My dear Wimal,
I thought I must write to you because you seem to be in the news once again, although for the wrong reasons!
We all remember you making headlines when you staged that infamous ‘maaranthika upavaasaya’ against Ban Ki-moon and his advisory panel for all of three days. Then, you suddenly decided to call it off when Mahinda maama decided to visit you and offer you some water to drink.
Of course, Wimal, we were not surprised even though you promised to fast unto death unless Ban Ki-moon withdrew his panel. After all you are all about letting off hot air and not matching your words with deeds, aren’t you?
Can we ever forget how you, as the chief guest of a state literary festival said ‘Old Man and the Sea’ was written by Guy de Maupassant when even a pahey shishyathvaya student knows it was written by Ernest Hemingway. But to be fair by you, we don’t of course select all our ministers and MPs on the basis of whether they have passed the pahey shishyathvaya or not!
Then there was the instance when you confessed you had not been to Sigiriya. I don’t think King Kashyapa would take offence at that-in fact, I think he would be quite relieved-but don’t you think it was quite silly of you to say you hadn’t been to Sigiriya because you didn’t have the time to do so? After all, you did have the time to go to Disneyland!
But, Wimal, even after having got out of embarrassing situations such as that, I believe you would still find it a bit difficult to deal with the present predicament because it appears that Mahinda maama has given the go ahead to Ban Ki-moon’s panel, after all. Why else would Moon announce that the panel will now be visiting our country and that he is grateful to Mahinda maama for that?
Pardon me, Wimal, but we are all a bit confused. Only a few months ago, we heard the likes of our Professor of Law, Keheliya and yourself giving us various explanations as to why Ban Ki-moon should not appoint a panel to probe the final days of the war, why they should not be allowed here and how they will be denied visas if they attempt to travel to this country.
But now, we are told that we won’t mind it after all, and that the panel could come to our country and sample a taste of the floods, the Hambantota harbour and the half-ready cricket stadium in Pallekele! Are we that short of tourists, Wimal? Why, very soon we may even have a Senior Minister overseeing Ban Ki-moon panel’s visit to Sri Lanka!
And what are you supposed to do now, Wimal? If only you had reserved the ‘maaranthika upavaasaya’ for this type of situation! Instead of jumping the gun at the first hint of trouble you could have been the centre of attention right now, grabbing all the headlines and the publicity. But that chance seems to have been lost forever.There are still opportunities, Wimal. You could, for instance climb a water tank or a high rise rooftop and threaten to jump the moment Ban Ki-moon’s panel sets foot in Sri Lanka. The advantage is that since it will not be classified as a ‘maaranthika upavaasaya’, you can have the best catering services deliver food to you because I am sure they will relish the publicity as well…
Or else, you could be a bit more melodramatic and offer to set fire to yourself if Ban Ki-moon sends his men here. Now that is a strategy that will most certainly spoil your neat hairstyle and beard but you need to also make sure the fire engines get to you in time. If they encounter one of those long queues for bargain priced coconuts while on their way to douse you, it will surely be ‘anichcha vatha sankara’…
But at least, Wimal, you are still the only person who is protesting against the Moon panel. Why, one of your own chaps even claimed that Tigers have infiltrated the Professor’s ‘external’ ministry and that is why Moon’s panel is now being welcomed. Tell me Wimal, are you now eyeing the Professor’s job?
Anyway, Wimal, I am sure you will survive this little insult to your reputation-or what is left of it. Who knows, when all is said and done, we might see a picture of a smiling Wimal welcoming Moon and his panel at the Hambantota airport with a garland of those now very expensive onions!
Yours truly
Punchi Putha
PS-Someone tells me there is another strategy here. We invite Moon’s panel, set them up in a hotel and then when they are about to begin sittings tell them we cannot guarantee their security if they proceed with their hearings and advise them to leave. I am not sure who the brains behind this plan is, but I am told it originated somewhere in Oxford… |
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