• Making a man feel loved...
• Relationships the missing R
• The Discworld
• A city of thousand wonders
• The show starts early
• Samantha wins Miss working Girl crown
• Scene
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Making a man feel loved...

My darling daughter,

I am glad you replied my letter. A few days ago I came across a quotation which I thought I must share with you since it is about what a home should be. After all marriage is the first step in the building of a home, the foundation as it were of a home. A home, said the writer, is where you can talk out your problems and usually solve them, where you feel ten feet tall even if you are not! I think daughter that line caught my eye, for in a world where every success is counted in terms of money, or position or power, most people struggle in their routine jobs where they are just a name or sometimes only a job card number. No wonder they long to be recognized and feel important.

In a sense, daughter, why I often say that in keeping a marriage going it is the woman who is so very important is because it is she who makes the husband feel 'ten feet tall.' But if she belittles him, nags him, complains always that he is not ambitious, that the income he brings in with all his hard work is just a pittance, not sufficient to buy the many things the next door neighbour has, then ultimately he loses the joy of life and feels that he is just another unimportant person in the home. In the home the wife can make her young husband feel ten feet tall for, after all, when she decided to marry him did she not regard him as most special, the most important person in her life? That was not because he was rich or successful, it was just because he was the man she loved.

You will ask me, as you often do, why it is that I always say that a woman's role is important in sustaining a marriage. It is, I think, because essentially a woman is capable of a great love that is selfless, it is part of her inherent nature for she combines within herself the love of a mother and the love that is a giving of self. When a woman says, 'I love you', it comes with all its commitments and no reservations and I think, daughter, what ever the claims of a western world, the home was a happier place when the woman remained faithful to herself in making those who loved and needed her feel ten feet tall.

Ammi.

Relationships the missing R

Looking back into the distant past, I recall how ill equipped I was when I left school, my second home where everything was familiar, cosy and secure. I had years of the three Rs - reading, 'riting,'rithmetic. And in the final years, subjects like History, Government, English Literature and a large dose of that dead language - Latin. Now this input hardly prepared me for the business of handling new relationships as I moved into a mixed group of men and women drawn from all parts of the island from varying social strata.

I am very keen to add a 4th R to the 3Rs I mentioned earlier. The missing R is for RELATIONSHIPS. Today there is a whole science on how to handle your relationships and not only become comfortable with them but also enjoy them. I am reminded of the story of the Professor and the boatman. The Professor asked the boatman, 'Can you speak German?' The boatman said: 'No Sir.' Then the Professor asked 'Can you speak French?, 'No Sir', said the boatman. 'Have you read the Mahavamsa' asked the Professor. 'No Sir,' the boatman replied again. The exasperated Professor responded, 'You have lost half your life.' They sailed deeper into the sea, when the boat sprang a leak. Whereupon the boatman asked the Professor, 'Can you swim Sir?' And the Professor replied; 'No, I have not learned to swim.' The boatman replied: 'Sir. your whole life is about to be lost. Good- bye.'

I have so often been reminded of this story because a major part of my days is spent in meeting people in distress and helping them to handle their difficulties, I realise that the school curriculum has in the past done little to prepare the individual to cope with the real issues of life. The 4th R is really long overdue. I am also aware that the new curriculum which is more student centred has time devoted towards developing life skills. However, I am not too sure whether these are the life skills that I am referring to. I am wondering whether enough time has been spent on developing what I think is the most important skill of all- "coping skills" on which relationships are built. When I refer to coping skills, I am talking of the way in which we handle our emotions, mainly those negative emotions like anger, fear, impatience, hate, hurt, disappointment, sorrow, greed, false pride, low self-esteem etc. And unless we are able to handle these negative emotions, we are unlikely to be able to develop satisfactory relationships.

Life revolves round relationships. In school, in the workplace, at home, in the neighbourhood. Relationships with men and women, between girls and boys, parents and children, students and teachers. Contentment and happiness is built on this skill and not on a bank balance or material possessions, academic laurels or even one's social status, as many people seem to think. The school curriculum has for centuries overlooked this need and as a result many people appear to miss the joy of life because they have not had the opportunity to acquire decision making or coping skills. Fortunately, some are genetically endowed with this skill and can develop it further with a little help from parents. However, in an age when parents too have little time the situation is becoming more and more unhealthy. This is an area where growth is never complete, it just has to go on till the day you die.

