Take charge of your life

• Acknowledge any problem that is controlling your life. Problems with chemical dependence, overeating, overspending, gambling, overreacting, rigidity, perfectionism, as well as emotional problems like anxiety and depression can rob us of our energy and keep us from self-fulfilment. The first step to recovery from any problem is to stop denying its power over us.

• Don't let negative emotions destroy you. Making a habit of being preoccupied with dark and gloomy feelings puts out the spark of life, which allows us to thrive. If we react with hostility or withdraw because others have hurt us, we ourselves add to our pain. We can work our way through the negative emotions that threaten to cripple us by asking for help when we need it and by resolving that our lives will be positive and productive.

• Cultivate the habit of happiness. We are alive. We need to give thanks for all the good things we tend to take for granted. We need to nurture grateful, happy feelings within ourselves. We need to let our bodies speak the language of happiness by putting a spring in our step, a note of pleasure in our voice, a smile on our face. People have become happy individuals by learning to appreciate their own talents and learning the wisdom behind the expression 'live and let live'. It is frustrating and exhausting to try to control others' behaviour, to force them into preconceived moulds.

• Don't let your problems undermine you. Problems bother us only to the degree we permit. We have to make it a point not to let our problems bog us down. We need to look for guidance, ask friends for suggestions, consider all possible options, and then put in place strategies to resolve the problems that confront us. If our plans work out well, we'll be pleased at the outcome. If they don't turn out the way we want, let us be content in knowing that we followed a reasonable course.

• Believe that you are good. We are what we think. Many years of negative conditioning may have caused us to think little of ourselves. Our poor self-image may have led to poor attitudes and conduct. But feeling worthless prevents us from taking charge of our lives and enjoying the successes which are possible for us. We are blessed with unique talents, and are truly gifted persons. The harm we have suffered at our own hands and those of others does not diminish our goodness and dignity. If we believe that we are good, this belief will become the foundation of a relaxed and productive life.

• Appreciate the wonders of life. Life can be ordinary or it can be great - it's what we make it. We need to get in touch with the wide-eyed child within us, to be amused at funny things, to be awed by the natural splendour that surrounds us, to be impressed with the kind acts people perform day in and day out. We must learn to appreciate and take advantage of the opportunities life holds out to us. We cannot get deliverance from suffering or monotony, but we can move beyond them to seize the wonderful possibilities present in each new day.

• Let love change the course of your world. Let us love ourselves, accept the love of others, and generously offer to love them. All religions and faith speak of love as patient, kind, not prone to jealousy, rejoicing with the good, and destined to last forever. By graciously giving and receiving love, we will create a kinder and far more secure world.

• Nurture your emotional and spiritual growth. Life is an exciting unfolding, during which all beings grow towards completion. The growth depends on experiencing and working through the whole range of emotions. We need to learn how to express all our emotions in appropriate and productive ways. As we grow emotionally and spiritually, we will become increasingly more independent and fulfilled. The unrealistic expectation that someone else will take care of our needs will disappear. And we will find within ourselves the resources necessary to love and grow in the real world.

• Say good-bye to the past. It is gone forever. We must stop beating ourselves for mistakes we have made. Friends, relatives and acquaintances are often very willing to let go of past hurts. If not, the problem is no longer ours but theirs. We must put the past behind us by forgiving ourselves and treating ourselves with the same kindness we expect from our neighbours. Then we can direct our energies to living this day well.

• Give and receive love freely. All love returns two-fold. Loving strengthens us, makes us lovable; it also enriches those to whom it is given. The love we share as spouses helps us to learn who we are and truly appreciate one another. The love we give our children causes us to recognize ourselves as good parents and helps our children to know themselves as lovable individuals. The love we give to and receive from friends is a source of support and encouragement as we face life's challenges.

• Make enthusiasm your daily exercise. We need to be joyful and expectant. Our interactions with others, our work, leisure, prayer, problem-solving time, solitude - each provides us with limitless possibilities for satisfaction. We need to acknowledge the positive potential in our lives and make enthusiastic responses to opportunities. 

• Give yourself credit for what you have to offer. We are talented and capable individuals with much to give others. True humility requires honestly acknowledging the abilities and positive personal qualities we each possess.

• Take responsibility for your own journey and help others with theirs. To progress in our journey towards a more positive life, we must cultivate humility to ask for help and to welcome others' insights. At the same time, we need to value the unique characteristics and potential we possess and to share our gifts and wisdom with others.

Take heart

Given time, patience, and the plan of action outlined we can change our habits, our attitudes, our very lives.

The Sri Lanka Anti- Narcotics Association is actively involved in eradicating chemical dependence and is working towards a drug-free society.

For further information contact SLANA, 121, Kynsey Road, Colombo-8. Tel: 688311,

e-mail: slana@sri.lanka.net or visit their web site at www.slana.lk

Clothes Line

You are special no matter what

I was deeply touched when I read your letter about your hurt feelings.

