Countless memories of my favourite aunt; Daphne de Soysa, which are stored deep in the recesses of my heart keep flooding my mind, after her death. Her husband, Uncle Cecil, was one of my father’s favourite cousins and my father was their doctor as well. I first saw her when I was a teenager and she brought her children to consult my father about their childhood ailments. I always admired her grace, dignity and charm long before I got to know her well.
This happened much later, after my marriage; when she and Uncle Cecil were constant visitors at my maternal Uncle Abhaya’s home as he and Uncle Cecil were close friends. To get to know her was to love her and we met often; I was closer to her than to my own mother, and she was my guide, philosopher and friend. Both of us together, planned and organized the homecoming for my cousin Romesh and his bride Nelun at Uncle Abhaya’s home.
She was the daughter of W.P.H. Dias of Panadura and educated at Ladies’ College; a perfectionist to her fingertips, a brilliant hostess and asset to her husband in a myriad ways. I recall the many parties she organized for family birthdays and get-togethers, each one was with a special theme which was carried out to the very letter, in food, dress and decor. If she gave you a recipe, every piece of meat or vegetable was cut to the exact size, and she insisted that one kept to all this detail.
Her husband was the rock on which she built her life and she took time to come to terms with her loss, and out of her grief and anguish. After Uncle Cecil’s death, she expressed a wish to go to Yala, so my late husband and I took her there. It was a real holiday for me, as she took it on herself to organize all the food, menus and so on, which were all of high gourmet standard. We went on many trips together, and she would always organize the food part of it; to give me a rest from housekeeping.
She was the gracious chatelaine of her home, her husband’s devoted wife and confidante, a wonderful mother, grandmother and mother-in-law. As a mother, she was the ideal receptacle for her children’s dreams and ambitions; which became hers too.
Before she was confined to her bed, she was an indefatigable organiser of many charity projects and events, and for the Anglican Church. These were inspired and encouraged by both her husband and her brother-in-law, the late Bishop Harold de Soysa. After her husband’s death, she gave away all her coloured clothes and came out of black and white into grey. After that she stuck to all shades of purple from lilac, mauve and lavender….my nickname for her was ‘Lavender Lady’.
She was of immense strength to me when my husband died, spent hours with me, and was a strong shoulder for me to lean on through those difficult times.
To her children, right through her life; till her last years, she was an omnipotent being, a protector and miracle worker. She had a unique devotion to order, propriety and conservatism. She loved all her children; but was particularly close to Sunil and Dayani, who lavished tender, loving care on her.
As one who loved her, I find myself with special memories of her that have nowhere to go, dreams of her that will never be fulfilled. But what matters is that I have them; however whimsical or impossible they may seem. My one regret is that she couldn’t live her last years, or lie in death in her own home, in which she spent such happy times with her family.
“A perfect woman, nobly planned, to guide, to comfort and command”.
Ilica Malkanthi,
Karunaratne
That sweet voice will now join the choirs of angels
Lankika De Livera
Four girls burst out loud into song, while walking along the pavement of the Colpetty junction in Colombo.
“I'm born again, I feel free
No longer alone
A bright light is shining
And shows me a world that I own…..”
We were sweet sixteen. Bishopians. Carefree. Happy and oblivious to the scorching heat of the mid-day sun. Oblivious to the weight of the books we carried home after school. Oblivious to the stares of the passers-by….
Lanki led the singing with her sweet soprano voice. Nisha and Sharmini harmonized in different parts. I joined in spontaneously.
Those were the days of Boney- M, Abba, Bee Gees… Life was full of laughter and fun.
Lankika De Livera, and I studied in parallel classes from kindergarten till the O’levels at Bishop’s College. She became my close friend when we were in the A’ level class, studying History and English together.
Lanki and I spent many hours together since then. She was quiet and was in the background of things. I was more in the forefront of school activities. But we forged a strong bond of friendship.
I was a risk-taker. She was pensive and cautious. She gave me sound advice. I was always busy. She urged me to find time to join her in reaching out to the less fortunate, the old and feeble, poor people, colleagues who had problems at home. She also demonstrated to me the importance of being patient and trying to understand the problems of others.
At the Interschool Shakespeare Drama Competition, Lanki was Lysander and I Hermia , the lovers in “Midsummer Night’s Dream”. Lanki held my hand and gently led me up the steps leading upto the stage in the darkness as I had to remove my spectacles and could not see my way. She ensured that I did not trip as I entered the stage.
Lanki loved everything that was beautiful- wildlife, nature, music, song, poetry, books, drama….She opened up the marvels of many wondrous works of art and nature to me. She used to often send a dainty card with a handwritten verse to cheer or inspire a friend or someone in need. I was often a recipient of such thoughtfulness.