So let me very briefly share some thoughts about building healthy relationships, whether it is in the workplace, your place of employment or in the marriage situation which of course many of you will enter sooner or later because the institution of marriage is yet another workplace and no longer a bed of roses or the stuff that fairy tales are made of. There are five areas which you need to be sensitive to, if you are to work for personal growth which can ensure satisfying relationships.

Firstly, I would say that your capacity to be non-judgemental and accepting will be a definite asset. To respect people the way they are rather than trying to bend them to suit you and your personal attitudes and values, without lowering the standards you set for yourself. Relationships often break up because many of us have brittle emotions and rigid standards. To win the co-orperation, support and respect of those with whom you work with, is a skill that is not easily acquired. But becoming sensitive to this area is the beginning of personal growth.

Secondly, are you able to take a balanced approach - head and heart in the face of a crisis? Or do you often go to pieces - shattered and hurt? There will be many situations which will bring you pain of mind and an ache in your heart. A person who is only head, or only heart, can rarely have a healthy relationship. Where do YOU stand? Once again, self awareness is the beginning of change. Most people have to strive towards acquiring this balanced approach.

Thirdly, have you thought of working for psychological freedom? Or are you content to be in a prison of your own making? Many people suffer from what is now commonly referred to as the "what will people say syndrome?" Because of this disability they do not have the courage of their convictions to act according to their conscience. All the negative emotions that I referred to at the outset, can place you in chains unless you are willing to work for personal freedom. People who are in chains do not get any joy out of their relationships. It will only be a facade and a performance for the benefit of society.

Fourthly, are you willing to switch onto the "growth mode"? Unlike physical growth, psychological growth goes on forever, until death in fact. The simple realisation that we have to keep growing and work for personal growth, will ensure for you the magic of life. Today there are many interesting programmes designed not only for young adults but for anyone who has the desire to grow and reach out for contentment. You too can get in touch with a programme before life gets too complicated.

Finally, let me re-affirm that life is essentially beautiful. But you must work hard at keeping it that way. Nothing beautiful is ever preserved or achieved without effort. I wish to leave you with a thought that has inspired me over the years. I remember the words that one of our Principals in the 50's left in our ears as we left school. "Take a delight in simple things and mirth that hath no bitter springs."

Please take a little time to enjoy the gifts of nature and avoid as far as possible, the hungry call of the material world. A call which can trap you and imprison you for life. Take time to build relationships. Build bridges not walls. Make love not war.

Extracts from a speech made at the Ladies College, Department of Vocational Studies awards ceremony.

The Discworld

Look into the inky black depths of space...can you see it? Your brain tells you it cannot be but your eyes know what they damn well see. See...Great A'Tuin, the world turtle swims through the void, eyes as large as moons, gigantic flippers moving lazily as it propels itself inexorably on. On its nova-tanned, meteor-pocked carapace it bears the four great elephants that carry on their shoulders the Discworld.

The Discworld! Home to a billion squabbling, bickering souls, a place of magic and advanced thaumotology, filled with many strange lands unseen by the eyes of man (except Rincewind the Wizard), divine inspiration of the British author Terry Pratchett.

Pratchett wrote the first of the twenty two-so-far Discworld novels in 1987 and became a rarity overnight: rare in the fact that the series is one of the most widely read comedies world-wide whilst possessing cult status amongst its hard-core followers (of whom your Vulture is a tattooed, card carrying member). The Discworld is flat, with a dense land mass in its central area surrounded by two great bodies of water, The Rimwards Ocean and The Hubwards Ocean. In the precise centre of the Disc rises the majestic Cori Celesti, home to the Disc gods. The gods - amongst whose number are Blind Io, the Chief god, Offler, the crocodile god whose speech is permanently impeded by its huge tusks, and P'Tang P'Tang, an overgrown newt god of a remote heathen tribe - spend their time bickering and playing games with the lives of men, usually in the dice-and-tokens format.

