were no guarantees, she reflected.Sunil has now resolved the knotty problem of deciding on the most suitable career option for himself. He says there is no doubt whatsoever that the most sought-after form of employment in Sri Lanka now is to become a Member of Parliament – preferably from the ruling party.
He figures that if this job is so much in demand that candidates try to kill each other in order to get in, it must surely be a very LUCRATIVE and REWARDING form of employment. Some of the stories that Mrs Aandupaksa has whispered in his mother’s ear, which she in turn has related to him, have also contributed to this view. Nobody needs any qualifications to get this job, he argues. All you have to do is, in the space where the application form asks you to state your “occupation,” you write “Businessman.” Or leave it blank.
What happens if you get kicked out, Mrs Anumaana asked, where is your job security? Oh that’s never a problem he says. You join the opposition and mark time until you can make a come-back. In this job all sins are forgiven including slander, deceitfulness, double-crossing and treachery. It’s as easy as musical chairs, he says breezily. Sunil is on cloud nine ever since he made his big decision. But Mrs. Anumaana has serious doubts.
The writer is a senior freelance journalist. |
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