Be the change you want to see

Many a dinner table and drawing room of urban Sri Lanka today undoubtedly echoes a sense of hopelessness and despair at the corruption, bureaucracy and lawlessness that has become a part of our paradise isle. Equally, we are very good at expressing our disappointment in the powers-that-be and the socio economic structures that seemingly appear to do nothing towards taking this country forward into the future.

And yet have we stopped to question ourselves and ask ourselves what we as so called educated professionals are doing about it. Immediately the response would be “but what can I do”, “how can I, a single individual, make a difference”. It is, however, the little steps we take each day that enable us to proceed on the journey we have set ourselves. It is the drops of water trickling from rivulets that flow down, meeting other such rivulets to form bigger streams that eventually make the gushing rivers and the reservoirs that are so essential to life. If the little drops of water and the rivulets didn’t think that their role and contribution was going to make a difference in the end, we would not have had rivers and reservoirs.

Today, the biggest problem facing the country is the value system that is being bred in our children and the youth. As parents become more and more visionary for their children and seek to live their lost dreams and aspirations, they begin to breed a generation of children that only want to win, that believe they must win no matter what, that are driving to reach the end irrespective of the means by which they get there.

In generations past we learnt the lessons of winning and losing on the playing field. We learnt to play hard, to give more than 100% of our time effort and energy, but we also learnt that only one person can win, and that usually was the best person. Our loss did not cause us to hate the party that won, it made us want to do better, train harder… our loss was not the end of the world, because as the saying goes “what mattered was not if you won or lost, but how you played the game”. To us the game was important, the sport was the focal point, the win or loss was by the side.

Today, the manifestations we are seeing in society irrespective of caste, gender age and position echoes the results of this competitive culture that we parents are creating for our children. Ask yourself when was the last time you allowed your child to play outdoors and get dirty and learn on the field the values of life? Have you banned TV and computer games in favour of outdoor play, of play in which and through which they learn, or is your ban of TV only for purposes of desk study and home work? Dear mother, dear father, your actions today will determine the adult your child grows into.

Are you prepared for the repercussions of your actions? Will you then take responsibility for the actions of your child? Or would you wash your hand off… you need to do your part in building a next level of youth and leaders for our country that you and I can be proud of.

Why is it that today when a relationship turns sour either one kills the other or commits suicide? Have you stopped to consider why when an argument is at hand, guns and knives are the trump cards that kids use to end the debate? How come that as adults we are only open to seeing things “from my eyes” in “my way?” Whatever happened to healthy discussions and debates? Have we not allowed and taught our children the realities of defeat, of rejection, of differing views and of tolerance?

Today, many working parents are at the mercy of their children… they trade love and time for material gifts. Mother Theresa said the breakdown of love happens in the home where acceptance is not given. Whilst this maybe a temporary solution which I must confess at times I am also guilty of…bringing a Pizza when we have to go out for a dinner or function, we must be mindful of the messages we give our children. It is the experiences they pick up at home and in school that would enable them to sift out in their little minds as to what is endorsed and right, correct and allowed.

It is in this context that I was deeply saddened and concerned with an incident I heard about which took place at a leading boys’ school by the sea. It appears that a rule was set stating that the boys were to attend school on the three days preceding their big match – the notice stated that those who did not show up would be suspended. The week after the match as many as 200+ were suspended I believe, teaching the children that every action has a reaction, and that they had to pay for breaking rules of the school. My congratulations to the management of the school for following through on the action.

Now, the college sports meet was at the end of the week following the big match. Whilst the primary school and middle school events were worked off it was now the turn for the under 16 and under 18 events to be run. The athletes were on the tracks the races were about to commence when suddenly the urgency and excitement dulled. Discussions were being held between teachers, captains and coaches. The end result- a decision had been taken to not work off the under 16 and under 18 events as there were many athletes who were suspended who could not run!!

My question to the heads and teachers of this esteemed establishment as a concerned parent (I myself have two daughters) is how could you allow such behaviour to rule? Did you for a moment consider the message you were giving not only to those who were “suspended” but also to those who obeyed the rules and were on the tracks ready to run? What is the perception you are giving the boys who were suspended? These very same children will grow up and go to the world confident that they can have their way no matter whether they are right or wrong. Are you doing your bit to build a generation of leaders that will have a value system that you and I can be proud of?

This is just one of the many instances where for many often “valid” reasons we as adults, as responsible professionals have not done our part towards building the youth of our land. Therefore in closing let me challenge all of us – the wider general public to do our little bit in our little corner of this country towards building a future generation of youth and leaders we can be proud of. Let’s not just only join in, in the drawing room discussions of lawlessness of the country… and the values that prevail of the youth – let’s be the change we want to see.