Break the silence and snap that cycle of violence.
This is the strong message that came as Sri Lanka prepared to honour its mothers and daughters on International Women’s Day which falls next Thursday.
While ‘Saving Face’, a 40-minute film on acid attacks against women in Pakistan secured an Oscar at the recent Academy Awards for ‘Best Documentary Short’, Sri Lanka’s activists urged women not to be silent on the violence in their very homes under the misconception that it was a “private matter”.
As is the case even in the extreme acid attacks in Pakistan where the perpetrator is an enraged husband or rejected suitor, in Sri Lanka too violence against women is by people closest to them, the Sunday Times understands. The disastrous consequences of violence by a husband on a wife not only impacts the wife but also the children, stresses Consultant Paediatrician Prof. Harendra de Silva who has been a crusader for child protection for more than two decades, “for violence is self-perpetuating”.
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| Prof. de Silva: Crusader for child protection.
Pic by Indika Handuwala |
Children, especially boys in an abusive environment be it the home, the school, the sports grounds or the place of religious worship, in turn, will become abusers when they reach adulthood, he warns, pointing out that a woman who is being abused or kith and kin who see or sense such abuse should encourage her to take steps to get out of the abusive relationship. This is why protecting not only the mother but also the son and the daughter is of vital importance.
“Domestic violence is worse than street violence, for more than 80% of all reported incidents of violence take place at home,” explains Sumithra Fernando of Women In Need (WIN), a non-governmental organization working actively against this menace.
Having nine Crisis Centres in the provinces, four Counselling Centres at police stations and eight one-stop Crisis Centres at hospitals, WIN which first focused on battered women is now combating all forms of violence against both women and children.Violence can take any one of these forms, according to WIN:
- Physical abuse – Assault ranging from a slap to murder.
- Sexual abuse – Forcing the victim to engage in the sexual act, making demeaning or humiliating sexual comments or jokes or threatening physical harm if sexual requests are not complied with.
- Emotional abuse – It is behaviour that does not give importance and respect to another’s feelings and results in wilful acts of humiliating, insulting, belittling, demoralizing or threatening a person, causing pain of mind, fear, powerlessness and anger.
- Social abuse – Social isolation or social control where the victim is prevented by the abuser from having any social contact or strictly controls any social contact.
- Verbal abuse – Degrading, humiliating or demeaning words including threats of physical harm.
- Economic abuse – Here the victim is deprived of access to or control over money, with restrictions being placed on how much money is available for daily expenses. The victim has no choice but to be tied to the partner.
Advising on what relatives or friends should be alert to, Consultant Psychiatrist Dr. Sunera Fernando attached to the University Psychiatry Unit of the National Hospital, Colombo, says that physical or emotional abuse can result in features of an acute stress reaction, adjustment disorder, anxiety or depression.
“The nature of the reaction will depend on the severity of the stressor and the duration which it has been there. The abused person may be anxious, on edge, unable to relax and unable to concentrate which are features of anxiety,” she says, adding, “Or else they may be persistently sad, unable to sleep, have poor appetite, reduced energy, irritable (getting angry easily) and lose interest in activity and not enjoy activities they previously enjoyed, suggestive of depression.”
Some abused persons may withdraw from all social interactions and become quiet, while others will start to get angry frequently and become aggressive, explains Dr. Fernando. In the immediate time-frame after a stressor, the person may have an acute stress reaction which is the initial response to stress that lasts about two days (but usually subsides in two weeks). The person will have insomnia, restlessness, poor concentration and anxiety symptoms (sweating, palpitations, tremors). Anger and irritability may also be there.
“Young persons may also resort to self-harming behaviour after prolonged or acute stressors. This is a maladaptive coping mechanism and needs urgent attention as persons who threaten self-harm can go on to harm themselves. Therefore, the family should be vigilant if the person has talked about ending his/her life or suicide and refer the person to a doctor,” she says. “Even those with untreated depression may have thoughts of self-harm and need to obtain medical help.”
Referring to a very significant severe episode of abuse, like rape, she says that it may even cause post-traumatic stress disorder in the long term.
Family and friends should offer a “confiding relationship” in which the person can discuss the problem freely, according to Dr. Fernando. Offer emotional support. If the symptoms are severe and the affected person is not able to do his/her day-to-day work, then medical help should be sought.
Relatives should encourage the person with these mental problems to seek professional help from mental health services but this may be difficult as the person may be unwilling to do so. It is, however, vital that the person gets medical help. All steps should also be taken to stop the abuse and make the person feel secure, she adds.
Violence should be looked at as a whole, explains Prof. de Silva, underlining the fact that children, both girls and boys, cannot be left out of this equation. Another factor that he brings to the fore is that sometimes the usual pattern of men sexually abusing children gets reversed and women are found to have abused children, especially boys.
Citing the example of sexual offenders who doubled up as serial killers such as Jack the Ripper, he says that if not all, at least some of them may have been sexually abused by women when they were boys.