Chief amongst the cities of the Discworld is the sprawling twin-metropolis of Ankh-Morpork. Prosperous Ankh and pestilent Morpork are separated by the river Ankh which usually "lurks at the bottom of its bed like a student at around 11am" and on which rowers usually wear spiked shoes and sprint to the finish carrying their boats. In fact, the Ankh is the only river on which a chalk outline can be drawn around a dead body. Ankh-Morpork is ruled by a patrician, Havelock Vetinari, a black-clad, raven-like man whose chief weapon is the fact that whilst things aren't exactly perfect with him around, they would be a lot worse with him gone. Vetinari's reign has brought with it a lasting international peace, mostly because his foreign policy has consisted largely of bribing his city's enemies and lending vast sums to them at punitive interest.

The city is run by a number of guilds: The Assassins' Guild whose motto is Nil morituri sans lucre, The Thieves' Guild, to whom a modest annual premium will ensure freedom from muggings and a harsh penalty on all unlicensed thieves, The Fools' Guild, The Beggars' Guild etc etc. Law, such as it is, is maintained by the City Watch under the command of Sir Sam Vimes, former drunkard, descendant of a regicide and currently married to the richest woman in the city who spends her time tending to her "Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons". The Watch is an equal opportunity employer now and counts in its ranks Captain Carrot, a dwarf in all respects but the fact that he is two metres tall, Angua, a blonde babe whose only fault is an annoying tendency to turn into a werewolf once a month, Corporal Nobby Nobbs who has an affidavit to prove that he is -in all probability - human (although common opinion is that he was disqualified from the human race for shoving), Detritus the seven foot Troll, Dorfl, a Golem who can think for himself and Reg Shoe, a zombie and founder of the "Second Chance Club for the recently deceased". The city is big on Dwarf rights and Troll rights now and a careful eye is maintained by the Equal Heights Commission and the Silicon Anti-Defamation League.

Pratchett's genius is in taking themes from history and literature and applying the Discworld mind to it. Subjects covered include "Hamlet", Rock 'n' Roll, The Phantom of the Opera, Australia (or on the Discworld, the unknown continent "XXXX" featuring the cities of "Bugarup" and "Didjabringabeeralong" where there are no poisonous snakes because they've all been eaten by the spiders) and even Santa Claus - "The Hogfather" on the Disc. Add to this 90 degree thinking Pratchett's hilarious style of writing and skill with anthropomorphication (Death, for example, may only be a 7'2" skeleton in a black robe, but that's not to say he doesn't have a heart [metaphorically of course]:- he loves animals, especially cats, likes a spot of fun and a drink or forty seven and he can usually murder a good curry; Death's only regret is that people aren't usually glad to see him...), all of which combine to make the Discworld series one of the most enjoyable comedies around today. I would recommend that any first timer read the series in order. Each of the books do stand on their own as individual tales but many characters resurface regularly and the development of their personalities along the way should not be missed.

The first novel in the series - The Colour of Magic - introduces the reader to one of the most enduring anti-heroes, Rincewind (BMgc, Unseen University [failed]). Rincewind is a wizard...of sorts...well he's got a spangly red robe and a pointy hat with "wizzard" embroidered on it. Rincewind keeps finding adventures wherever he goes which he feels is somewhat inconsiderate of adventure because all Rincewind wants is a quiet spot in a pub and the occasional bag of chips. Instead he spends most of his time running away from demons from the dungeon dimensions, kangaroos, gigantic apes, dragons, bounty hunters, sharks and boxes on legs (actually only one box on legs which he can't get away from because it belongs to him and has a tendency to splat things that get in its way). Rincewind is particularly good at running away simply because, as he always says, the important question is not where to run to, but what to run from,and in Rincewind's case this is most things he meets.

In Equal Rites we meet The Vulture's favourite character, Granny Weatherwax the witch. Granny is the head witch of a coven in the Ramtop Mountains and also very possibly the most skilled witch that ever was. Granny believes in "headology" which she says is far more effective than psychology and her greatest regret is that no matter how many sickly sweet cups of tea she drinks her teeth are still in perfect condition and no matter how many toads she rubs on her face her skin is still as smooth as a baby's bottom with nary a wart in sight. Granny can outstare the sun and tame unicorns; she's defeated death in a game of snap and borrowed the collective conscious of a swarm of bees. Still, as she always says, there's nothing more important in life than soft paper in the privy...

Most Vijitha Yapa bookshops have a selection of Discworld novels, the latest of which is Carpe Jugulum.

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