How romantic are you?

By Tania Fernando

Let's be honest, though. It's not just a question of having your fantasies fulfilled, it's also to do with the fact that one or two of your pals have actually been lucky enough to find such guys and have regaled you with tales of how romantic they are. Which begs the question; are we expecting too much, looking for guys with romance in their bones?

From childhood, we grow up on this steady diet of Cinderella stories and then pass through the Mills and Boon stage. Older and wiser, we still can't resist those tender, melting movies like Sleepless in Seattle or While You Were Sleeping where romance wins through over all obstacles, if you only follow your heart.

So while little boys are identifying with cricket and gun-toting cowboys, we girls are playing with dolls and later dreaming of this tall, handsome, charming man who will sweep us off our feet. And while for some men, romance comes easily and naturally, for others being romantic can be a difficult task. 

Ask a man the simple question "are you romantic?" and he'll look at you with something akin to shock or horror. The question actually has them stumped. On the other hand, ask a girl and she'll probably gush on about how romantic she is. 

An unknown portion of this romantic need in women is probably related to genetic influence. Beyond this, the characteristic features probably result from differences in the early experiences of girls and boys and their different biological needs. 

"I like to have a candle-lit dinner and champagne, but no one has actually called me romantic," mused Sanjaya. According to him, women expect too much from the whole romance business. 'If I love a woman, I don't have to keep telling her that," he added. But don't we all like hearing it?

Chandana believes he is a romantic, but says romance for him also depends on the mood. "It's natural for a woman to expect a man to be romantic." Being romantic also depends on the receiver and their understanding, because it varies from person to person and how they look at it, he adds. 

"What's romantic for one might not be for another. I might think that I did something romantic but the receiver might not perceive it like that."

"I wouldn't call myself romantic just because I send someone flowers. It could be equally romantic to pick up something on the road-side which I think my girl will like," he says.

"I think it's unfair for women to expect men to be romantic," said Shalika. He, however, admits that he does make the effort. He once sent his love, flowers for seven days in a row. "But women shouldn't expect it and be disappointed in the event that their guy is not romantic," he cautions.

But does a romantic person need to have a partner who can respond to this side of her? Nadine believes so. "I'm definitely a romantic and would feel totally un-nurtured if my boyfriend was not. "However, practical he might be, I won't be happy inside. Romance is necessary in a relationship," she said.

When you get love you know how to give love and there is nothing wrong with being demonstrative about your feelings, she explains. "We are emotionally and biologically built differently and we need to cater to a man's need and they should cater to ours."

In our society, romance seems inevitably linked with the courtship period and many couples complain that with marriage, romance flies out the window. 

Take the case of Chris who is married and has a child. "After marriage, things get taken for granted, " he says. "I find myself giving but not getting anything in return." 

Channa who has also been married for over five years said that he and his wife too were romantics before marriage, but things have now taken a different turn. "We are still romantic, but to a great extent it has reduced and I think we have taken each other for granted."

Nilmini who has been married for about eight years and has two children said that her husband was not romantic. "I remember the only time he bought me flowers was when I kept telling him that Valentine's Day was coming," she said, adding that now with the kids they hardly even have the time to go out.

"He does remember my birthday, and I remember one particular birthday he gave me a book and another it was a set of garden tools," Nilmini said laughing. 

What most of us fail to understand is that we all need to make an effort to keep the romance alive and well in our relationships. You don't need to be a poet or write a love letter; as long as you do what comes from the heart, you can't go wrong.

The dilemma that most men seem to face is that they find it hard to express themselves. 

But when it comes to being romantic it isn't so much what we do, but that we try to do something - anything at all. Even a lame attempt beats no attempt at all. 

So for all those who let their fear of looking silly or their lack of romantic flair stop them from at least trying to be romantic, quit worrying and start doing! That's the wonderful thing about romance - even if you come off looking a bit crazy, it just adds to the charm.

Now go out there and put a little romance into your relationship and see the difference!!

Tips for romance

* Approach the problem from a different perspective. Consider how you want your partner to feel and then work on it.

* Consider your partner's likes and dislikes and what would be meaningful to them.

* Keep your ears and eyes open. Your partner might give you a clue as to what they find romantic. Sometimes the very things they do for you are a good indication of what they would like you to do for them.

* Keep in mind that romance is more about feeling and emotions than it is about things. Mood, spontaneity and speaking from the heart are much more important than anything you could ever buy in a store.

*And if you; find it difficult to express your feelings, it's important to try, and try often. Your partner will love you for it and your relationship will flourish as a result.