22nd February 1998

Oh, these men

Teasing and sexual harassment-is it a means of communicating in a repressed society?

By Farrah Mihlar

This is not a sexist point of view, it is a fact. Every day hundreds of women in Sri Lanka are sexually harassed either on the roads , at their work place or in public transport. It is more the norm than the exception.

Incidents of young boys hassling 45 year old women, men stuffing their palms into the skirts of young girls or secretaries or having their bodies felt by their bosses are often spoken about with little action taken. Even the women who scream about their rights and fight to undermine male dominance find themselves increasingly unable to defend themselves on such occasions. Often it is a question of 'what can they do ' or as one psychologist says any reaction in such occasions is more likely to encourage the abuser than discourage him.

"It is a man's way of communicating" is however one explanation given by a psychologist. He interprets these gestures of 'harassment' as an attempt to make contact with the opposite sex. A certain part of it might stem from the fact that most men don't know how to interact with the opposite sex.

''They don't have any experience" says Ananda Galappati a psychologist at the Social Scientists Institute in Colombo. He points out that Sri Lankans are segregated from a very young age, and that men and women when they grow older find it difficult to make contact and communicate with each other.

Therefore, what may appear as a perverse gesture or chauvinistic remark is more likely a poor effort to say "hi, I would like to get to know you.''

There is no consensus however amongst the experts as to the reason behind sexual harassment. They are varied in their views.

Modern society seems to be caught up between two contradictory forces , one is the force of repression i.e; society tends to impose restriction on behaviour including expression of emotional feelings. On the other hand people are exposed to certain sexual stimuli. Then the person who is exposed to these two contradictory forces end up being ambivalent and are also in a dilemma as to how he or she has to behave , says Professor S.T. Hettige.

In the last few years with the increase in television channels, and access to more films and videos Sri Lankans are having greater access to a different cultures, adds Mr. Premakumara de Silva, a lecturer in sociology at the Colombo University. They see movies arousing their sexual interest, tempting them to live, similar lifestyles, yet, they are strictly governed by local attitudes which places taboos on such behaviour. Those who are trapped between the two worlds can only react in this way, says Prof. Hettige.

Is sexual repression then a major contributing factor to this kind of behaviour ( i.e: harassment)? Again the views vary.

"You can't generalize " says Gamila Samarasinghe who lectures Psychology at the Colombo University. She says it may be a contributing factor, but is not the only factor. Prof. Hettige explains that sexual repression in Sri Lanka is an acute problem and could possibly result is such behaviour, but he asks a crucial question. Such behaviour exists in countries where there is no sexual repression. This is indication that repression may not play such a vital role in the matter, he says.

Sri Lankans most certainly appear to be a nation of hypocrites. They boast of a purist culture, that does not encourage pre marital sex but refuse to accept the reality that it is so rampantly existent in society. Couples who gather at the Victoria Park are jeered at and some times even sprayed with water cannon by the municipal authorities. They are accused of corrupting the nation, and parliament is not in favour of building places for younger people to hang out, saying it is counter to our culture.

The denial has resulted in a build up of frustration amongst the youth, and it is not the rich who suffer, but as usual the poor. For those who can afford it, there are night clubs, bars and disco's but what are the alternatives to the Galle Face and the Victoria Park for most others?

Academics like Prof. Hettige acknowledge the hypocrisy but explains that sexual repression is needed to some extent. He quotes the Freudian view that civilization was possible because there was repression, in other words that if there was no repression there would be no civilization as we know it. He argues that if you don't postpone gratification, there won't be progress. Young persons of 13 or 14 have the same sexual urge of those who are 18 or 20, but a 13 year old is expected to postpone his sexual desires till he can take over social responsibility, he says.

However, he warns that repression of any kind causes anxiety.

The natural tendency is to express these appetites. "When they are hungry they want to eat ,when they are thirsty they want to drink,'' he says but emphasizes the need to discipline one's self.

A dominant view is that Sri Lanka is still a male chauvinistic society . The atmosphere that encourages such behaviour stems from a need to emphasize ones sexual identity. Its power, says Galappati is where men want to show they are the dominant sex . Its one way of saying they are in control. Touching a woman or making a sexist remark gives some men the satisfaction that "they are stronger'', says Samarasinghe.

Sadly the options for the women are few. It is easy to say that they can turn around and slap the man or abuse him in turn. Recently at a public gathering a woman who was seated next to her husband felt a man touch her from behind. She was brave enough to stand up and scream "this man is touching me'' she says, but adds it is not an easy option.

"You can't blame the victim; what if she was scared or she was not entirely aware of what this man was saying'' says Galapati. ''It depends on the situation, says Samarasinghe.

''Sometimes when you ignore, it is more disappointing to the person who is trying to harass you because the whole purpose of harassing you is to respond," she says.

What's the solution to this behaviour pattern which has already surfaced in our society?

There are sufficient laws in this country to prosecute a man who sexually harasses a woman. Even when a man makes a sexist comment to a woman like "lassana baduwa'' she can complain to the police, says DIG crime Nizam.

But few women are aware of the law, he says and up to date not complaint has been made, despite the law being effective for several years. It is not merely their ignorance of the laws, but more often their knowledge of the fact that the police are unlikely to take any action.

"They will most probably laugh'' says a young girl. Members of the forces are often part and parcel of the whole system.

Recently military personnel in as many as four check points chose to make sexist remarks at women who were walking down the Galle Face Centre Road.

The question is how the law can be effective when the law enforcement authorities act in such a manner?.

The only consensus that the experts arrive at is the need to improve relations between adults and children.

It is important that parents and teachers teach children about relationships and discuss subjects like sex. Despite being in the modern age, there is still an invisible wall between adults and children, when discussing such subjects. The common notion is that such subjects are not meant to be discussed. Young people have no alternative to gaining inaccurate information.

"Imagine if you have to learn about sex in a pornographic movie, what kind of knowledge would you have on relationships," says Galapatti. He asks whether young boys treat their mothers and sisters in the same way they treat other women? It is obvious that our view on respect of persons is quite warped.

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