Lanki excelled in singing. I was overjoyed when she decided to take part in the senior solo singing competition at school and asked me to accompany her on the piano. What fun we had practising for endless hours on the old pianos at the Bishop’s College music rooms or at her home or mine. She gave a magnificent rendering of “The Holy City” and “Hark Hark the Lark” by Schubert and was adjudged the first runner up.
Our friendship grew after we left school. I entered the Kelaniya University. Lanki entered Law College.
I embarked on journalism at “The Island” newspaper and following my advice, she applied to “The Sun” newspaper. I accompanied her for the interview and waited for her downstairs while she met the editor upstairs. She returned after a successful interview. We were both thrilled!
As journalists working for two separate newspapers, we shared experiences. We also went on many assignments together to provide coverage for our respective newspapers. We both covered the Arts and Culture round. We went to many concerts together and many trips out of Colombo to cultural and archaeological sites.
We also had our own separate interests. I was adventurous and keen on the excitement of investigative reporting, she preferred travel, wild life and nature.
Lanki introduced me to her friends at Law College. We went together for many Law College events and parties and she joined my Kelaniya University friends at get-togethers.
Lanki and her mother were regular visitors at our home for Christmas. She made Christmas special for us with her beautiful singing of carols.
My family and I enjoyed the Sinhala and Tamil New Year festivities at Lanki’s home.
Enjoying our newfound independence and freedom as journalists and undergraduates, Lanki and I roamed around Colombo – Lanki driving her mother’s Volkswagon.
Lanki and I planned lavish celebrations for our 21st birthday parties. Mine did not materialize and ended up in a quiet affair with my family and Lanki.
Lanki’s party took place at a resort on the Mount Lavinia Beach. I spent the whole day with her decorating the place. I also made the dessert for the occasion.
Lanki was swept off her feet when she met Prasanna Panditharatne. She gave up her studies in law to marry Prasanna. She also gave up journalism.
She did her best as a young bride. She cooked for her husband and kept a resplendent home.
But the fairy tale ended. Prasanna and Lanki realized that they were not compatible. Lanki’s life was soon clouded with sorrow.
However, the birth of a bonny baby boy, offered hope. He became the centre of Lanki’s life. She went to great lengths to ensure that he had a happy childhood. Lanki and Prasanna separated and went their different ways but both did their best for their son.
Lanki remarried eight years ago. I was the only friend she invited for the quiet wedding dinner. Lanki devoted all her time and effort to her new husband and child but failed to find happiness.
During the last couple of years, Lanki suffered from depression. She was overcome with sorrow and worry. She returned to her mother’s home a few weeks ago.
When she called me in her distress, I did my best to help her, comfort her, to give her hope for the future. I took her to prayer meetings. She told me that she gained a lot of comfort from the prayer meetings and promised to keep coming.
I dropped Lanki at her mother’s gate after the prayer meeting on Wednesday night, April 6 . She gave me and my daughter hugs and kisses as she left, promising to come again with us on Sunday. She looked so pretty, in a bright yellow blouse as she stood at her gate and waved to us.
On Saturday, April 9, I got a call to inform me that Lanki was dead. Her mortal remains were cremated on Sunday, April 10 at the Mount Lavinia Cemetery Many of our classmates from Bishop’s College and her friends from Law College were there amidst the large gathering of relatives and friends.
As I left the funeral, my mind was filled with memories of Lanki, standing on the Bishop’s College stage singing the verse from “The Holy City”.
“And once again the scene was changed;
New earth there seemed to be;
I saw the Holy City
Beside the tideless sea;
The light of God was on its streets,
The gates were open wide,
And all who would might enter,
And no one was denied.
No need of moon or stars by night,
Or sun to shine by day;
It was the new Jerusalem
That would not pass away.
Jerusalem! Jerusalem!
Sing for the night is o'er!
Hosanna in the highest!
Hosanna for evermore!”
I knew that for my dearest friend Lanki, there would be no more sorrow and depression. Lanki had finally reached the holy city, where she would sing hosanna for evermore with the angels!
Manique Mendis
Adieu to a Toastmaster par
excellence, and dear friend
Paddy Gunasekara
It was eight o’clock and we had just finished our fortnightly meeting. As always I watched him descend the stairs slowly. As he reached the bottom step he smiled apologetically and said; “Young lady, I am not as quick as I used to be.” I was quick to reply that he was the healthiest 84-year-old I knew…..maybe I spoke too soon.
