The Sunday Times Mirror - Why do we watch them?

Welcome ladies and gentlethings, to the nominations for the worst, most truly horrible, absurdly bad movies ever made.

Due to the hate, virulence and general contempt exhibited on this page, we must hereby wash our hands of any responsibility. You see, we may agree, but we did not say it ourselves… instead we scrounged around and by a totally random selection (a.k.a taking the answers of anyone who actually responded to our desperate sms’) we put together a list of the nominees.

Note: In an attempt to safeguard their individual lives and limbs we have identified our nominators only by their first names. Also in some cases, you will note that more than one person has nominated a certain flick. Either way (rubbing hands gleefully together), let the show begin.

“Aaaaand the nominees are….”

Nominated by: Anushan and Nanda
Starring: Jenny McCarthy, Eddie Thomas, Carmen Electra
Plot: A jilted photographer sets off on a mission to get back at her philandering model boyfriend. Utter humiliation follows – memorably in the supermarket menstruation scene.
Comments: Having understandably expected more from Jenny and Carmen, this nominator challenges anyone to find a movie to compete with Dirty Love.
“It was like someone had too much money and they had nothing to do with it,” says Anushan, who suffered right through to the end. There, there. You have our sympathies.

Nominated by: Menaka
Starring: Gary Oldman, Matthew McConaughey, Kate Beckinsale
Plot: A normal guy tries to keep his dwarf family secret from his girlfriend. Then she gets pregnant, he freaks and finally she falls in love with his pint-sized brother.
Comments: “Shh…Don’t say ‘dwarfs’ say ‘little people’. There are dwarfs everywhere, and none of them were called Dopey or Sneezy… it’s just too unnerving,” says Menaka.

Nominated by: Rehan
Starring: Pamela Anderson
Plot: This movie follows the adventure of Barb Wire – the owner of a bar and an efficient bounty hunter.
Comments: The only consolation it seems is that Pamela’s wardrobe consists entirely of leather. “It’s just an excuse for Pamela Anderson to prance around nude… Why waste money renting the movie when you could download that for free?”
Men, I tell you.

Nominated by: Vajra and Sean
Starring: Bela Lugosi
Summary:
A group of aliens think they can conquer earth by resurrecting corpses from a cemetery.
Comments: “Bad acting, bad sets, bad special effects…and the fact that Bela Lugosi (who died after only two days of filming) is replaced by a younger, taller actor with a cape covering his face [brilliant disguise],” says Sean, “it’s sooo bad, it’s good.”

Nominated by: Vajra
Starring: George Clooney and Chris O’ Donnell
Plot: Batman and Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City.
Comments: ‘A pain in the ice.’ This film was so very, very bad that it not only bombed at the box office, and was billed ‘the worst superhero movie of all time,’ it also has had the star George Clooney saying he would refund people’s money if they stopped him on the street and said they had paid to see it.

Nominated by: Dayani, Nanda
and Timothy
Starring: No one you know.
Plot: An alien from a race dying of a disease crashes on Earth and assumes the body of a human. She then proceeds to take blood from other humans to send back to her planet.
Things get complicated when she starts to feel human emotions and other aliens show up to exterminate her. Her only hope lies with a curious and helpful doctor.
Comments: Nominated “because you could actually see the strings that held up the spaceships, and the people who were supposed to be dead crawling off as soon as the focus was off them! Didn’t the guys who made it watch it even once?” asks Nanda. Timothy adds that the ‘dead people’ were also seen crawling back on and dying again.

Nominated by: Kalpika and Subha
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.
Plot: Romantic tale of a rich girl and poor boy who meet on the ill-fated voyage of the ‘unsinkable’ ship.
Comments: Boo hoo. The words, ‘my heart will go on,’ still have the power to strike fear in my heart and send me fleeing from the room. “I had a real tough time picking between Last Days, Titanic and Larry the cable guy,” says Kalpika. So, unbiased as we are, we made the decision for him.

Nominated by: Subha and Rehan
Starring: Halle Berry and Benjamin Bratt
Plot: A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.
Comments: This is another one of those leather things, isn’t it? Sure it’s hot Halle, but I would’ve gladly passed on this one.

One of our nominators had a tough time picking which movie she thought ought to make the list. In the end she nominated Catwoman as the worst film over Crossroads simply because it had fewer reasons to be bad. “With all due respect, one didn’t expect too much with Britney Spears acting in a movie,” says Subha.