"A family is a place where minds come incontact with one another. If these minds love one another, the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden."(A Buddhist quote)
Death is inevitable and uninvited when it comes to someone close whether family or good people we value. We lost our uncle on Tuesday May 29, leaving a vacuum in many lives both in the family and among those who knew him. He was an unassuming man who always thought about his duty to those around him without arrogance or pride. He led his life with a vision for reality, laid back and unruffled leaving it to those around to make choices without interference.
He guided when needed and protected when vulnerable. Not being overly ambitious, his life spelled contentment for which he was rewarded with an equally compatible partner, his wife and my aunt Thelena. They came together quietly in a workplace romance that made them life partners for 50 years. As they stood together they made the right decisions for the right reasons and enjoyed the fruits of a contented life rewarded with four beautiful children who surrounded him to the end of his life.
Life is all about impermanence but the memories and happiness left behind by our loved ones will remain permanently if passed on through generations. Knowingly or unknowingly, he did just that. An example to be admired for the next generation like us, to learn to sift through what is important to being good people regardless of the pressures and temptations around in our lives that can lead to unnecessary confusion.
My uncle Vernon who was "Verny" to the extended family and just "Loku Mama" to the nieces and nephews played a significant role in our lives. It is not easy to grasp that he will not be around when we next visit Sri Lanka and yet we were so close to doing so. His presence will always remain with us as hard as it may be to notice his absence from now on.
We who were left without a father had many bumps on the road we traversed but those bumps were softened by the presence of "Loku Mama" who drove us to school and remained as a figure to protect us when he was single before he had children of his own. As we look back, he was there for every milestone in our lives regardless and he knew when we needed him.
We remember his early days at Car Mart where he devoted his entire life as an employee first and secondarily as a member of the extended family. Anyone who owned a Volkswagen or Peugeot knew him as the face that greeted them if he crossed their path in the company. I remember the old days when Car Mart was a focal point in our extended family during the time of my late uncle Clarence Amerasinghe. The picnics, the shows and the fun are memories we are proud to cherish and talk about to our children. It was there they met and the quiet couple walked down the aisle. Together they walked shoulder to shoulder right through their lives.
Vernon was the middle child in my mother's family. It was Violet (Tiny), Verny and Sanath we remember as immediate family. It didn't end there as we were closely connected to their cousins as well in a large circle of the branches of the Blok family. Stalwarts of the Amerasinghe family included many who had a great impact professionally, nationally and internationally. With cousins like Clarence Amerasinghe, Eric Amerasinghe, Shirley Amerasinghe, Ned Amerasinghe, Basil Amerasinghe, Dr. Mark Amerasinghe, Dr. Lesley Amerasinghe and Aunty Gladys and the other branches, Samarasinghes, Munasinghes, Vitaranas and all the branches of the Blok families in Colombo and Kandy, the extended family circle was both colourful and multi-talented.
They were not only distinguished as professionals but among them were also musicians in harmony as the accepted norm at family gatherings. One remarkable trait missing among them was arrogance due to fame or position when the cousins interacted. To all the cousins he was simply "Verney" who was my mother's brother. Simplicity was his motto that we as children admired. His strength and courage to meet the world head on quietly with dignity and charm is a tough act to follow. Right to the end he visited my mother as he respected his older sister and she has come to terms with the difficult loss of her brother and neighbour.
He honoured the memory of his father, my grandfather the late Patrick Siriwardene who played an important role in the birth of the business at Car Mart. Loku Mama spent a lifetime working at Car Mart with integrity and devotion no other could have given. There was a close family connection but it was a little known fact he kept private from his duty to the company. His father, hailed from the Mahamodera Walauwa in Galle and we heard the family fables from our grandmother who enlightened us on the fascinating history that began at Mahamodera. His parents Patrick and Violet Stella were symbols of simplicity and dignity that he carried forward.
Memories are vivid as my uncle filled the gap for my father and walked me down the aisle not once but twice. He was there to comfort me when tragedy hit my life and I needed strength to carry on and rebuild my life for myself and my daughter. As she grew into an adult she often reminded me how much she admired his affection for the family. She has taken many pages of his model in raising her children.
We will continue to recognize that he was an important part of our family.
The "Family Mafia" as we affectionately called ourselves was close-knit not only in our family feelings for one another but even clustered physically within calling distance from each other in the family neighbourhood. Yet, there was respect, unity and dignity in our lives that we admired and learned from our elders.With our cousins, we now pass this on to our children and grandchildren. They too have learned to care for each other as the third and fourth generation has come along to bond as a family. We would not want it any other way. This is real wealth that is invaluable with credit to our role models and the legacy that we are blessed with as a family and his part left behind.
It seems like yesterday when Verny Mama married his gazelle-like beauty Thelena. As a young girl, I even remember details of the wedding and how Thelena Nanda came into our lives. When they celebrated 50 years together, it was a precious and rare triumph. He was blessed to join their lovely family that loved us very much as the three small children growing up looking to our uncle for strength. They were blessed with four wonderful children Kushlani, Samantha, Ranil and Muditha who are a model to many families in present times. They stood together to take care of their father and he was blessed to be among them to the end. That fortune can never be demanded or bought--- only acquired with good values,sound parenting, simplicity and charm that they both exuded with great poise in raising the family.
We were very sad that once again we missed the opportunity to be in Sri Lanka at a time when we should have been there. Family means a great deal to us. It is not the distance between us or the 28 years that have passed since leaving home that matter. It is the closeness that we share and memories we treasure and hold on to that matter as we remember him with much affection in the years to come.We know that life is impermanent but he is a reminder that life must be lived with appreciation for the simple things that matter most.
May he attain eternal bliss in a better place and give strength to his family to carry on being an example to those who know them.
Anjalika Silva
You were my
guide in life
S.A.D.P. Waidyaratne
When I saw you first I felt you had a golden heart
Which could not be pierced by any wrong action
My beloved Punya, you left me alone with nobody's guidance
With one hand stretched out in pain.
If you could have lived for some more years
I would have got the courage to box on in life
Now, I am lost and don't know where to draw the line
Your generous qualities and simple ways
Attracted the most educated crowd
Your precious theory of give and take
Was followed by you until your last breath
Good father to children and loving husband to a wife
Where would one find, sure not in this birth
You had a lovely set of friends at the Sunday Times
Who did their best until your last breath
Members of my family and outsiders as well
Did their best to pay their genuine respect
My lovable Punya, someone has robbed you without my knowledge
I struggle alone with a vacant place
So dear, when will you return to fill this empty place
Loving wife
The loss is too great for us
Alex Fernando
It has been a year since you left us.
We hear it mentioned most of the time,
That time will heal the pain.
But neither time nor reason will
Change the way we feel.
The loss is too great for us-
No one knows the sadness that lies
Behind our smiles
No one knows how many times we have cried
But only you would know how much we miss you.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
But love leaves a memory no one can steal.
God has you safely in his keeping,
But we have you forever in our HEARTS.
Mani and family
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