Paddy Gunasekara or CTM (Competent Toastmaster) Paddy Gunasekara as he was known among the Toastmasters fraternity passed away on January 21 this year. His loss was a shock to all those who knew him and extremely saddening to those of us who loved and cherished this beautiful man. As his third month remembrance drew close I thought it fitting to write about this extraordinary individual who has inspired my life.
I met Mr. Gunasekara or Paddy as we fondly called him back in 2006 when I joined a speech crafters programme conducted by CIMA. I found Paddy to be extremely fascinating from the very first moment I met him. His passion for Toastmasters, his sense of humour, and love for life was apparent in all what he did.
He was a founder member of the Colombo Toastmasters Club, a pioneering figure who introduced the art of public speaking to Sri Lanka in the early 1980s when many of us were still in our nappies. His love and dedication to the Toastmasters movement did not end there for till the very end he remained an active member, present at all functions, mentoring and coaching clubs and members and always ready to help. Although Paddy was not a member of the CIMA Toastmasters Club which he helped to set up he was always there, earlier than most of us greeting us with his charming smile and warm hug. He was often teased for being more of a member of the club than some actual members were, so when the current club president decided to recognize his contribution to our club by making him an honorary member of CIMA Toastmasters Club our response was unanimous.
I remember how proud and happy he was that day. Paddy had a great sense of duty. He took everything he did seriously whether it was a simple speech evaluation or being present as a judge at a contest he would be well prepared. He would never let anyone down and was dependable. I was shocked to hear that he had gone to great lengths to actually call up to apologize for not making it to a meeting when he was still recovering in the intensive care unit. That was how duty conscious he was.
Paddy was our grammarian at every meeting and he knew how to change a boring role of being the grammarian into a role that everyone envied. He would introduce a new word every day and many a time he would bring up a word that created much mayhem. How he secretly chuckled as we roared with laughter listening to other toastmasters enjoy playing with the word. He certainly knew how to make the meetings interesting and was always ready to have some good fun.
He never ceased to amaze me with his wealth of knowledge. You maybe an 18 -year- old or in your grand seventies but he could be just as comfortable with anyone speaking on any topic for he was well read and updated about everything that went on around him. I never knew someone who was so young at heart as Paddy. His body may have been weak, his step slow but he had a young heart for no one felt out of place around him.
Paddy to me was a great friend, someone I could look towards when I needed advice or support. He was always there and ever willing. He was direct with his views yet so considerate of how one felt. If I have learnt a thing or two about the art of good public speaking then a significant amount of the credit is owed to him. I will remember him for all the times he’s held my hand before a contest re-assuring me that all will go well and been the first to come and cheer me up when all didn’t go so well.
Paddy, you have been a beacon in guiding so many of us and you worked tirelessly to make Toastmasters what it is today. You shall be forever remembered for that but most of all we will remember you for who you were, the simple humble man who gave all he could to what he loved. We loved you then and we love you now and we always will. So long my friend…
Probodini Senavirathne
Be honest, be humble – that was how father brought up his family
Lucian De Alwis
April 9 would have been my father’s 100th birthday. An old Josephian, civil lawyer, JPUM (Justice of Peace and Unofficial Magistrate), acting District Judge Mount Lavinia, father had character and personality. He was a professional in the fullest sense. He stood strong on his principles when it came to decision making, and worked almost to the very end, until his death at the age of 88.
His mission in life was very simple: “Be honest! Be humble!” He chose a simple lifestyle, and tackled life’s challenges calmly. He was a down-to-earth, friendly person.
Junior lawyers affectionately called him “Uncle”, and they valued his advice and guidance. And we, his children – my father had 11 children, six daughters and five sons – valued his way of life and we incorporated his mission in our lives too.
My father strongly believed in education. He was very proud that all his sons were professionals, but more importantly that we cherished the values he did.
With regard to his daughters, his primary concern, in the family tradition, was to find them the best of husbands. He wanted the best of sons-in-law. In this he succeeded, and so we have brothers-in-law who have always stood by the family.
My father’s mission continues in the next generation, in his grandchildren. My father left behind 25 grandchildren, ranging in age from 39 to six years. It is with pride that we look upon these young men and women who have excelled here in Sri Lanka and also overseas.
Behind my father’s success was my mother, Monica de Alwis, who raised 11 children and supervised the bringing up of most of her grandchildren.
All this came thanks to the solid foundation my father laid down. He was strong enough to hold up many more generations to come. He taught us that more important than financial strength is strength of character. He taught us to face life with honesty and humility. This was the secret behind the success of Lucian de Alwis’s family. In return, God has given in abundance.
Thaatha, generations to come will look upon you as not only a successful lawyer but an honest, humble man who worked tirelessly, and in silence.
Vasantha |
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