The Fifth Column

10th October 1999

Small jackets and big boots

FRIDAY- It is really difficult to keep pace with these Americans in New York because you really have to be on time; or else they will ignore you even if you are the President of a country. So, I let Kadi do most of the talking - the poor chap hardly gets any publicity at home anyway. And I hope no one notices that I wore the same saree that I wore for the SAARC conference to the UN too- It's not that I don't have enough sarees; but then, most of the jackets need altering and who has the time to get that done?

SATURDAY- Ranil has tried to stage a publicity stunt by getting on the Ruhunu Kumari, they tell me. Probably he thinks I couldn't do it because of all the security considerations. Must ask Fowzie whether he can't arrange something like that for me too. But of course, must get him to find a relatively empty train and fill it with 'our' people who will ask all the right questions so that I will look good when it is shown on TV!

SUNDAY- Somebody has caught Mangala doing a terrible thing- clutching a Buddha statue from its neck and its all over the newspapers, I hear. I saw the picture and it is quite a good one really. I wonder what they will want now- Mangala's resignation, perhaps. I know Mangala does some silly things but he shouldn't do them publicly because he embarrasses us all, like when he said my security people assaulted the press chaps. But let them say what they want, if they ask for his resignation I will appoint him Minister of Buddha Sasana!

MONDAY- Jeyaraj is becoming too big for his boots accusing my officials and saying that Mangala's newspapers are only good for its advertisements. The latter is true, of course, but you shouldn't say that publicly, should you? I must remind him that if he tries to get too smart he may not get nomination next year and that should keep him quiet, shouldn't it?

TUESDAY- Ashraff and Pathi are still at each other's throats, Bala informs me. The trouble with them is that both of them think the government cannot do without them. If I had a choice I would get rid of both of them, really but that would have to wait until after the election or else Ranil will try to grab them. For the moment, must promise both that they would get better ministries next time around and that ought to keep them in check. But they should be made ministers without portfolio, really!

WEDENSDAY- I have to miss that meeting of investors in Colombo because I am still here. I hear Ranil attended and made a big speech. In a way its good I did not attend because I would have been late and Ranil would have made a big issue out of that too. But I heard that he said we should talk to the Tigers. Maybe I should invite him to talk to them together- that way I can get rid of that Lalith chap trying to get some publicity for himself…

THURSDAY- Seeni Bola informs me from somewhere in Nepal that we have won the matches against the Aussies. I asked him how he managed that and he says it is with a little help from the Weather Gods and the Umpires. I asked him whether we can continue in the same manner and he said probably not because one of the umpire chaps was retiring. I told him that was good and asked him to tell the umpire chap to contact me if ever he needed a job in retirement- there's always a vacancy for the right person as Elections Commissioner, isn't there?