Satellite: "I had to crash into the vehicle because I was late. And I was late only because of the effects of the seventeen years 'dooshanaya' and 'beeshanaya' of the previous regime...

Green Man: " There will be many more such crashes in the future on the difficult road that we are travelling and we should not be disheartened by these setbacks..."

Mr.P: "We reserve the right to crash into vehicles. Despite the MOU, Colombo has yet to satisfy some of its conditions and until that happens and our rights are recognised, we cannot give up the right to crash..."

The Southerner: "I am forced to take responsibility for the crash because the Queen can then blame me for it and place her brother on the Chair..."

The Norwegians:¡¨ The crash occurred in a cordial atmosphere and we must now work forward towards a settlement..."

The Indians: "We don't care what happens after the crash; just make sure that those responsible for the murder of our leaders don't get away with it and you give us Trincomalee..."

The Americans: "We don't care either, but we will issue a statement condemning the crash..."

The moderate Tamil parties: "Did a crash occur? We will have to ask the Tigers before we say anything..."

The General: "I did not crash into the vehicle. These are false allegations made against me by my political enemies because of my popularity..."

Avamangala: "I did not crash into the vehicle. These are false allegations made against me by my political enemies because of my popularity..."

The Professor: ¨The impact materialised owing to the economic adversities imposed upon the masses by the preceding regime and this regime will enact every justifiable remedial measure to ensure there will be no replication of this event..."

The Trading Man: "We have no control over these crashes because they are determined by the prices of crude oil in the world market..."

The Energetic Man: ¨Even though the crash occurred because there was no electricity, that is due to the fault of the previous regime. Yet, I can guarantee it will never happen again and if it does, I will resign..."

The Shipping Man: "Crashes can sometimes be used to your advantage; it doesn't matter as long as I can hold on to the ships and ports and dole out enough jobs..."

We Wee: "The crash occurred because the red light was misinterpreted. Red should be the colour of progress. When we assume power we will change all traffic lights so that red means 'go' and green means 'stop'..."

Bahu: "We will be demonstrating against the crash opposite the US embassy as soon as we find enough people so that we wouldn't be outnumbered by the policemen on duty..."

The Cricket Jockey: "I am empowered to crash into anything even if the Attorney General says I can't because I am more qualified and experienced than anyone else to do this job..."

And finally, the Air Force man: "I am used to flying planes. So when I saw a light approaching from the right side of the road, I shifted to the left and avoided an accident; when I saw a light approaching from the left side of the road, I shifted to the right and avoided an accident. Then I saw two lights on both sides of the road, so I went between them!..."

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