Something
in common
The course of true love never did run smooth and now scientists
know why.
Love, according
to a new theory, is not a matter of lightning bolts or raw sexual
desire but of pornography and politics.
Its proponents,
who claim to be able to predict marital happiness, say society has
the recipe for love all wrong: opposites do not attract. Instead,
the only way to a life of happiness together is to share a single
opinion, or more specifically, 25 of them.
'Society today
goes around the matter of finding love in the completely wrong way,'
said Dr. Glenn Wilson, a psychologist at the University of London
and co-author of The Science of Love . 'We tend to dismiss people
who don't fit the blueprint of perfection in our heads but our research
proves that true love is doomed unless we have a number of what
might appear to be mundane and obscure things in common. 'There
is obviously an area of love that involves chemistry and animal
attraction,' Wilson said. 'But our research found 24 areas where
- unless the couples felt almost identically - their relationship
would be in trouble before long.'
Wilson has
spent two decades applying the science of psychometric testing to
the art of love, and devised the Compatibility Quotient, or CQ test
by studying the most severe causes of marital friction on test couples
and whittling down the list to 25 vital areas. He is so confident
of the value of his CQ test that he and Jon Cousins, the former
creative director of an advertising company, have founded Cybersuitors.com,
an internet dating agency which uses the theory to match clients.
Each applicant
is asked their opinion on each one of the 25 areas, and given five
different answers to choose from. Each reply is compared with those
of every other member on the database, and a list is produced of
those with most similarities. 'We have found that the CQ score is
a virtual predictor of marital happiness,' said Cousins, who found
love himself on the site shortly after it was launched recently.
'Even though I helped devise the test, I would not necessarily have
applied such a cut-and-dried approach to my own life until it happened
almost by accident.'
After completing
his own test, Cousins found he shared a CQ score of 134 with another
member, 34 points higher than the 100 indicating average compatibility.
'I could not resist contacting her to see if this magic formula
would work for me and, although it is still early days, it is certainly
a deeper relationship than any I have been in for a long time,'
he said.
Nick Auchincloss
and his girlfriend, Vicky, met on the site in mid-April. 'I have
usually gone for girls because of an emotional and instant attraction,'
he said. 'I was sceptical about this test because it asked things
I would never have thought I cared about, either in myself or my
partner, but which I have now realised are pretty important to a
relationship if you want it to last.'
Auchincloss
contacted Vicky after their responses scored 138. 'Our relationship
is already stronger than my usual experiences,' he said. 'Knowing
we feel the same about these basic issues gives me an objective
trust in her individually and in us together,' he said.
Wilson admitted
that although it was important for couples to share a range of common
interests and values - including views on the type of relationship
they wanted, children, sexual fidelity and leisure activities -
he was surprised by some of the areas in which concordance was vital
for long-term happiness. 'Differing opinions on pornography and
politics were most likely to spell disaster in any long-term relationship.
Women were eight times more likely to admit their relationship was
unhappy if their view on pornography differed from their partner's,'
he said. 'The big issue with men was if their woman was more, or
less, experienced in bed than they were: that spelt long-term unhappiness
for 40 per cent of men.'
Couples who
like similar food were three times likelier to stay happy than those
whose taste buds clashed, while those agreeing on what to watch
on TV were three and a half times more likely to experience marital
bliss than those who vie for control of the remote.
Also vital
for conjugal harmony was agreement over the value of chivalry -
'that's our way of discovering what they feel about feminism,' said
Wilson - and a shared desire for pets.
There is, however,
one area where it was better to disagree: alcohol.
Cousins said:
'Partnerships where one member drank heavily and the other abstained
were deeply content. 'While other differences seemed to lead inevitably
to unhappiness in long-term relationships, differences in drinking
habits brought couples closer together.'
(London Observer)
Bliss
or bust-ups: the three minute test
Here are 10 questions from
the Compatibility Quotient test. Answer each one, noting down each
score from one to five. Add up your total and compare your score
with your partner's, subtracting the smaller number from the larger.
The maximum possible difference is 40. An average difference is
25 to 35. Below 20 and you're very compatible, below 10 and you're
soulmates: book the church now. Don't forget, this is just for fun...
1.
How would you say your IQ compares with other people's?
i. I'd describe myself as quite bright
ii. I'm somewhat more intelligent than average
iii. My intelligence is about average
iv. I am a bit below average
v. I think of myself as a little dull really
2. How would you rate your appearance?
i. I think I'm very attractive
ii. I'd call myself rather attractive
iii. Compared with other people, I'd say I'm average
iv. I'd describe myself as rather plain
v. I'm very plain, really
3. What sort of sex drive do you have?
i. My sex drive is pretty non-existent
ii. I'd say my sex drive is reasonably low
iii. I'd describe my sex drive as about average
iv I think my sex drive is above average
v. I'm absolutely insatiable
4. Which of these types of TV programmes do you like most?
i. Most of all, I like game shows
ii. I couldn't do without soap operas
iii. I especially enjoy cop shows and comedies
iv. My preference is serious drama
v. I'm always keen to watch news programmes and documentaries
5. What is your view of chivalry?
i. I think it's old-fashioned nonsense
ii. It's pretty undesirable
iii. It depends - it's OK sometimes
iv. It's a desirable quality
v. I'd say it was an essential part of life
6. Which of the following best describes your view of drinking?
i. It's completely unacceptable
ii. It's OK for other people, but not for me
iii. I drink occasionally
iv. I drink quite often
v. To be honest, I think I drink a bit too much
7. How would you describe your political views?
i. I'd describe myself as being far left
ii. You could label me left of centre
iii. I'm pretty neutral really
iv. I'm not interested
v. The best description of me would be far right
8. What do you think of pornography?
i. I think it's disgusting
ii. To be honest, I prefer to avoid it
iii. It's OK sometimes
iv. It's harmless fun really
v. I actually think it's a great turn on
9. How experienced are you in bed?
i. I am still a virgin
ii. To be honest, I'm rather inexperienced
iii. I've had no complaints so far
iv. I would class myself as an experienced lover
v. I'd say I'm really hot stuff
10. How do you feel about keeping pets?
i. I hate them (or am allergic to them)
ii. I don't really like them
iii. Some I like, others I don't
iv. I enjoy them if it's practical and acceptable where I live
v. I can't imagine life without a pet
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