At this point I should say that, I too am a mother of a little girl of five. And to me she is the most important person in my life. Nothing is as important to me as she is and there is nothing in this world I would not do for her. 

I was shocked when you had mentioned in the article about your disability and how God considers such persons to be his special creation. I think so too. To God, you are more important and special than any of his normal creations. It is nice to know that people like you do exist and despite your hurt, think that, despite how anyone may feel about you, even your own mother, that you still believe yourself special in the sight of God. God loves you - he has made you for a very special reason and I am sure he will show you why in his own way and own time. 

Your mother on the other hand has failed. After all, she is only human. I read somewhere that all children are angels of God sent down for a specific purpose and that God chooses another angel on earth to look after his angel child. This angel on earth is known to God as a Mother. But, there are times when even Angels in heaven fail God - so how much more do angels on earth fail? We can only forgive them. Everybody is not blessed with a little angel from heaven - only those chosen by God. And those who are chosen should appreciate their blessing and thank God for it, by taking care of the angels sent to them. 

I never fail to tell my little girl that I love her or that she is special. I don't wait for an occasion to tell her this, I tell her whenever I feel like it, anytime of the day. This is something that comes naturally to me - but in the case of some, expressing or showing their love is sometimes hard and unrealistic. Maybe your mother is one of those people. So why don't you ask her or tell her how you feel. You are after-all a very big part of her and I simply cannot believe she could be this way. If she is doing it deliberately, then you have my sympathy. Going to Church and showing the world that you are a Christian does not bring you blessings from above - she is only making a mockery of God and his teachings.

How can she claim to love God, when she does not show her own child how much she loves her, she is turning her back on God, not you. 

So take heart, Cee Jay - I think you are special and you will make God proud by being patient - only pray! God works in miraculous ways. 

God bless you!

SBG.

So, what are you going to do now?

And the big question is; what now? For those of us who have no desire to get into a local uni and then get your degree when you're like 35, this question will decide our future.

These days every conversation I have with someone or other seems to end up at this topic. For example, let's say I'm having a normal conversation with a person. He or she will usually ask, "So how was the exam?" And after listening to me complain for 10 minutes about how tough it was, his or her next question will always ALWAYS be "And what are you planning to do now. Law? Marketing? Management?" I usually start off with "Well ... I'm not sure...." Now this is the point when the person's pleasant look turns into one of pure horror and shock (like the reaction you get when you tell your neighbor you've run over his cat).

But you know what the sad truth is? I have no clue as to what I should do next! Even if I did, it's not only ME who decides MY future. Ohh no, my family has their say in the matter too.

Maybe 1 should consider studying Marketing. But no, my dear father thinks it's a waste of time. He would be happier if I did Accountancy (yeah right!) or Law (the only law I can think of is L.A. Law). Maybe I should head onto an overseas uni to continue my higher studies. But no, mom is horrified of the idea of sending her "baby girl" thousands of miles away alone. Besides she thinks I should consider "settling down" now that I'm almost 20. For god's sake! Gimme a break!

Or maybe I should shave my head, go to monastery in the Himalayas and spend the rest of my life as a hermit! I'm desperate!

Angel Gurl

Content at last

I was in my early fifties when the devastating blow fell. Overnight, I was a widow. With five children, and no income, or pension to look forward to, I was stumbling from one problem to another. I fell into a dismal abyss of despondency. It was then that I learnt the bitterest lesson in my life. Forgotten and abandoned by my own kith and kin, it was only my children who stood by me. Together we overcame insurmountable difficulties, financially and otherwise to be what we are today.

I count my blessings and thank my children for providing me with the comfortable life I am enjoying now. I have found comfort and consolation in my reading, gardening and meditation and above all my adored grandchildren.

R. Perera 

The marriage conflict 

I am one person who was anxious to 'attain the qualification of Mrs' and started pestering my fiance to marry me, as soon as we completed one year of our courtship. From then onwards we could never enjoy our time together as it was filled with arguments, me trying to make arrangements for the wedding and him wanting desperately to put-it-off. 

Finally we are married and have no major problems with each other. But it's nothing glorious like I expected it to be. It has only brought in more responsibilities for both of us and less time to enjoy ourselves. 

Lots of people speak so highly of 'marriage' so young girls get the impression that their lives are incomplete until they are married. When you are going out with some one, every body (including your parents) keeps on asking when you two are going to get married. They make you get the feeling that carrying on a relationship for too long, is damaging. Believe me! All this is rubbish. The nicest time of your life is the time you are single and free. 

May be once you have met the right person, built up a very strong relationship with him, the two of you can consider getting married. That is only when you both feel you have enjoyed life, want to settle down and have a family of your own. 

So, girls! Please don't be in a hurry. Don't get married to please society. I assure you that there is no magic in marriage to make you happy ever after. It may not even make you one bit happier than you are now. 

Shiromi 

A fairy

K. Dhammika