He recalls how at a meeting on violence in India, a top NGO personality described how his mother’s best friend had frequently sexually aroused him when he was just a little boy of four or five years. He was experiencing pleasant things which he had thought were dreams only to find one day when he woke up that the woman was “meddling with his private parts”.
Even if a 14-year-old boy is tempted by a 25-year-old woman to have sex with her, he may like it, but it is still sexual abuse, he points out, adding “this is going to ‘mould’ his life in a different way”.
Prof. de Silva, the Founder-Chairman of the National Child Protection Authority (NCPA), is not making sensational or frivolous comments. He is armed with facts, having carried out numerous surveys in Sri Lanka itself. With Prof. N. Chandrasiri and Prof. S. Lamabadusuriya, he had been the first to describe physical abuse of children in the 1980s. In a research done about 20 years ago, he had found that 20% of boys and 10% of girls had been abused during their childhood. Later, a study by the Colombo Medical Faculty in one boys’ school had found that 18% had been abused, more or less confirming his own findings.
His research had also uncovered that 8% of older boys had indulged in some sort of sex with a child. They may have been isolated incidents but they had sex with a child, he says, pointing out that about 65% of the abusers had themselves been abused as children. Quoting Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, Prof. de Silva says that a child who has had a homosexual experience is likely to become a homosexual as an adult.
A small percentage, 11 children, in Prof. de Silva’s earlier study had reported that they were in fact abused by women.
A recent study of both boys and girls in schools in Gampaha had found that a child who is exposed to violence has a higher tendency to be a perpetrator of violence, while a study at a leading boys’ school in Colombo carried out by Prof. de Silva’s son, Dr. Daham de Silva during his medical student days, had established a strong link between a drunk man who is violent towards his wife, spawning aggressive behaviour in his children.
This applies to all types of abuse, that’s why it is important to break this “inter-generational vicious cycle”, urges Prof. de Silva.
Be alert to signs of abuse in children
Giving the tell-tale pointers that a child is being abused, Prof. Hemamali Perera, Professor in Psychological Medicine, Colombo Medical Faculty, says that if the child is “non-verbal” unable to express himself/herself because he/she is in the 0-3 year age group, physical abuse may be seen as non-accidental injuries such as fractures or multiple injuries. There may be burns, contusions or bruising, especially around the mouth, because sometimes an abusive mother or father may be squeezing the mouth (“kata mirikanawa”). The different stages of wound healing would indicate the length of abuse.
In the case of sexual abuse, the area near the reproductive organs may be bruised as if something has been forced upon that area, according to her.
The child would be irritable, fretful and cry excessively, with sleep disturbances. A prominent indicator would be if the child shows signs of sexual behaviour such as masturbation by rubbing the vulval area.
In the 4-7 age-group, children may be able to say that something is wrong but not have a clear idea of what has happened. Then the child needs to be handled carefully, because the perpetrator, someone close to the child, may have threatened harm not only to the child but also to either one or both parents. If there has been physical abuse, the marks would be there, while sexual abuse would be indicated by sexualized behaviour such as attempts to remove the undergarments of peers or make peers lie on the floor and get on top of them, says Prof. Perera.
“These children may also complain of tummy aches and have urinary symptoms such as the need to go to the toilet frequently and have a burning sensation when passing urine. They will have nightmares, sleep disturbances, irritability and be distressed. They may stop eating, cry a lot or look miserable,” she says.
Children in the 8-14 age-group may be subjected to emotional abuse as well either by teachers or even parents who may call them derogatory names. Sexual abuse could come out in the form of the child complaining of headaches or tummy aches while bright children may suddenly drop rapidly in their lessons. They may develop sudden fainting attacks, she points out.
Be watchful, urges Prof. Perera because abusers could be anyone – older siblings, the parents, close relatives, neighbours, domestics in the home, teachers at school or tuition, van drivers who take them to and fro, sports coaches or even religious mentors.
Adds Prof. Harendra de Silva that an abused child or adolescent will lose his/her self esteem or value for himself/herself. A boy may become a passive partner in homosexual relationships in adulthood.
There will be a group among the abused who will be aroused by such acts but be revengeful as well. As they cannot get to the abuser when they are older, they will turn the tables and abuse children. Here the thing that has happened is that the actors have changed roles, he stresses.
The danger signals that a child is being abused, according to Prof. de Silva, could also be sexualized behaviour or touching games where the child will touch the normal parts of the body of a person close to him/her and also the private parts. He/she may even take the hand of the mother or father and place it on his/her private parts, like the perpetrator has done to the child.
Some will have depression as adults while some will be aggressive adults with violent personalities. There will also be a resilient group who will not allow it to scar their lives but campaign against abuse, he adds.
If there are strong suspicions of abuse, report to the police immediately, says Prof. Hemamali Perera, explaining that then they will get a Judicial Medical Officer to examine the child.
Ensure the child's safety from further abuse by removing him/her from any adverse situation or by giving close supervision and if injured, seek medical help for the child, she adds.
Help a phone call away
The National Child Protection Authority may be contacted on its hotline: 1929. Women In Need may be contacted on its 24-hour hotline: 011-4718585. |
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