Times-they-are-a-changin’

Dear TPH,
I have a teenage daughter who chats on the computer all the time. I have heard that the Internet is not a safe environment for young children, but my daughter says she is only chatting with her friends. Recently she told me about a boy she met on the Internet and naturally I was worried. My daughter assures me that there are no dangers involved, but how can I know for sure?
G.N. (A worried mother)

Dear GN,
First of all, there is a mathematical probability that the 'boy' that your daughter is referring to is me, and if that is the case, I can assure you there is absolutely nothing to worry about because my intentions are pure and genuine. But if it's not me, then you can't be so sure.

Your question is so sharp that it split me right down the middle, dissecting even the pair of rimless glasses that sits uncomfortably on my nose. "How can I know for sure" is the million dollar question isn't it? I mean, most people go through their entire lives without knowing the answer to that one. For example, when my friend orders a vegetarian kottu at some god-forsaken kottu-joint in Bambalapitiya and the waiter assures him that there is not so much as a shred of egg whites in it, it's hard to ignore the unexpressed doubt in his face. How can he know that for sure?

Judging by the number of similar questions I get from readers, I am forced to assume that more Sri Lankans worry about the potentially negative aspects of the Internet than they do about the increasing number of really bad musicians in the country.

Statistically speaking, these half-rate musicians are a greater threat to the national security and territorial integrity of the country than terrorism, and they are a more serious interference in normal life than all the Internet crimes put together! But while on the subject of musicians, it may surprise you to know that anonymous chat partners are the new "Rock Stars" now.

I have heard of the times when most girls had posters of The Beatles or Elvis in their rooms (not so much of Bob Dylan though), but still, "Times They Are A-Changin'" and now those posters have been replaced by the cartoon-ish profile pictures of chat partners or some stranger from a social networking site.

The fact is, you can't really know for sure and perhaps that's a good thing at least as long as your daughter's real identity also remains unknown to them. It is hard to pass judgement on these Internet interactions for many reasons. In reality, we spend a significant portion of our time in front of the computer and naturally carry our social interactions with us as we migrate to the Internet. One can even argue that it is a relatively good and safe way to meet new people – especially it's easier to search out those with interests similar to your own.

Personally, I have met a few remarkable individuals online and exchanged valuable ideas with them about topics of mutual interest. In retrospect, I suppose most of those interactions would never have taken place if not for the Internet. But there is of course the darker side also. You have to take necessary precautions to keep your identity private and maintain a healthy level of scepticism about strangers and their intentions.

Then again, as in offline friendships and personal interactions, it also serves well for us to be open-minded and smart enough to show a degree of trust that is often necessary for those interactions to become meaningful.

The most important factor however is to understand what you are doing in relation to what you seek to gain by interacting with people whether they are old acquaintances or total strangers.

I suppose this is true of the online as well as the offline environment. The Internet is a very poor medium through which a person can expect to fulfil their emotional or social needs.

Trying to satisfy an emotional void by engaging yourself in a chat room or a social networking service is not only meaningless, but also very dangerous – as it makes you vulnerable. We as human beings need three dimensional audio, visual and physical stimulations over time in our communication and social interactions in order for them to facilitate the growth of meaningful relationships. The Internet cannot yet satisfy these factors. The Internet is however a good medium for intellectual discourse, the exchange of information and ideas, and new chat, email and social networking services are a good and effective way for old friends who have been displaced over distances and time, to keep in touch.
–TPH